Siblings who like to help each other A
Siblings who like to help each other A guide for parents with or expecting siblings Kathy Stirrup, Phoenix Place Play Therapy & Counselling
The beginning: introducing a new sibling • There is nothing you can do to avoid all hitches. • But there are lots of things you can do to help the transition go more smoothly and positively.
The beginning: introducing a new sibling • Bonding with a new sibling can begin will before birth. • When to tell your child is up to you, and will depend on your child’s temperament, age, and understanding of time. • But if others know and are talking about the new baby, it’s respectful to talk to your child about it too. • Give your child an event to link when your new baby is coming. E. g. “Our new baby is coming around Christmas time. ”
Practical things in introducing a new sibling: Before birth • Talk regularly with your child about the new baby • Track the different stages of the baby’s development together • Take your child with you to some antenatal check -ups - listen to the heartbeat and see the ultrasound pictures • Lead by example, chat to and include your unborn baby in conversations and encourage your child to do the same. • Encourage your child to sing to the baby, hug the baby, feel the baby’s movements.
Practical things in introducing a new sibling: Before birth • Introduce your child to a real live baby • Refer to photos of your child as a baby and talk about the things they could do then and what they can do now • Get them thinking about the important role they have as an older, wiser sibling • Sow seeds to prepare them for how much attention a newborn needs • Acknowledge that this will be hard at times but that you as parents will still make time for them, and that they will still be loved and important. • Role play with your child so that they are familiar
Practical things in introducing a new sibling: The Birth • It is an individual family preference as to how much to include your child in the birth of their new sibling. • It can be helpful to give them a child-friendly version of what is happening in the birth, focusing on the wonder.
Practical things in introducing a new sibling: After the baby arrives • This can be a time when your child can feel usurped by their younger sibling. • There can be a lot more stress in the household and this can affect your child’s equilibrium too. • Huge changes happen in a household with the birth of a new family member. Some children just accept those changes, others don’t. • Acting out, temper tantrums, being
Practical things in introducing a new sibling: After the baby arrives • Try and continue to do many of the pre-arrival activities after the birth too, in a modified form, to help connection with your older child and baby. • In early hospital visits try and have someone else hold the new baby so you can focus on your older child. • Once home, try and make sure that there are times scattered throughout your days together for you to give focus to your older child. • Help your child to feel important as a big sibling by getting them to use their skills to help you with the baby.
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? Things that are Much more control chi Child ld Skill buildin g. Not much control chi Child ld Things that are Resilience building Things that are Flow, dynami c, not static Skill buildin g. Not much control Resilience building chi other Child ld Other people Resilience building Other peopl e Skill buildin g. Not much control
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? • Siblings play an important role in each other’s everyday lives, as companions, confidants, combatants and the focus of social comparisons. • We have a major influence as parents,
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? Set high expectations and lay ground rules. • Our children will live up to our expectations, expect them to enjoy each other’s company and get along. • Let them know the importance and uniqueness of their relationship with their siblings. • Set ground rules for acceptable behaviour that promotes positive sibling relationships.
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? Conflict resolution • Model what is expected. • Conflict is an opportunity for them to learn positive conflict resolution techniques. • Don’t always step in straight away, give them a chance to work it out • If conflict is escalating show them some simple techniques to set them up for resolution, e. g. deep breaths and “I feel” statements. • Brainstorm with your older child what and why the conflict may be happening and seek a solution together. • Show your children how to respectfully disagree by respecting other’s opinions and teaching them to listen. • Children who feel heard feel respected and are then
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? Conflict resolution. • Some sibling conflict is normal and even helpful. Constant conflict might need investigating. Look for patterns and set about addressing them.
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? Bonding • When sibling attention is sought, help by showing the best way to join in play. • Set aside sibling time each week • Encourage and support happy sibling play.
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? Bonding. • Set aside regular focused time with each of your children doing activities of their choice or that reflect their individual interests. • Set aside time for fun family activities such as board games, wide games, scavenger hunts and obstacle courses. • Involve your children in the planning so they learn that working together and listening to each other leads to fun
How do we encourage loving sibling relationships? Bonding. • Each child in your family is an individual, celebrate the diversity of strengths within the family. • Encourage your children to encourage each other, to ask each other for help, recognizing each other’s strengths. • Make your home
Building resilient children: PACE Resilience is already inherent; we just have to nurture it. Playfulness Acceptance Curiosity Empathy
Building resilient children: PACE • Playfulness: brings fun and laughter into relationships. • Allows a child to learn self regulation of positive emotional states. • It also gives the child a sense of confidence and future hope
Building resilient children: PACE • Acceptance: creates psychological safety • The focus is on accepting the internal experiences (thoughts, feelings, wishes, beliefs, desires and hopes) that each person carries inside
Building resilient children: PACE • Curiosity: Who is this child? • Through curiosity, we show that we have a desire to know him more deeply and to share his experiences with him. • Non judgemental curiosity helps the child to • • Understand his experience of life in relationship with you Facilitate his interests Deepen his inner life Develop his skills in identifying thoughts, feelings and intentions • Develop his skills in expressing them
Building resilient children: PACE • Empathy: communicates our curiosity and acceptance. • We stand in their shoes and recognise and respond to their emotional needs and experiences, both
resources • The Playful Parent: 7 Ways to Happier, Calmer, More Creative Days with Your Under-fives, Julia Deering (2014, Harper. Collins) • http: //www. phoenixplace. com. au/resources/ then click on the Siblings Who Help Each Other Power. Point • For more information on playing with your child see the Play Power. Point. • For more information on managing big emotions, see the Temper Tantrum Power. Point • A great resource site for children’s books on all sorts of topics, including that of pregnancy and bringing a new baby home is:
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