Someone elses perfect social media post Getting a

Someone else’s ‘perfect’ social media post Getting a compliment Receiving criticism Success! A certificate or trophy Being trolled Getting loads of ‘likes’ 46% of young people think comparing their lives to others on social media makes them feel “inadequate”. 54% of 16 -24 s believe a lack of self-confidence holds them back. Rank these examples, from what you feel would most boost your confidence, to what would most reduce it

Do ‘perfect’ social media posts show the truth about a person’s real life or looks? In which case, should we let these posts affect how confident we feel about our own life and looks? Why does a genuine compliment matter so much? Can we tell when someone isn’t being genuine when they compliment us? Is it always bad to receive criticism? If it’s valid and constructive, how can we turn this around and use it to improve? Can we use our successes in some parts of life to help us feel more confident about our abilities in other parts? When people troll us online, is what they say really about us, or is it more about their own fears and insecurities? In which case, how can we learn to ignore the trolls, rather than engage with them? When people ‘like’ us online, is that the same as liking our company in real life? What can we do to get more from our real social life, rather than depend on our social media life? It’s therefore important to recognise and enjoy those things that build our confidence, while learning not to take to heart or dwell on those things that can reduce it. It’s important to spot that all the examples on the slide are things that happened to a person, not something they chose to do, to build their confidence. There are lots of things we can actively do to build our confidence, rather than take a passive approach – that is what this lesson will explore.

Confidence Did the difficult stuff Didn’t give up Made new friends Asked questions Believed they would get better at things This student stepped out of their comfort zone and believed that if they tried, they would get better at things. Tried new things Time This student stayed in their comfort zone. They didn’t believe they would get better at things if they tried.

The grey student’s line doesn’t change much. The grey student played things safe and tended to do the easy thing, not the more challenging option. They didn’t step outside of their comfort zone. But by avoiding things that were challenging, they missed out on opportunities to become more confident and to believe more in their capabilities and ability to succeed. The blue student’s line shows a large increase in confidence over time, but it also has a lot of ups and downs along the way. The blue student regularly stepped out of their comfort zone, even if this was challenging and even if sometimes, their confidence dipped in the short term because some things didn’t go well first time round. But every time they succeeded, they could believe more in their abilities. Their confidence grew. The ups and downs in their journey show that things can sometimes be difficult, and can even feel harder before they get easier, but these ups and downs are a normal part of growing our abilities and confidence. Who would you rather be like?

Actively Have a Keep trying new things outside your comfort zone Believe that the more you try, the better you will get

PRINTABLE Comfort zone Already good at Fear zone What discomfort stops you? Learning zone New skills and challenges Growth zone What are your goals?

Comfort zone is where we’re naturally inclined to stay: it contains all the things we find familiar and easy to do – things about which we are already confident. Growth zone: this contains our important goals and ambitions, the things we’d most like to do and be. This could include future education plans, training and employment, or personal goals in sport, music or any other area of life. Learning zone: this contains the things we need to do in order to reach the goals in our growth zone, like developing our skills, taking courses, passing our exams, and pushing ourselves to improve. Fear zone. This contains all the things that can stop us from stepping out of our comfort zone into our learning zone and towards our important goals, like a fear of failure, laziness, excuses, procrastination (time wasting), other people’s opinions, and importantly, a lack of confidence that we will succeed. It’s the discomfort we feel when we try something new – or avoid it. It’s perfectly OK to feel discomfort. In fact, a famous book about how to be more confident is called ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ (by Susan Jeffers). This book explains that we’ll always feel discomfort as long as we’re growing and so rather than being something to avoid, discomfort is something we should keep seeking, and something we can get used to feeling as a normal part of growing and developing. We need to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’, as Susan Jeffers would say. Activity: What’s in your growth and fear zones?

What do you think a growth mindset is? How would someone with a growth mindset think about building their confidence? What would they do about it?

