Pastoral Care An Introduction Why is Pastoral Care

Pastoral Care An Introduction

Why is Pastoral Care Important? • What is your understanding of pastoral care? • Most rewarding part of providing pastoral care? • Most challenging part of providing pastoral care?

What is Pastoral Care? • Pastoral care is the ministry of care and counseling provided by pastors, chaplains, and other religious leaders to members of their church, congregation or persons within a faithbased institution. This can range anywhere from home visitation to formal counseling provided by pastors who are licensed to offer counseling services. This is also frequently referred to as spiritual care.

• 'Pastoral care' is also a term applied where people offer help and caring to others in their church or wider community. Pastoral care in this sense can be applied to listening, supporting, encouraging and befriending.

Counseling: What Is It? • Assisting people to change or to cope with change that has occurred

Who Needs Counseling? • Everyone! Including the pastor/counselor. • Three reasons: – (1) Creation - because we are human & need truth outside ourselves – (2) Fall – (3) Redemption – the heart is deceitful, sinful

Counseling: Faith Working Through Love • “A relationship of trusted motive prevails only when you as a Christian pastor voluntarily accept and effectively carry through with your power as a representative of the love of Christ. You are a servant of people for Jesus’ sake. The effectiveness of all pastoral procedures depends upon the singleness of this motivation, . . . ” (Oates, The Christian Pastor, 78)

• “Every knowledge of the human heart, every skill in dealing with human problems, is as dangerous as it is useful, and ordinarily it is the presence or absence of the love of Christ that makes the difference. ” • Wayne E. Oates, The Christian Pastor, 3 rd ed, rev. (Philadelphia: Westminster, 1982), 81.

Effectiveness in Counseling • The basic characteristics of a helping relationship are: • accurate empathy • nonpossessive warmth – A real interest in the person, a sincere concern for him or her; an outgoing positive action involving active, personal participation • inherent genuineness

Effectiveness as a Counselor • Character Qualities – Humility • accurate self-assessment, flexibility of spirit – Love • encouragement & hope, servant attitude – Faithfulness • dependability, discipline – Spiritual Maturity • personal holiness, Biblical/theological wisdom

Effectiveness as a Counselor • Functional Qualities – Building relationships • gentleness, kindness, sensitive, peacemaking – Understanding the counselee’s environment • data gathering, uncovering heart issues – Communicating • listening, other-centeredness, clarity presenting gospel – Planning Action • application, oversight/accountability, encouragement/admonition

Context for Effective Counseling • • Safe environment - safe, “holding” environment Comfortable - lighting; air; furniture; tissues Confidentiality Non-distracting Furniture Arrangement - extra chairs & couch Forms & Record-keeping Lending Library Referral Network in place

9 Things To Remember About The Counselee 1) Acknowledge hurdles many overcame just to contact you for help (self-image issues) 2) Recognize risks & exposure (vulnerability) 3) Each seeks, & needs, a place of security & safety 4) Recognize that some, if not most, do not want to be there 5) Be aware of the tension between request for help & refusal of it

6) Each comes with ideas, assumptions, & expectations that need to be explored (pastor as mind-reader, “fix-it” person, condoner of sin, etc. ) 7) The 1 -to-1 relationship and total privacy may stir up intense and disturbing fantasy & perception formations 8) Gender issues warrant consideration 9) Clear boundaries are essential. The counselor bears final responsibility for establishing, maintaining, & rectifying appropriate boundaries.

Assessment in Counseling with Adults • Basic anxiety & neuroses (disorder in how one thinks about oneself and one’s life) • Depression • Psychotic (inability to distinguish reality from fantasy; impaired reality testing) • Neurological (organic mental disorder, mental retardation; Alzheimer's; etc. )

Assessment • Spiritual – the heart • Psychological (mental, emotional, social) • Medical • Combination of the above

Assessment • Distinguish between: –CONTENT –PROCESS

Assessment • CONTENT: “laundry list” of items or complaints • PROCESS: the dynamics of the major issues; the source of the “laundry list” • Need to focus on both; especially process.

The Phases of Counseling • Beginning – Middle » Ending

The Phases of Counseling 2 • Beginning: joining; establishing rapport; & assessment – Practice how you begin!! • Middle: changing; ebb & flow of progress • Ending: consolidating changes; blessing; termination

Assessment: The “Magic” ? ? ? s – These questions are “magic” in the sense that “they provide focus and perspective on almost any situation, enabling one to know at least something about how to deal with it. ” • John Patton, Pastoral Counseling: A Ministry of the Church. Nashville: Abingdon, 1983, 90. • Question #1 - “What are you looking for? ” – Focus: communicates it’s their responsibility – Perspective: helps identify their needs

Assessment: The “Magic” ? ? ? s 2 • Question #2 - “Why now? ” – Focus: identifies the urgency – Perspective: sense of hopefulness/possibility* • Things have changed and, thus, can change again

Assessment: The “Magic” ? ? ? s • Question #3 - “Why me and this place? ” – Focus: acknowledges the importance of the relationship – Perspective: identifies unrealistic expectations

Assessment: The “Magic” ? ? ? s • Question #4 - “What hurts? ” – Focus: the person’s problem or concern – Perspective: listening stance

How You Begin May Determine the Outcome

Supportive Counseling • “The sustaining function of the cure of souls in our day continues to be a crucially important helping ministry. . ” – William A Clebsch & Charles R. Jaekle, Pastoral Care in Historical Perspective (Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 1964), 80, emphasis added.

