Professional and Business Writing in the Workplace Emails
Professional and Business Writing in the Workplace E-mails
Today’s Presenter 1976: M. A. English, French (University of Münster, Germany) 1994: Ph. D. English Literature (Arizona State University) 1995 -present: Instructor at Arizona State University: • Business Writing, Writing for Professions • Creative Non-fiction, Composition 2000 -present: editing, business writing for local non-profit organization
Today’s Topics 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Preparing to write an e-mail Using the prefatory elements Beginning the message Organizing the contents Closing the message Observing legal issues with e-mails Considering formality and “netiquette” Revising and editing e-mails Proofreading the message
Before Writing an E-mail 1. 2. Learn your organization’s e-mail policy. Display the “you” attitude (Replace terms that refer to yourself and your company with terms that refer to your audience; empathize with your audience sincerely and genuinely). 3. Know the purpose of your message.
Prefatory Elements 1. “To” line Verify recipient’s address, for any error will result in failure to reach the recipient. 2. “Cc” line (= courtesy copy) and “Bcc” line (= blind courtesy copy) Use these lines thoughtfully and consider your organization’s practice and protocol.
Prefatory Elements (cont. ) “Subject” line Provide a subject line that describes the topic and focus of your message. Be specific and accurate to aid filing and later retrieval. Keep it short (some e-mail programs only show first 28 characters of subject line). Capitalize all major words except articles, prepositions, and conjunctions.
Prefatory Elements (cont. ) Effective Subject Lines Ineffective July Sales Results Tomorrow’s Meeting Marketing Reports Employee Parking Status Report More effective July Sales: Good News and Bad News Tomorrow’s Meeting: Be Ready for Tough Questions Reminder: Marketing Reports Due Monday Revised Resurfacing Schedule for Employee Parking Lot Website Re-design behind Schedule
Beginning the Message The Salutation: 1. Formal e-mail messages: Ms. Jones, Mr. Adams, Dr. Clark, 2. Less formal e-mails to individuals or small groups inside your organization: Dear Andy, Dear Project Colleagues, 3. Personal note to friend or close colleague: Hi Mike, Hello Jenny, Bill,
Organizing the Contents Short e-mails: Use top-down order: 1. Present most important material first. 2. Arrange remaining material in descending order of importance.
Organizing the Contents (cont. ) More complex emails: 1. Introductory paragraph: Attract audience’s attention and state purpose. 2. Body paragraphs: › › 3. Present information in logical order (e. g. problem-solution, cause-effect, general observation-specific examples). Keep paragraphs short. Break up long e-mail into separate messages. (Information requiring more than 3 e-mails is too much for e-mail distribution. ) Use visual markers (e. g. headings, bulleted lists, capital letters). Concluding paragraph: Summarize main points, highlight action required.
Closing the Message Formal closings Best wishes, Sincerely, Cordially, Informal closings Best, Take care, Regards, Warm regards,
Legal Issues with E-mails can be saved and used against you. › Courts treat e-mails like any other written communication (like letters and written memos). Workplace e-mails are “owned” by your employer. › Employers are within their rights to read your e-mail without your knowledge or permission. › Deleted e-mails can be retrieved from company servers. Avoid using professional e-mail account for personal messages.
Legal Issues with E-mails (cont. ) Emails are protected under copyright laws. › If you receive e-mail from another party, you cannot post it to your company’s website without permission. Harassment and discrimination cases use e-mails as evidence. › Personal relationships; a co-worker’s appearance; indiscreet comments about gender, race, or sexual orientation; “harmless” dirty jokes forwarded endlessly all are off-limits.
Levels of Formality Too informal: “Our meeting with United went south right away when they threw a hissy fit, saying that we blew off the deadline for the progress report. ” Moderately formal: “In our meeting, the United representatives expressed concern that we had missed the deadline for the progress report. ” Too formal: “It was indubitably the case that our team missed the deadline for the progress report, but it was equally disconcerting that the United representatives were uncharacteristically nonplussed. ”
Levels of Formality (cont. ) Sentence structure and diction: o Mixture of short and long sentences o Use of active voice (at least predominantly) o Commonly used words Avoid the following: o contractions o sentence fragments o abbreviations like “BTW” for “by the way”, “THX” for “Thanks” o emoticons o quotations or aphorisms (e. g. *May the Force be with you. *)
Levels of Formality (cont. ) Cliché Natural Attached please find … Attached is … Enclosed please find … Enclosed is … Pursuant to our agreement … As we agreed, … In reference to your letter … As you wrote, … We wish to advise you that … (don’t use it!) The writer believes that … I believe that …
Netiquette Guidelines Keep message brief and concise Do not write in ALL UPPERCASE nor all lower case letters Verify that your recipient’s software will accept your attachments Do not forward messages without permission Do not send or forward SPAM
Netiquette Guidelines (cont. ) Never immediately respond to an e-mail that makes you angry, confused, or upset. Avoid humor, sarcasm, or irony. Refrain from comments that you would never make in face-to-face contact with that person or to a legal professional.
