Parents Antibullying Workshop November 2014 Lorna Naylor Antibullying

Parent’s Anti-bullying Workshop November 2014 Lorna Naylor Anti-bullying Coordinator

By the end of the session participants will • Be familiar with the types of behaviour which can constitute bullying behaviour • Know how to support young people who are victims, bullies and bystanders in bullying situations • Know about some of the legal requirements and strategies used by schools and how they can actively support schools • Know the procedures for accessing support in a bullying situation involving their children/young people

The Definition of bullying In Nottinghamshire we have decided to adopt the definition of bullying the Anti-bullying Alliance The repetitive , intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or through cyberspace. http: //www. anti-bullyingalliance. org. uk/about-us. aspx Although bullying can occur between individuals it can often take place in the presence (virtually or physically) of others who become the Bystanders or Accessories.

How does bullying differ from banter? • There is a deliberate intention to hurt or humiliate • There is a power imbalance • It is usually persistent Several Times On Purpose

Bullying can be. . . Physical Hitting, kicking, pushing, taking or hiding things Verbal Name calling, teasing, insulting, threats, gossiping Emotional Looks, graffiti, leaving out of groups, ignoring

“He will just have to learn to stand up for himself” Children who tell about bullying have usually reached the end of their tether. If they could have dealt with it they would have. Asking for support should not be seen as a weakness but accepting they cannot cope with the situation on their own.

“Tell him to hit back – harder” Bullies often are bigger and the victim could get hurt or sometimes accused of being the bully. This also reinforces the idea that violence and aggression are acceptable

“Its character- building!” Is this the sort of character you want to build? -bullying can damage the victim’s self esteem and make them reserved and distrustful

"That’s not bullying! Its just kids teasing” Teasing can turn into vicious taunting. Once teasing begins to hurt the victim it is no longer ‘just a bit of fun’ and should be stopped

“Sticks and stones may break your bones but names can never hurt you” Bruises heal but scars left by name calling can last for ever

The Players • The Target • The Bully • The Bystander

The Target Bullies need a target, they will find something about them to focus on but this is just an excuse to justify their behaviour. All children can be at risk of bullying but some may be more vulnerable to specific forms of bullying 1. Prejudice related bullying of children with special educational needs or disabilities, or related to sexual orientation (homophobic bullying), sex, race, religion and belief, gender reassignment (transphobic bullying) 2. Bullying related to appearance or health conditions. 3. Bullying of young carers or looked-after children or otherwise related to home circumstances.

Persistent school bullying can result in • • • Low self esteem Shyness Depression Poor academic achievement Threatened or attempted suicide

Possible signs of bullying • • • Being frightened to walk to and from school, changing their usual route Not wanting to go on the school bus, begging for a lift to school Refusing to go to school, feeling ill in the mornings, truanting Beginning to do poorly at school work Coming home regularly with clothes or books destroyed, possessions going missing Coming home starving ( had dinner money taken) Asking for money or stealing money, losing their pocket money Becoming withdrawn, lacking confidence, distressed anxious and refusing to say why Poor sleeping, nightmares Unexplained bruises, scratches etc Beginning to bully other siblings or be aggressive and unreasonable Giving improbable excuses to explain any of the above

How to help the target • • Ask Listen Reassure Discuss a plan with them

How? Try some open questions such as: • What did you do at school today? • Who did you play with? • Is there anyone at school you don’t like? Why? • Are you looking forward to going to school tomorrow?

If they have difficulties in explaining • Draw pictures with them or get them to draw some of the key parts of their day • Use toys, puppets or pets to encourage your child to talk • Use scales to rate how they are feeling at different times of the day (traffic lights) • Use pictures of faces showing feelings • Visual prompts-pictures in books, communication boards, cue cards

Then • Keep a diary of incidents • Decide when you think you want to involve others, such as the school, police, youth leader • Work with them to find a solution • Don’t be put off

The Bully Bullies pick on others as a way of making life better for themselves. They often use bullying as away of achieving popularity and friends, however • Unchecked bullying can damage the bully who learns that he or she can get away with violence, aggression and threats. • Studies have found that adults who were bullies as children have a higher chance of acquiring a criminal record, tend to be aggressive, and have problems in maintaining relationships

So why is my child behaving this way? Children sometimes bully others because • They want to be ‘in with the cool kids’ • It feels like fun-they don’t realise how much it hurts • They dislike or are jealous of someone • They feel powerful and respected • It gets them what they want • They are bullied or have been bullied themselves and are taking it out on someone else • They have problems in their life that are making them feel bad

What to do if your child is the bully • • • Stay calm and don’t get angry, your child might be going through a difficult time causing them to act out aggressive feelings Talk to them about why they bully and what they think they might do to stop. Reassure them that it is the behaviour you don’t like not them Work out away for your child to make amends for the bullying Work with the school or other setting to support you in helping to change your child’s behaviour and keep in touch with progress Give lots of positive feedback for good behaviour and opportunities to shine

The Bystander The bystander has an important and significant role in bullying. People who bully others are often trying to impress their peers, either by looking tough or funny. Without bystanders to watch the reaction of the victim, the bully will not gain their gratification. Research has identified the following reasons why students did not intervene ü It might be me next ü It’s only a bit of fun ü Ignore it and it will go away ü They deserve it However when peers intervene, bullying will stop in less than 10 seconds nearly 60% of the time.