PRINTABLE Replace negative self-talk with positive Don’t be unsure: ask, or find out Find your team of supporters If it matters, have a plan – and follow it Remember that no-one’s perfect Focus on the effort, not just the outcome Visualise getting to success Don’t give up, even if things don’t go to plan Model (copy) how successful people behave Celebrate every success

• • It’s important to remember that no-one’s perfect, even people who have perfect social media accounts or who appear to always be confident. Having a plan is an easy way to feel much more confident. By working our what we need to do, we are much more likely to believe that we can do it. Importantly, plans involve other people: when we work as a team or support one another, we help each other to become more capable and confident. Uncertainty can easily erode our confidence, so it’s vital to ask questions or find out if we’re not sure about something. And asking a question can help to build our confidence – it’s always OK to ask. We all have an inner voice and sometimes it’s negative and critical. But that doesn’t mean it’s right. We can all learn to listen out for negative inner talk and with practice, learn to stop it and replace it with positive things about ourselves instead. What negative inner talk can you replace? What positive things can you say about yourself, instead? Goals are important, but so is the journey. When we learn to focus on the effort we make, as well as the outcomes we aim for, we learn that every effort we make is its own success. All we can ever do is try our best, and when we do this, we’re succeeding in being at our best. Our imagination can help us to become more confident. We can visualise what we need to do, and what succeeding will look, sound and feel like. Top sportspeople use mental rehearsal to build their confidence, and so can we. What important goals – and the efforts to achieve them – can you visualise and mentally rehearse? Giving up erodes our confidence. But when we have a growth mentality we know that things can get harder before they become easier. Knowing this, we know things will get easier as long as we keep on trying. When we don’t give up, we believe in ourselves more. What should you make sure you don’t give up on? We can even grow our confidence by modelling (copying) how successful people behave. There are lots of You. Tube tutorials, for example, about how to adopt confident body language and feel more confident as a result. It’s important to celebrate our successes, no matter how small. Every single thing we do well can help to build our confidence. How can you take time each day to celebrate what went well? Each one of these is a stepping stone over the discomfort of our fear zone.

CONFIDENCE-BUILDING CHALLENGES What would get you out of your comfort zone? • Compliment yourself • Keep a success diary • Try a new sport or club • Make a new friend • Help someone • Volunteer • Set a goal to improve a grade • Contribute to a discussion • Be organised for a day … or a week What else can you think of?

PRINTABLE Every day things that can build my confidence For example, keeping a daily challenge diary. New or different things to try outside of my comfort zone For example, sitting with someone different in class. Something that matters, that I’d like to feel more confident about For example, being able to voice my opinions. The more you try, the more your confidence will grow.

Confident people don’t feel fear Confident people feel fear too, but they don’t give up People are confident because they did something ‘big’ Confident people feel confident all the time Confident people don’t get criticised Confident people get it 100% right I’ll never be confident Every small success can help you feel more confident Everyone has things they don’t feel so confident about Everyone gets criticised. Spot how it can help you to improve Everyone makes mistakes. Spot how you can learn from them Yes you can! Many successful people developed their confidence – and so can you

• Did these people start off confident? • What helped to build their confidence? • What did they do to become more confident? • What is their advice about building confidence? • How can you follow this person’s example?

CASE STUDY PRINTABLE How confident were you before you joined the Army? I wasn’t very confident. I was confident when I was with my friends but not very confident outside my comfort zone. How did it feel to go through training, stepping out of your comfort zone and succeeding at new things? I just decided to take everything in and be willing to learn. Everybody is capable of stepping outside of their comfort zone. It just depends on how much you want to succeed. How did the Army build a sense of belonging, and how did this give you confidence? CORPORAL TOM Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers They made me feel like I was somebody, they encouraged me and pushed me to my limits. I quickly realised those limits were bigger than I previously thought. What is it like to feel confident? It makes you happy and gives you purpose. Not everybody is confident from the start and it takes time to gain it. But when you do it’s a weight off your shoulders. What does your new confidence help you to do in your Army job? I can think critically about what to do next or how to succeed. The Army allowed me to show my leadership qualities and earn promotion in a short time. I can express my thoughts when something isn’t right and approach people to explain what I think. What does your new confidence help you to do outside of your Army job? It allowed me to mature as a person and hold my head up high knowing what my job is. I showed to my friends and family that I’m somebody different to the 16 year-old who joined. I’m now a confident young man and a fully trained soldier. What would you say to someone who sticks in their comfort zone? Try your absolute hardest. Be willing to learn. It may not feel great the first time but the more and more you try, the more it starts to feel normal. For for most of us it’s a long process, but you have to persevere. It won’t happen overnight. Just keep trying and trying.