Netiquette Guidelines (cont. ) Be careful about excerpting or forwarding the email of others. Think twice about forwarding urgent messages about viruses; they are usually hoaxes. Be forgiving about other people’s grammatical mistakes, but don’t make any of your own.
Ms. Garbett, Please send me the additional information we need in determining whether to enroll some of our executives in your online management courses. We have received the general information and the schedule. Specifically, we need answers to the following questions: 1. What are your quantity discount rates? We could enroll six executives for each course. 2. At what background level is your program geared? We have accountants, financial analysts, and business executives. Most of them have college degrees. 3. What arrangements need to be made for them to receive college credit? Some of our executives are working on degrees and want credit. We will appreciate having your answers for our October 3 staff meeting. We look forward to the possibility of having our executives attend your courses. Ronald Dupree, Director of Training Sorbet Inc. Sample E-mail Phone: 619. 594. 6942, Fax: 8 -1. 309. 2411 www. sorbet. com
Revising and Editing E-mails To: From: Date: Re: <company employees> Wesley Moskal January 1, 2009 Company Relocating Bad News Email (weak version) Effective July 1, 2009 (the beginning of the new fiscal year), we will relocate are offices to Mason, Ohio. Approved by the Board of Directors at it’s last meeting, this relocation will enable the company to reduce its operating expenses by 15%. All employees wishing to relocate should notify there supervisors by the end of next week, rather then waiting until the last minute. We appreciate your support of this move. Wesley Moskal
Revising and Editing E-mails (cont. ) From: Mark Stephens Date: June 24, 2009 To: Janet Adams Subject: Your request for donation Ms. Adams, We regret to inform you that we cannot grant your request for a donation to your Young Business Leaders scholarship fund. Here at Tech. Com, we receive so many requests for contributions that we have found it necessary to budget a definite amount each year for this purpose. Our budgeting funds for this year have been exhausted, so we simply cannot consider additional requests. We deeply regret our inability to help you and trust that you understand our position. Mark Stephens Public Relations Department Director Weak Version
Revising and Editing E-mails (cont. ) From: Mark Stephens Date: June 24, 2009 To: Janet Adams Subject: Your Scholarship Fund Request Ms. Adams, Improved Version (indirect approach) Your efforts to build the scholarship fund for Young Business Leaders students are most commendable. We wish you good success in your efforts to assist students in realizing their full potential. We at Tech. Com are always willing to promote worthy causes when we can. That is why each January we budget for the year the maximum amount we believe we will be able to contribute to such causes. Then we distribute that amount among the various deserving groups. Since our budgeted contributions for this year have already been made, we are placing your organization on our list for consideration next year. We wish you good luck in your efforts to help educate young business leaders of tomorrow. Mark Stephens, Public Relations Department Director
Revising and Editing E-mails (cont. ) From: Mark Stephens Date: June 24, 2009 To: Janet Adams Subject: Your Scholarship Fund Request Ms. Adams, Improved Version (direct approach) Your efforts to build the scholarship fund for Young Business Leaders are very commendable. Unfortunately, we will be unable to grant your request for a donation. We at Tech. Com are always willing to promote worthy causes when we can. That is why each January we budget for the year the maximum amount we believe we will be able to contribute to such causes. Then we distribute that amount among the various deserving groups. Since our budgeted contributions for this year have already been made, we are placing your organization on our list for consideration next year. We wish you good luck in your efforts to help educate young business leaders of tomorrow. Mark Stephens, Public Relations Department Director
Revising and Editing E-mails (cont. ) To: From: Date: Re: Preston Larson Janette Nowicki May 24, 2009 Your Junior Accountant “constructive email” (weak version) Mallory Welch, a junior accountant at your firm, has been working with us on-site for about 3 weeks, and her conduct is deplorable. Her demeanor is absolutely unprofessional; her “not my problem” attitude has generated so much friction that a valued employee refuses to work in the same room with her. Although extensive knowledge of auditing is important, Welch’s personal shortcomings far outweigh her technical expertise. I seriously hope Welch is able to take steps to correct the situation.
