SOCIALIST You have two cows The government takes

SOCIALIST: • You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. • Pure Socialism You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

COMMUNIST • PURE COMMUNISM: • You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. • • RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: • You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

FASCIST • You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

PURE DEMOCRACY • You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY • You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY • The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cows are set free.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE • You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE • You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE • You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

REPUBLICAN • You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

DEMOCRAT • You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

ENVIRONMENTALISM • You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

ANARCHY • You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS • You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war mongering intolerant past) two differentlyaged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

COUNTER-CULTURE • Wow, dude, there's like. . . these two cows man. You got to have some of this milk.