Sathya Sai Parenting Humble Pranaams to the Lotus
Sathya Sai Parenting Humble Pranaams to the Lotus Feet of Bhagwan Baba
A wonderful book with rich collection of Swami’s advice on parenting, laid out in such a simple way to help parents restore love, discipline, and values in their homes.
Critical Aspects “Sai” Parenting • • Child development duties Parental role – man’s and woman’s Teaching self discipline to children Balancing discipline and love House rules, television/telepoison Respect and reverence Pure love – parents’ love
Discipline • What is discipline? – Discipline means the observance of certain well-designed rules. Without such regulation it is not possible to maintain humanness. Swami • Why discipline? – Discipline trains you to put up with disappointments, you will know life has both ups and downs. SSS #3 pg. 60 – To earn the goodwill of the Master, there is one recipe; obey His orders without murmur…. Grace is showered on all who obey instructions and follow orders. SSS #2. pg. 184. – Man today lives as he likes without following any discipline. Discipline is needed in every aspect to maintain the right course of life. A river has two banks. But for this, the river may flow in all directions flooding the fields, villages and causing untold hardship and disaster. If it has banks to regulate the course of flow, it
Self-discipline • To give up body consciousness must be your deeksha (steady pursuit). This must express itself in actual practice as discipline (nishtha) and training of senses and emotions (sikshana). Water or fire as such cannot move a train. They must both co-operate to produce a third element - steam, which moves the train forward. Treat discipline as more important than even food. This body (deha) is but an instrument to realize the Indweller (Dehi). With determination and faith feed your spirit as scrupulously as you feed the body. You will attain union with the Indweller only when your mental agitations are curbed and equanimity is achieved. Whatever be the path - devotion, wisdom or selfless action, it must lead you to achieve equanimity. To cross safely across the flood of birth-death-continuum, you must build this sturdy safe bridge called unflinching discipline (nishtha). - Sathya Sai Speaks, Vol V, Jan 29, 1965.
Teaching self-discipline to children • How do we do it? Here are some tips. Actual implementation comes later. – Communicate positively to explain the benefits – Instead of rewarding children with physical gifts, we appreciate them for their effort. – Waste of money is evil, teach children not to receive anything for nothing. Let them earn by hard work the things they seek. SSS #2 pg. 192. – Engage them in chores. Make children help the parents instead of letting them watch television. – Teaching them the joy of giving. – Live a life of self-discipline.
Critical Aspects “Sai” Parenting • • Child development duties Parental role – man’s and woman’s Teaching self discipline to children Balancing discipline and love House rules, television/telepoison Respect and reverence Pure love – parents’ love
Balancing discipline and love Parents say Children say • • • Eat your dinner Clean your room Time for bed Share your Do your home work Change your clothes I don’t like it What’s wrong with it? Not tired It’s mine Don’t have any What’s wrong with these?
Balancing discipline and love • When we say “NO” or take a disciplinary action, children are very upset. The atmosphere of the house changes. They are hurt, we are hurt. Swami says we have to be “strong”. • “There should be love and law. ” SSS #3 pg. 60. • They cry, scream. They say “you are very mean, you hate me”. Often parents give in when they hear children going on and on like this. • Love the children, but give them stern correction if they do anything wrong. Timid parents of today fear to establish strict rules for children, as they think the children may run away from home or end their lives. SS Nov-Dec 1995 pg. 294
Balancing discipline and love Disciplinary action Children are upset, angry, whine Parents give in Parents love their children unintelligently – instilling bad behavior Parents do not give in Follow “love and law” By Swami Parents love their children beyond themselves and all the more reason they are not giving in.
Critical Aspects “Sai” Parenting • • Child development duties Parental role – man’s and woman’s Teaching self discipline to children Balancing discipline and love House rules, television/telepoison Respect and reverence Pure love – parents’ love
House rules television/telepoison • It is like a sword coated with honey. As you lick the honey, the sword will cut your tongue. SS Discourse Jan, 15, 1996 • After the arrival of TV, we are unknowingly subconsciously programmed by the commercials in the television. Swami to Mrs. Rita Bruce • Concentration on the television affects one’s view of the world. The scenes, thoughts and actions displayed on the TV set fill the mind of the viewers. Unknowingly, agitations and ill-feelings, enter their minds. In due course they take root and grow in the minds. SS Discourse January 15, 1996. • Parents must examine every story or account that you place before children from the point of view of individual faith and social harmony. Does this lead the child to a better more harmonious, a more God-oriented life? That is the question you should ask yourself. SSS #9 Pg. 1
Entertainment Media – Open message and hidden message Rated “R” General message: Tiny brave fish experiences hardship but over comes them and eventually succeeds. Hidden message: Nemo does not obey the father’s words. Child thinks: It is OK for the me to disobey the parents. Father is not as brave as the kid. Child thinks: May be my dad is a little dumb.