The Role of the Bystander • Assistants are involved in the bullying act either by actively participating or by encouraging those involved. • Re-enforcers do not actively attack the victim but give positive feedback to the bully, providing an audience by laughing and making other encouraging gestures • Outsiders stay away, not taking sides with anyone or becoming actively involved, but allowing the bullying to continue by their ‘silent approval’ • Good Samaritans feel confident enough to intervene.

Working with the bystander Encourage your children not to be bystanders by telling them to : ü See it, get help, stop it. ü Tell them that by not doing anything they are encouraging the bully ü Support them if they decide to tell the bully to stop but only if they feel safe to do so ü Discuss with them ways in which they might help the victim such as forming a friendship group for the person being bullied to make sure they are not isolated. ü Listen and support them if they tell you about bullying ü Tell them not to forward unkind messages via email or texting

What is Cyberbullying? Threats Manipulation Hacking Exclusion Prejudice Stalking Public postings

• • Advice for parents on cyberbullying Discuss cyberbullying with your children - always respect others - treat your passwords with care - block/delete contacts & save conversations - don’t reply/retaliate - save evidence - make sure you tell Report the cyberbullying - school - service provider - police

What are the other esafety issues for young people? • Too much personal information given online • Contact with unsuitable people • Fake profiles • Exposure to inappropriate content • Damage to online reputation • Not following instructions

What is different about cyberbullying ? • You can conceal your identity • You can pursue victims in every corner of their life • You can amplify bullying in view of an audience • It can be experienced in chat rooms where vulnerable groups look for new friends • In some sites homophobic and hate language is almost the norm.

Homophobic language • Children grow up in many different kinds of families. Some live with their mum and dad, some are adopted, others have two mums or two dads. • Three quarters of primary school teachers hear children use the phrases 'that's so gay' or 'you're so gay' and two in five primary school teachers say children experience homophobic bullying. Fear of bullying can stop children from talking about their families and from doing what they enjoy. • Children feel as if their families are being associated with something bad and this is undermining their confidence and self esteem

Responding to homophobic language • Homophobic language should be challenged in the same way as racist language • Schools need parents support in challenging homophobic language • All children entitled to feel safe in school regardless of their personal circumstances and negative opinions of others • All schools have a legal obligation to respond to homophobic bullying and by celebrating difference they can prevent it from happening in the first place.

How schools can help 1. All schools should have an anti bullying policy which sets out clear principles so that all the school community knows the school standpoint on all forms of bullying. 2. The policy should be available to all parents on request but most schools offer a summary document to all families and young people 3. Most schools consult with parents/carers and young people when drawing up the policy

What should be in a policy? ü Evidence of consultation with parents/carers, governors, staff and young people ü The roles and responsibilities within the school ü Clear definitions of bullying behaviour ü Exactly how anyone should report bullying and how the school will respond ü How incidents are recorded and how that information is used ü The strategies used to prevent bullying ü How the policy links with other policies

How to complain – a brief guide to procedures • • • • Step 1: Talk to your child Listen and reassure Start keeping a full record (diary sheet) Ask them to tell their teacher Step 2: Talk to the class teacher or tutor Make an appointment Explain the situation Ask to see the Anti Bullying Policy and Behaviour Policy Note any agreed actions Keep in touch If you are not satisfied: Step 3: Talk to the Head Make an appointment Refer to the Anti Bullying and/or Behaviour Policy Note any agreed action If you complaint is not resolved:

• Step 4: Find out about the school’s complaints procedures Ask the Head in writing to see a copy • Step 5: Request for disclosure of education records Ask the Head in writing to see a copy Also ask to see your child’s record where bullying incidents should be logged • Step 6: Make a formal complaint Send a copy to the Head and the Chair of Governors • Step 6: Governors Should initiate complaints procedure Sub Committee will meet • Step 7: Local Authority May look at bullying procedures in the school and suggest support • Step 9: Department of Education-Secretary of State for Education Who will either pass on your concern to the relevant body ie OFSTED or investigate themselves