Parenting from a Distance Dr Carl Ruby Parenting

Parenting from a Distance Dr. Carl Ruby

Parenting from a Distance • • • Upcoming events and times to visit Changes to Anticipate Talking about Academics Staying connected Advice from a dad who cries during Hallmark commercials

Events and Visits • Give them a few weeks to get settled. • Don’t worry about THE PHONE CALL. • Check the college calendar for events that interest you. • Fall Break – October 13 -16, 2011 • Parents’ Weekend – November 4 & 5, 2011 • Lil’Sibs – February 10 & 11, 2012

Lets talk about change…. • Healthy families change. – College is a developmental crisis for both students and parents. – Help them find safe ways to prove that they are not you. • Expect change. . . anticipate the first visit home. – They will sleep for 20 hours straight…. and then go see their friends! – Discuss/negotiate your expectations. • Maintain their bedroom as long as you can. • Enjoy the opportunity for you to change too.

Seven Areas Where College Students Change • • Intellectual and Interpersonal Competence Ability to Manage Emotions Autonomy/Less Dependent on Parents Clearer Sense of Who They Are Stronger and Deeper Relationships Clearer Vocational Direction Deeper Moral Commitments

“So, how are your classes going? Talking about Academics • Eighty percent of freshmen are unsure of their major. • Over 50% will change their major. • Some will change their major several times. • “Ultimately, your major is your decision, but if you are going to change your major we would like to talk to you. ” • Suggest things for them to consider. • Suggest that they talk to Career Services.

“So, how are your classes going? Talking about Academics • FERPA – Family Education Rights and Privacy Act – Families have a right to access to grade reports, transcripts, and disciplinary records. – Rights transfer to the student when he or she enrolls in a post secondary institution. • Freshman Forgiveness (Repeating Courses) • Parent Access

• • “So, how are your classes going? ” Parent Access Dorm Sign In/Sign Out Housing Assignment Vaccination Status Chapel Attendance Chuck’s Information Class Schedule Current invoice • • • Past Invoices Financial Aid History Incident History Registration Information Restrictions/Holds Transcript

“So, how are your classes going? Talking about Academics • In advance, gently, let your student know that you expect to see and discuss grades at the end of the semester. • Don’t expect the same grades that your student got in high school…especially the first semester. (3. 64 HS/3. 1 First Sem. ) • Set a “formative, ” not a “summative” tone. (nonjudgemental) • Don’t take good grades for granted. • Be more concerned about patterns than incidents. • Encourage them tosure talk to their professors early • Make they take advantage of and often. services available on campus.

“So, how are your classes going? Talking about Academics • The Cove – Academic Enrichment Office – Tutoring • The Writing Center • Reading Rate & Retention Course – $100, Office of Continuing Education • CU # 1 – Supportive Campus Environment

“ Noel Levitz Student Satisfaction Inventory • National Ranking – 130, 000 students 288 Universities – Commitment to academic excellence # 1 – Career services resources # 1 – Computer labs # 1 – Counseling resources # 3 – Campus staff are caring and helpful # 4 – Academic support services # 4 – Faculty are fair and unbiased # 4 - Faculty available outside of class # 5 - Residence life staff care about me # 5

General Advice from a Dad • “When problems arise move like your feet are stuck in molasses. ” • Don’t ask them if they are homesick. • Don’t tell them that these are the best years of their lives. • “Don’t blame the university for your student’s behavior and we at the university will try to blame you for your student’s behavior. ” • Think about your parting words…maybe even put them in writing.

General Advice from a Dad Your student hasn’t quit needing you…but from now on your son or daughter will begin to need you in a different way.