Self confidence through self coaching 90 minute training

Self confidence through self coaching 90 -minute training Sonia Gavira, Lequin Training

Icebreaker Who are you and what are you really good at and what is the one key thing you want from today?

Self belief is determined by… Ideal Self Looking glass self Self image

Ideal Self Stop living up to other people’s expectations. Decide for yourself what you want and what beliefs you need to get there. Checking your expectations exercise • What are the expectations you hold about yourself and your life? • Where do they come from? • Do they serve you – or someone else? • If you could have any expectations you want from life, what would you have?

Components of self belief • Your attitude – When confronted with the situation • Your perception – How the situation appears to you and how you perceive it • Your body – Your physical response, what you feel and where • Your behaviour – How you perform, what you did • Your results – How things turned out, how you did • The lesson – What you learned from this situation

Exercise - Part 1 • Think of a situation in which you performed poorly because you lacked confidence. Write down a brief description or a name that will remind you of the situation, then answer the questions in the appropriate box

Exercise – Part 2 • Now repeat the exercise, this time thinking of a situation where you knew you would perform well. Note the responses to the questions in each of the boxes • Then get together in groups and discuss what you have found. Find what are your triggers

Main findings • What did you find out? • What are the main differences between confident and non confident – Attitude – Perception – Body – Behaviour – Results • What are the main lessons?

Gremlin hunting!

Inertia Gremlin "When I get that promotion…" "When I’ve got more experience…" "When I've saved up enough…" But the ideal time is never going to happen!! "She was a 'what if' personality and because of that she never really happened". Anne Williamson Schaff

The Faking-It Gremlin “I’m a business woman, and business women are tough cookies. I won’t show ‘em my soft underbelly. ” • When we try to be something we are not we ignore our own needs and put others' expectations first.

The Control Gremlin “I don’t need to pull over from the fast lane. The law says 70 mph and I’m sticking to it – besides, I’m making those cueing behind me drive safely!”

The Blame Gremlin “It’s not my fault the team underperformed. The rest of the team is not up to my standards. ” “It was the weather, the traffic, the company and its polices, our equipment…”

The Avoidance Gremlin “That’s way out of my comfort zone. I’ll get it wrong, like I always do, and then they’ll be laughing at me behind my back? ” “There’s no point even asking for a pay-rise; I know what the answer will be. ”

Gremlin exercise • Which gremlin do you suffer from the most? • Draw it or describe it as it appears to you • Then change it into something more empowering via a drawing and or a description

Spotting toxic thinking Catastrophising Personalising Toxic thinking Labelling All or nothing thinking Negative self-talk

Emotional match: exercise 1. You meet your new boss for the first time. You believe that first impressions will decide whether he’s going to like you or not. 2. Jane rushes by you and doesn’t stop to say hello. You think “what have I done to upset Jane? ” 3. You’re running late for work. You think that everyone in the office will notice and think that you’re extremely unprofessional and lazy. Catastophising All or nothing thinking Negative self-talk 4. You’re about to give a presentation. You think “I always forget something. I’m going to be terrible. ” Labelling 5. Derek jumps in front of you at the dinner queue. You think to yourself “He’s a selfish pie-hog. ” Personalising

Emotional match: exercise 1. You meet your new boss for the first time. You believe that first impressions will decide whether he’s going to like you or not. 2. Jane rushes by you and doesn’t stop to say hello. You think “what have I done to upset Jane? ” 3. You’re running late for work. You think that everyone in the office will notice and think that you’re extremely unprofessional and lazy. Catastophising All or nothing thinking Negative self-talk 4. You’re about to give a presentation. You think “I always forget something. I’m going to be terrible. ” Labelling 5. Derek jumps in front of you at the dinner queue. You think to yourself “He’s a selfish pie-hog. ” Personalising

Stories we tell ourselves • What stories do you tell yourself and how are they affecting your performance?

What’s your story? • Thinking about a situation where you lack confidence – What is the story that you are telling yourself? – Write down a brief description – Get together with colleagues and tell them your story – Colleagues consider the story and ask: • • What else could be true What other meaning could you make of these “facts” What generalisations are you making? What assumptions are you making? – Aim is to shift your perspective and open your thinking to new opportunities and ways of being

Say it with confidence • With confidence, tell the others what you will do differently following this workshop