RESPECTING BOUNDARIES CONFLICT MEDIATION AND ROOMMATE RELATIONSHIPS Presented
RESPECTING BOUNDARIES: CONFLICT MEDIATION AND ROOMMATE RELATIONSHIPS Presented by: Diana Fruth, Temetria Hargett and John Trawick
PRESENTATION OBJECTIVES Participants will be provided instruction on appropriate conflict mediation techniques Participants will be provided instruction on the goals of the mediation process Participants will be provided instruction on different strategies for handling roommate conflicts Participants will be provided instruction on the importance of documenting conversations involving a resident conflict Participants will be provided instruction on the strategies for helping roommates reach consensus Participants will be shown how to effectively facilitate a roommate agreement
CHAMPIONS BY DESIGN: BUILDING A WINNING TEAM! How do roommates/suitemates/apartment-mates exhibit a “team” philosophy? How do you, as RAs and CAs, facilitate this process?
RA/CA Residents in Conflict
PRESENTATION OUTLINE Housing Mission Roommate Agreements Conflict Mediation Steps for Mediation Communication SOLER Model Follow Up
HOUSING MISSION STATEMENT To provide comfortable, comfortable affordable, and affordable secure on-campus housing options in residential communities where the academic success and personal growth academic success of residents are encouraged and supported.
ROOMMATE AGREEMENT Every resident that shares a room, suite, or apartment with someone else should complete an agreement. What is important about filling out a roommate agreement? � Can be used as a point of reference � Residents can always make changes and updates as needed
SOLER HELPING MODEL Sending the message that you are listening can be done by being attentive both verbally and nonverbally. SOLER is an acronym that reminds us how to listen nonverbally. S face the resident squarely; that is adopt a posture that indicates involvement O open posture. Sit with both feet on the ground, arms open L face resident, lean toward them. Be aware of space needs E maintain eye contact R reflect
TYPES OF QUESTIONS Open Closed Probes Request for clarification
NON-HELPFUL BEHAVIOR Advice giving Lecturing Excessive storytelling Excessive questioning
CONFLICT What is conflict? Conflict exists when two parties perceive they have mutually exclusive goals – that is, the satisfaction of one goal is incompatible with the satisfaction of the other (Blimling, 2003).
CONFLICT Types of conflict Policy Violations Roommates/Suitemates Rumors and gossip Staff members
MEDIATION What is mediation? Mediation is a process in which a neutral third party assists in resolving a dispute between two or more parties. � In this case, it is the RA or CA. (Honeyman & Yawanarajah, 2003)
CONFLICT MEDIATION Your residents may decide: 1. To discuss the issue 2. Not to discuss the issue 3. To resolve the issue without involving you 4. To request a room change
CONFLICT MEDIATION If the residents would like to meet to discuss the issue try the following: 1. Ask for a date and time 2. Meeting location 3. Alert your supervisor about the meeting
STEPS FOR MEDIATION Agree upon ground rules Communication Language � Use “I” Statements Verify and discuss the information that is given Generate solutions Discuss solutions Select a solution/ Negotiate Follow - Up
GROUND RULES Agree upon the ground rules: No physical contact Language � No cursing � No name calling Speaking rights � One person speaking at a time � Only current information � “I” statements Establish a time Limit
COMMUNICATION Four common types of communication styles that hinder healthy conversation: 1. Defensive 2. Hostile 3. Manipulative 4. Avoidance
COMMUNICATION IN ACTION Basic Principles Residents must be accepted as individuals. Helping is basically a permissive relationship; the individual has permission to speak without being reprimanded. Helping emphasizes thinking with, not for the individual. Decision-making rests with the resident.
COMMUNICATION IN ACTION Helping is centered on the problem of the Helpee. Helping can be a learning situation which eventually results in behavioral change. Effectiveness in helping depends considerably on the readiness of the Helpee. The helping relationship is confidential with several important exceptions.
DISCUSSING THE INFORMATION Paraphrase / Summarize � Discussing the information that has been communicated. Have both individuals discuss what they heard the other person say.
SOLUTIONS Understand that a solution may not be reached during the initial meeting or with your assistance and that is OK! There also some conflicts that you can’t solve.
CONSULTING UP If you find yourself in a situation that is too much for you to handle, be sure to consult with your supervisor. How is consulting up important?
FOLLOW UP Check up to see how things are going.
PRACTICE TIME! Role Play
ROOMMATE CONFLICT You hear two of your residents arguing very loudly. When you knock on the door you learn that one of the residents is accusing the other that they were flirting with their boyfriend/girlfriend and trying to “steal” them away. It is becoming very loud and neither resident is listening to each other. When you walk into the room a book comes flying at you. What do you do?
HALL CONFLICT You are doing rounds and hear loud music several doors away. As you get closer, you see a resident come out of his room and approach the room with the noise violation angrily, knocking and shouting, “Every night you play your music! Be considerate, I’m trying to go to sleep!” What steps do you take?
ROOMMATE CONFLICT Your resident, Sandy, comes to you complaining of her roommate, Alice has a boyfriend who lives several hours away and they visit each other on alternating weekends. When he visits Alice, he stays with her in the residence hall room and use the suite’s shower. This has been happening for 2 months now; Sandy has tried explaining her frustration but Alice says, “But you have the room to yourself every other weekend. What’s the problem? ” What steps do you take?
REFERENCES Blimling, G. (2003). The Resident Assistant: Applications and Strategies for working with college students in residence halls. Dubuque, Iowa: Kendall/Hunt Honeyman, C. & Yawanarajah, N. (Eds. ). (2003). “Mediation. ” Beyond Intractability. www. beyondintracability. com Photo from http: //www. zerooneusa. com/news 01. php
- Slides: 32