Revising and Editing E-mails (cont. ) To: Preston Larson From: Janette Nowicki Date: May 24, 2009 Re: Your Junior Accountant “constructive criticism” (improved version) Mallory Welch, a junior accountant at your firm, has been working with us on-site for about 3 weeks. She is a very proficient auditor and did an excellent job of straightening out a tangle in our electronic accounting system last week. Her demeanor, while friendly and open, has caused some of our employees to complain that she does not take her work seriously. She jokes with other members of the audit team, which disrupts the attention of the employees. Two or three of our managers also commented on Mallory’s dress that seems to them more appropriate for a round of tennis than a business office. Mallory is quite good at her job; I know from conversations with her that she is sincere and has sound judgment. Please convey my concerns to Mallory confidentially so that the rest of her time in our office will go more smoothly for her and for us.
Proofreading the Message Watch for Spelling Grammar Punctuation Try to find the 10 errors in the following message:
Proofreading the Message (cont. ) Mr. Goldberg, Your invitation to address the National Association of Small Business Owners is a most distinct honor to me personally. I am well aware of the high quality of NASBO and there members. Presenting a major paper to this quality group deserves a thorough effort and its obviously an effort that requires time. Since my time is fully committed to a writing project for the month’s ahead may I suggest that you Ms. Paula Perkins of are staff for the speaking opportunity? Paula is an outstanding speaker and an expert on womens issues in small business, particularly issues in getting financing thru bank loans and venture capital. Paula can be reached at pperk@tbs. net. Rather then simply decline your invitation, I wanted to offer you an alternative. If I can help you further in your efforts, please e-mail me again. I wish you good luck with the program.
Proofreading the Message (cont. ) Error 1: “Your invitation to address the National Association of Small Business Owners is a most distinct honor to me personally. I am well aware of the high quality of NASBO and there members. ” Explanation: NASBO and its members (U. S. usage treats company names as singular nouns. ) So it should read: “. . . High quality of NASBO and its members. ” Remember also to distinguish between “their” (= possessive adjective) and “there” (adverb indicating location). Errors 2 -3: “Presenting a major paper to this quality group deserves a thorough effort, and its obviously an effort that requires time. ” Explanation: You must separate clauses with a comma and a conjunction. The second clause requires a subject and a verb, in this case, “it is. ” That would be indicated by adding an apostrophe to “it’s, ” or, even better, “it is” (avoid using contractions altogether in a business correspondence).
Proofreading the Message (cont. ) Errors 4 -7: “Since my time is fully committed to a writing project for the month’s ahead, may I suggest that you contact Ms. Paula Perkins of are staff for the speaking opportunity? Explanation: “Months” is plural, not possessive; it does not require an apostrophe. Generally, place a comma after an introductory clause or phrase, especially if it is long, to identify where the introductory element ends and the main part of the sentence begins. “Contact”: Read the sentence aloud to catch any words that are mistakenly left out. For many American speakers, “are” is a homophone of “our. ” Try to differentiate between the verb and the possessive adjective.
Proofreading the Message (cont. ) Errors 8 -10: “Paula is an outstanding speaker and an expert on womens issues in small business, particularly issues in getting financing thru bank loans and venture capital. Paula can be reached at pperk@tbs. net. Rather then simply decline your invitation, I wanted to offer you an alternative. Explanation: women’s issues (Note the possessive case: the issues of women) Use of apostrophe for possession: Singular noun: my neighbor’s house; one woman’s house Regular plural noun: my neighbors’ houses Irregular plural noun: the women’s houses, the men’s conference, the children’s toys *thru* is too casual. Use traditional spelling. For many American speakers, “then” sounds like “than. ” “Then” is chronological; it places actions in a time sequence. “Than” is used to show a contrast and is usually used after the comparative form of an adjective (e. g. bigger than).
Proofreading the Message (cont. ) From: Jay Rosen Date: July 1, 2009 Please check To: Shannon Newton for errors Subject: Problems with New Computer System Please except our apologies for any confusion that our recent computer system changeover may have caused you, especially for any inadvertent error’s that appeared on your June monthly statement. We identified a few inconsistencies in our statement processing that impacted selected accounts and our computer experts have diligently worked to eliminate them. If you require a corrected June monthly statement, and we have not already sent you a replacement copy, please contact your Financial Advisor. Thank you for your patients and understanding. Thank you for being apart of the Cowden & Madison team. We are privileged to serve you and guide you in your investment portfolios.
Characteristics of Effective E-mails Concise: condense information Coherent: structure information clearly Compelling: use persuasive evidence and word choices Civilized: use expected business etiquette Correct: follow conventions of high-quality writing, including those of grammar, spelling, etc.
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