Supportive Counseling • “In supportive care and counseling, the pastor uses methods that stabilize, undergird, nurture, motivate, or guide troubled persons—enabling them to handle their problems and relationships more constructively. . ” • Howard Clinebell, Basic Types, rev. ed. (Nashville, TN: Abingdon, 1984), 170.

Supportive Counseling • Supportive counseling is the primary approach used in crisis intervention and in bereavement (grief) counseling. • A dependable, nurturing relationship (Oates: “relationship of trusted motive”) is at the heart of the process. • Danger: development of unconstructive dependency

Supportive Counseling • Types of counselor responses/interventions: – Evaluative - judgment of behaviors, actions, attitudes – Interpretive - informing; teaching – Supportive - reassurance to reduce anxiety – Probing - gather more data; questions – Understanding - communicate empathy; reassurance – Advising - recommendations; suggestions

Transference: “Don’t I Know You? ? ” • Transference: the phenomenon of reacting to a person as if he/she is another person from one’s past. “A distorted and inappropriate response derived from unresolved unconscious conflicts in a person’s past. ” – (See Richard S. Schwartz, “A Psychiatrist’s View of Transference & Countertransference in the Pastoral Relationship” in Journal of Pastoral Care 43 (1), Spring 1989, 41 -42. )

Transference & Countertransference • Transference refers to thoughts, feelings, attitudes, & behaviors of the counselee toward the counselor or of the parishioner toward the pastor. • Countertransference refers to the same process in reverse: the pastor’s thoughts, feelings, etc. toward the parishioner.

Triangulation • Three people stuck in repetitive, malicious patterns of interaction. – Common triangles encountered in ministry: couples, parents & children, church group conflict, issues, etc.

Never Underestimate the Effectiveness of. . . the Ministry of Listening

Hearing vs. Listening “Was I paying attention? ”

Hearing vs. Listening • Do you think there is a difference between hearing and listening? – You are right, there is! • Hearing is simply the act of perceiving sound by the ear. If you are not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens. • Listening, however, is something you consciously choose to do. Listening requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences. Listening leads to learning.

Most people tend to be "hard of listening" rather than "hard of hearing. "

Listening. . . is intermittent. . is a learned skill. . is active. . implies using the message received.

The Process of Listening

Obstacles to Effective Listening • • Physical distractions Psychological distractions Factual distractions Semantic distractions

Promoting Better Listening • • Desire to listen. Focus on the message. Listen for main ideas. Understand the speaker’s point of view.

Promoting Better Listening cont. • • • Withhold judgment. Reinforce the message. Provide feedback. Listen with the body. Listen critically.

Types of Listening • Active vs. Passive • Positive vs. Negative • What Kind is it? – Appreciative – Empathic – Discriminative – Analytical

What is Interactive Listening? • Cultivated skill involving the goaloriented active, positive process of receiving and attending to aural stimuli • Conscious elimination of perceptual barriers

Improving Your Listening Skills • Identify Objectives • Know Your Listening Habits • Generate Motivation and Energy • Eliminate Distractions • Ask questions – Closed – Open – Probing • Evaluate Your Progress

Effective Listening • Effective listening requires an understanding that it is not just the speaker's responsibility to make sure he/she is understood. • The listener has a major role to play in hearing the complete message. • The following ideas will assist the listener in understanding the message.

Ten Commandments of Effective Listening 1. Stop talking! You cannot listen when you are talking. You will only be thinking about what you are going to say next instead of paying attention to what the other person is trying to say. Consciously focus your attention on the speaker. 2. Put the speaker at ease: Relax, smile, look at the speaker and help that person feel free to talk. Look and act interested. Remove distractions: turn off the TV; close the door; stop what you are doing, and pay attention. 3. Pay attention to the nonverbal language of physical gestures, facial expressions, tone of voice, and body posture. An authority on nonverbal language says that 55 percent of the message meaning is nonverbal, 38 percent is indicated by tone of voice, and only 7 percent is conveyed by the words used in a spoken message. Few people know how to listen to the eyes; what a tapping foot means; a furrowed brow; clenched fist; the biting of nails. These often reveal the key feelings behind the words. 4. Listen for what is not said. Ask questions to clarify the meaning of words and the feelings involved, or ask the speaker to enlarge on the statement. People often find it difficult to speak up about matters or experiences that are very important or highly emotional for them. Listen for how the speaker presents the message. What people hesitate to say is often the most critical point.

5. Know exactly what the other person is saying. Reflect back what the other person has said in a "shared meaning" experience so you completely understand the meaning and content of the message before you reply to it. A good listener does not assume they understand the other person. You, as the listener, should not express your views until you have summarized the speaker's message to his satisfaction. 6. Be aware of "tune out" words. These are words which appear in the media that strike an emotional chord in the listener and interferes with attentive listening (e. g. abortion, nuclear war, communism, homosexuality). Avoid arguing mentally. Listen to understand, not to oppose.

7. Concentrate on "hidden" emotional meanings. What are the real feelings behind the words? What is the tone of voice saying? What does the emphasis on certain words mean? 8. Be patient. Don't interrupt the speaker. This is disrespectful and suggests you want to talk instead of listen. Allow plenty of time for the speaker to convey ideas and meaning. Be courteous and give the speaker adequate time to present the full message.

9. Hold your temper! Try to keep your own emotions from interfering with your listening efficiency. When emotions are high, there is a tendency to tune out the speaker, become defensive, or want to give advice. You don't have to agree to be a good listener. Don't argue! Even if you win, you lose. 10. Empathize with the speaker. Try to "walk in the other's moccasins" so you can feel what that person is feeling and understand the point of view the speaker is trying to convey.

Final thoughts? Questions?