RESILIENT KIDS 5 Tools for Raising Resilient Kids

WHY ARE WE HERE? MILITARY LIFE REGULAR LIFE • • • Moves Unpredictability Pressure

W HAT IS RESILENCE? The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY! • What do we

RESILENCE ≠ STOICISM • Resilience requires emotion – Ignoring emotions -> damaging behavior –

5 TOOLS 1. Build trust. 2. Share bad news. 3. Accept emotions. 4. Move

BUILD TRUST • What doesn’t work? – “Stop crying!” “Calm down. ” “Just relax!”

SHARE BAD NEWS 1. Learn a little. 2. Pick a message. 3. Ask questions.

ACCEPT EMOTIONS MOVE TOWARD ACTION • • Give your child a map FROM EMOTION

Love • Empathy • Helpfulness • Greater resources • Experience • Habit • Genuine

CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES The Myth: “Getting involved will make us both feel better!”

GATHER INFORMATION • • Ask your child Build a network Spend more time together

ONE STEP BACK Skill building • Chores • Homework • Food • Errands •

GUIDE THEIR PLAN • • • Let life teach the lesson! Praise the process.

Learn More At: www. Ask. Doctor. G. com/join/ Twitter: @Ask. Doc. G Email: drg@Ask.

Slides: 15

Download presentation

RESILIENT KIDS 5 Tools for Raising Resilient Kids in a Military Family Deborah Gilboa, MD www. Ask. Dr. G. com

WHY ARE WE HERE? MILITARY LIFE REGULAR LIFE • • • Moves Unpredictability Pressure Deployments War PTSD Tattling Homework Friend drama Sibling struggles Disappointments Bullying

W HAT IS RESILENCE? The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY! • What do we know? – Bad things happen. – There always choices to be made. – Feelings change over time. – Recovery requires tools and experience. • What do they need? PRACTICE.

RESILENCE ≠ STOICISM • Resilience requires emotion – Ignoring emotions -> damaging behavior – Expressing emotions -> positive coping mechanisms – Teach this best by explaining AND modeling • Resilience moves beyond emotion to action. • What do they need? PRACTICE.

5 TOOLS 1. Build trust. 2. Share bad news. 3. Accept emotions. 4. Move toward action. 5. Guide THEIR plan.

BUILD TRUST • What doesn’t work? – “Stop crying!” “Calm down. ” “Just relax!” • Why not? – Can I tell you how to feel? – Strong emotion is a sign of fight or flight. • What does work? – Communication – Repetition – Modeling

SHARE BAD NEWS 1. Learn a little. 2. Pick a message. 3. Ask questions.

ACCEPT EMOTIONS MOVE TOWARD ACTION • • Give your child a map FROM EMOTION -> ACTION Empathy Get to the truth. Don’t offer solutions. Ask for options.

Love • Empathy • Helpfulness • Greater resources • Experience • Habit • Genuine enjoyment SO, Responsibility WHAT’S Overwhelming THE Deteriorating PROBLEM? Future Fear • • consequences • Risking the relationship GUILT.

CULTURE OF “SUCCESSFUL FAMILIES The Myth: “Getting involved will make us both feel better!” The Truth: Stepping back helps kids become adults.

GATHER INFORMATION • • Ask your child Build a network Spend more time together Get help, persevere TRUST YOUR GUT

ONE STEP BACK Skill building • Chores • Homework • Food • Errands • Extra-curriculars Relationship building • Siblings • Friends • Other adults Problem-solving

GUIDE THEIR PLAN • • • Let life teach the lesson! Praise the process. Play “What if? ” Read a book or watch a show. What would you tell a friend? “I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”

Learn More At: www. Ask. Doctor. G. com/join/ Twitter: @Ask. Doc. G Email: drg@Ask. Doctor. G. com Facebook: Ask. Doctor. G

Available now! Available Sept 2014