CASE STUDY PRINTABLE How confident were you before you joined the Army? I had very little confidence before I joined the Army. I had very little self-belief. How did it feel to go through training, stepping out of your comfort zone and succeeding at new things? It was daunting at first as I had no clue what to expect. But I knew it was what I wanted to do and stuck with it. There were tough times but those are the times that you remember most. If you persevere you will succeed. How did the Army build a sense of belonging, and how did this give you confidence? CORPORAL VICTORIA Royal Military Police It gave me opportunities to prove I can do it, not only to myself but in front of others. Now I even surprise myself with the sense of achievement and how far I’ve come with building my confidence. What does your new confidence help you to do in your Army job? It has opened up many opportunities, for example standing up and speaking out in assemblies, delivering presentations to large groups of people and much more. All of this I would have never considered before. What does your new confidence help you to do outside of your Army job? It has helped me to help others, it has given me the opportunity to identify if others are struggling and to help build their confidence. I feel proud in what I’ve done and what I’m able to do now without doubting myself. What would you say to someone who sticks in their comfort zone? If you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done! Remember that no one is born confident. You earn it. Everyone at some point has been nervous and had to push through that. Do little things to build your confidence. Throwing yourself in the deep end isn’t always the best thing to do.

CASE STUDY PRINTABLE How confident were you before you joined the Army? I was reasonably confident. I used to get a bit annoyed with my parents forcing me to do things outside my comfort zone but in the long run they were usually in the right. However, as with anyone, there were, and still are, things that I was uncomfortable with. How did it feel to go through training, stepping out of your comfort zone and succeeding at new things? Sandhurst (where Army officers are trained) is a place where you tend to get shown something once and you’re then expected to know it. That can be pretty intimidating as it forces you out of your comfort zone and makes you responsible for your own development. How did the Army build a sense of belonging, and how did this give you confidence? LIEUTENANT JACK Royal Electrical and Mechanical Engineers In Sandhurst you’re with your platoon for a whole year and you all become very close. You know that everyone will have your back even if you don’t always see eye to eye. What does your new confidence help you to do in your Army job? Arriving at the unit as a young officer, your senior soldiers have a lot more experience than you and so you lean on them heavily for advice and guidance. Sometimes however, you find that you disagree with them and that’s when the Sandhurst training is so useful – it helps you to have confidence in your convictions, which is really important. What does your new confidence help you to do outside of your Army job? Having been out on the mountains with work means I’m now very comfortable going hiking alone whereas I may not have been before. What would you say to someone who sticks in their comfort zone? When it comes to pushing yourself, you want to be uncomfortable but still able to think. If things make you panic you won’t want to leave your comfort zone again, but spend too much time in in your comfort zone and you’ll never improve. One good way to do this is to get a job where you’re forced to talk to people, like being a waiter or working in a shop.

REASONS WHY I’M AWESOME! REMEMBER – AND CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESS WHAT WENT WELL? Positive mental attitude Diary Everyday things Phone notes New or different Confidence jar A sense of belonging Following a plan Successes Closer to a goal A compliment or praise How do your successes make you feel? How does each one help your confidence to grow? How can you celebrate your friends’ successes? What will you do next, to step out of your comfort zone – and help others to do the same?

TIME TO REFLECT “I CAN”