Misleading movies Lowering parents expectations One example of so many hidden mis – understandable messages
How TV can affect children? 1 -5 years • Overstimulation • Lack of sleep • Lack of concentration • Inability to selfentertain • Addiction and anger • Lack of proper food habits 5 -12 years • Misinterpretation of messages • Hidden messages – wrong value • “It is OK”, “Why not” attitude • Disrespectful/sar castic talk • Lying about small things • Fear of responsibilities 13 -18 years • Hiding bigger activities • Detachment from home • Interest in ageinappropriate activities • Lack of responsibility • Low self-esteem • Low selfconfidence
Actual house rules • Make rules for important activities in the house – create a worksheet – Prayer – Homework – Chores – Family – Bedtime – Individual activities – Television – Allowance
Actual house rules • Lay for yourselves a set of parent rules – Never fight with your spouse – Never disagree in front of your child – Maintain consistency – Never five permission unless both are consulted – Agree on house rules – Listen with love and total attention – Speech needs to be clear, decisive, loving and understandable
Critical Aspects “Sai” Parenting • • Child development duties Parental role – man’s and woman’s Teaching self discipline to children Balancing discipline and love House rules, television/telepoison Respect and reverence Pure love – parents’ love
Respect and reverence • Read Swami’s teachings to them – Mrs. Bruce. Communicate to them big time. – Give up your seat to someone who is older or infirm or more deserving, that is service - Swami • Respect for persons, places and things – In order to lead a regular life, you must bring the following to your daily life. 1. Respect elders, mother is first God, 2. Follow elders, father is second God, 3. Follow the teacher, teacher is the third God. Swami’s talks to the students – If we let our child disrespect us and others, that means we have no self-respect or respect for others. – Self-respect leads to self-satisfaction, which will in turn lead to self-realization. Dasara Divine Discourse, Oct 15, 1999
Respect and reverence • Everyone should respect all others as one’s own kin, having the same divine spark and the same Divine Nature. Now, love and respect based on the innate Divinity are absent, so there is exploitation, deceit, greed and cruelty. When people become aware that all men are ‘cells’ of the divine body, then there will be no more devaluation of man. Discourse, April 1, 1975
Critical Aspects “Sai” Parenting • • Child development duties Parental role – man’s and woman’s Teaching self discipline to children Balancing discipline and love House rules, television/telepoison Respect and reverence Pure love – parents’ love
Pure love- Parents’ love • Love, love and love towards all. • It is said that love has no form. But love has a form. The mother who loves her child, expresses the form of love. SS Jan 1998. • The spirit of sacrifice that is expressed while doing service is only found in mothers. When a mother watches somebody shedding tears, her eyes get wet too. Women have so much kindness in them. Sathya Sai Newsletter Summer 1996 pg. 6 • Love lives by giving and forgiving; self
Finally • Each child is different, each child is unique, each child comes with different karma, each child has gifts to offer and challenges to be met. They act like clay that needs to be sculpted into a work of art by your loving hands. Treat them as delicate flowers. See them as an opportunity for growth and promotion in the spiritual quest which is none other than self-realization. They are our chance to share God’s love. They are our great fortune to serve God. They are our lessons to be learned. – Mrs. Rita Bruce • Let us make Sai our divine parent and take message from everything He did and is still omnipresently doing.
Shared by Lucrecia On Children WONDERFUL POEM FROM KAHLIL GIBRAN, A LEBANESE POET FROM HIS BOOK 'THE PROPHET". Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
Sairam, Sairam and Sairam. Swami gave this unique opportunity for a reason. To restore, preserve our family values, and transform ourselves. We have just started our journey.
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