Resolving Conflicts Life Skills Training Lesson 9 Vocabulary
Resolving Conflicts Life Skills Training Lesson 9 Vocabulary: Compromise—A compromise occurs when each person in a conflict gives up something to gain something they want. Negotiation—People in conflict work together to come up with a solution in which both get what is most important to them.
Goals of this lesson • What are the 5 basic steps of conflict resolution? • How can I apply anxiety-reducing and anger-controlling techniques? • What are some good decisions that I can make to end a conflict? • How can I apply communication techniques to end a fight? • Why do assertiveness techniques help to end conflict? • What are some skills that I can practice to end or avoid a fight?
Conflict Resolution • Resolving a conflict successfully means standing up for ourselves and getting at least some of what we want without damaging or ignoring the other person’s rights.
Methods of Conflict Resolution • Striking back verbally or physically • Giving in to the other person • Walking away • Compromising • Negotiating
5 Methods of Conflict Resolution • Identify a time when each would be appropriate. • 1. Striking back verbally and/or physically • 2. Giving in to the other person • 3. Walking away
5 Methods of Conflict Resolution Identify a time when these methods are appropriate 4. Compromising: 5. Negotiating:
Which method is best? • Any of the 5 methods may be effective in certain situations. • Striking back can lead to violence, which can escalate until both people are out of control and real damage is done. • In really dangerous situations, giving in or walking away may be the most appropriate response. • If we give in or walk away in everyday situations, however, we never get what we want. This can lead to low self-esteem. • Where possible, compromise and negotiation are usually the best responses to conflict.
What would you do? Situation #1: You’re walking home but you’re running late. You try to call home to let them know, but your cell phone battery is dead. You notice three older kids walking toward you, and they start teasing you. As they get closer, their behavior seems threatening. How would you feel? What would you do?
What would you do? • Situation #2: You receive a mass text message from a classmate saying hurtful, unkind things about you. You know some of your classmates have received it. In the hallway at school, you see the person who sent the text. • How would you feel? • What would you do?
6 Basic Steps for Successful Conflict Resolution • 1. • 2. • 3. • 4. • 5. • 6. Stay cool Cool off the other person Listen to the other person Stand up for yourself Show respect Solve the problem
Real Life Conflicts • A) You and your friend have a plan to hang out on Saturday. At the last minute your friend texts you that they’re going to the movies with their other friends. • How would you feel? • What would you do?
Real Life Conflicts B. Your younger brother idolizes you. Everywhere you go, he wants to tag along. You don’t mind playing with him once in awhile, but not all the time. Your friends come over to hang out. Your brother is pestering all of you. You tell him to leave you alone, but he won’t go away. • How do you feel? • What do you do?
Real Life Conflicts C. You really like someone in your class, and this person seems to like you, too. When the two of you are alone, you get along fine. But with other people around, this person acts like you’re invisible and won’t talk to you or even acknowledge you. • How do you feel? • What do you do?
Real Life Conflicts D. There’s a kid in school who’s big and mean and scares everyone. One day this kid accuses you of something you didn’t do and says that after school he’s going to beat you up. How would you feel? What would you do?
Using the 3 Cs in Conflict Resolution • Clarify the problem: “What is the conflict? ” “What is the best way for me to handle this conflict? ” • Consider the options: “Fight or not to fight? Give in or run away? Or try to resolve the issue so we can both get at least some of what we want and retain our self-respect? ” What are the short and long term consequences? • Choose the best alternative for you and take action.
Managing Stress and Anger Examples: Relax, take a deep breath, flash a warning light and/or count to ten before responding angrily, giving in, or running away. Use self-statements and positive thinking: “I can stand up for myself and still keep my cool. ” “I can control my anger. ” Look at it from the other person’s point of view. Ask yourself: “Is this serious enough to fight over? ”
Apply the communication skills you have learned • Be specific: General statements like “That’s not fair” are not helpful. “How about we try it my way this time? ” and “I wish you wouldn’t yell at me in front of my friends” are specific. • Listen. What is the other person saying? Ask questions if the other person is not specific enough: “You mean I can never stay out past eight or just on school nights? ” • Pay attention to body language and tone of voice—yours and the other person’s. • Remember: Aggressive vs. Passive vs. Assertive
Assertiveness • State your position clearly an firmly. It can help to give a reason for your position and to show that you understand the other person’s point of view. • Make your request. Use “I feel” or “I want” to express yourself. • Use assertive body language and tone of voice. Speak smoothly, stand up straight, and look the other person in the eye.
Summary • A successfully resolved conflict is one in which both sides get at least some of what they want and no one gets hurt. • There are five major ways people respond to conflicts—giving in, going away, striking back, compromise, and negotiation. Compromise and negotiation generally get the best results. • Skills in decision-making, anxiety reduction, anger control, communication, and assertiveness can help reinforce key strategies for successful conflict resolution—stay cool, cool off your opponent, listen, stand up for yourself, show respect, and solve the problem.
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