Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work What the

Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work What the research really says

True or False? It is better for the children if the parents remain married, even in a hostile marriage.

True or False? The primary goal of those helping married couples should be to reduce conflict in the relationship.

True or False? “Active listening” has never been proven to be an effective practice.

True or False? Expression of anger has been associated with increased marital satisfaction.

Fact Unhappily married couples underestimate the positivity in the relationship by as much as 50%

True or False Bickering, passionate couples were the only group to have a romantic marriage after 35 years.

True or False The husband should be in charge.

True or False In ailing marriages couples generally communicate clearly.

True or False Most things people argue about cannot be solved.

True or False People should not begin marriage with high romantic expectations.

Fact In ailing marriages the positive things don’t erode, they are just done less and less over time. Patterns are established early and become more entrenched over time.

Fill in the blank Nearly 80% of men and women say their major reason for wanting a divorce is _______

Short answer Who has the most influence in setting the mood in the home?

Marriage Killers Harsh start-up

Marriage Killers The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: the most corrosive of all relationship behaviors

Marriage Killers The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: 1. Criticism (vs. Complaint)

Marriage Killers The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: 2. Defensiveness

Marriage Killers The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: 3. Contempt

Marriage Killers The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: 4. Stonewalling

Marriage Killers Flooding

Marriage Killers Failed repair attempts

Marriage Killers Bad memories

Making Marriage Work Principle 1: Love Mapping

Making Marriage Work Principle 2: Nurture Fondness and Admiration

Making Marriage Work Principle 3: Turn Toward Each Other

Making Marriage Work Principle 4: Accept Your Partner’s Influence

Making Marriage Work Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems 69% of problems are perpetual

Making Marriage Work Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock

Making Marriage Work Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning

Effective Problem Solving Softened start up Repair and de-escalation Accepting influence Compromise Soothing