Online Application Workshop 2 Application Wording How wording

Example 1 �If you look at my resume you’ll read that I’ve won a

Example 1: Red Flags �If you look at my resume you’ll read that I’ve

Example 1: Re-written �As outlined on my CV, I have been recognized locally, provincially

Lessons learned from Example 1 �Always give the full name of the award, prize,

Example 2 �I knew I liked education and decided to do my Bachelor of

Example 2: Red Flags �I knew I liked education and decided to do my

Example 2: Re-written �I furthered my passion for education by completing a Bachelor of

Lessons learned from Example 2 �Don’t use the word “like” to explain why you

Example 3 �I would take these experiences that I had working with diverse populations

Example 3: Red Flags �I would take these experiences that I had and I

Example 3: Re-written �I would draw from these experiences of working in diverse, technological

Lessons learned from Example 3 �Avoid jargon, but use words relevant to the scholarship

Group Edit: How can we improve this sentence? �One of the reasons I joined

Words/Terms � Youth � Leadership � Integrity � Commitment � Involvement � Dedication �

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Online Application Workshop 2 Application Wording

How wording can change the game

Example 1 �If you look at my resume you’ll read that I’ve won a bunch of awards. I won the SSHRC award, and my thesis was nominated for an award. What are some Red Flags?

Example 1: Red Flags �If you look at my resume you’ll read that I’ve won a bunch of awards. I won the SSHRC award, and my thesis was nominated for an award. 1. 2. 3. Use of contractions Informal language What were these awards about/for?

Example 1: Re-written �As outlined on my CV, I have been recognized locally, provincially and nationally for my research, public speaking, and leadership abilities. I am a SSHRC Joseph Armand Bombardier Master’s Scholarship recipient, and was nominated for a Faculty of Graduate and Postdoctoral Studies Award at the University of Ottawa.

Lessons learned from Example 1 �Always give the full name of the award, prize, or recognition �Avoid informal words and contractions �i. e. you’ll, I’ve, bunch �Always indicate what the award was for �Take every opportunity to highlight your skills and abilities �i. e. leadership, public speaking, etc.

Example 2 �I knew I liked education and decided to do my Bachelor of Education in 2012. While doing this degree, I volunteered as a basketball and volleyball coach at the schools where I was doing my practicum placements. These experiences made me want to do my master’s. What are some Red Flags?

Example 2: Red Flags �I knew I liked education and decided to do my Bachelor of Education in 2012. While doing this degree, I volunteered as a basketball and volleyball coach at the schools where I was doing my practicum placements. These experiences made me want to do my master’s. 1. 2. Use of the word “liked” Why else did you decide to pursue education?

Example 2: Re-written �I furthered my passion for education by completing a Bachelor of Education in 2012. Throughout the completion of this degree, I volunteered as a basketball and volleyball coach at each of the two schools where I completed practicum placements. It was throughout this degree, and throughout my two very influential internships, where I was inspired to continue my education at the graduate level.

Lessons learned from Example 2 �Don’t use the word “like” to explain why you do something. Try to find alternative words and reasons. �Don’t simply say that you “decided” to do something. Describe what it is that helped you to make this decision. �Find synonyms for words used multiple times �Be concise. �Use words to augment your sentences. �i. e. inspire, passion, influential

Example 3 �I would take these experiences that I had working with diverse populations and I would make sure that I include everyone and cater my teaching to them. What are some Red Flags?

Example 3: Red Flags �I would take these experiences that I had and I would make sure that I include everyone and make sure my teaching helps them. 1. 2. 3. 4. What were these experiences? Multiple use of the words “make sure” No use of educational words. Helps them how?

Example 3: Re-written �I would draw from these experiences of working in diverse, technological classrooms to create inclusive and differentiated learning environments for students.

Lessons learned from Example 3 �Avoid jargon, but use words relevant to the scholarship application to show your knowledge �i. e. environmental application, athletics, business, science, etc.

Group Edit: How can we improve this sentence? �One of the reasons I joined the basketball team is because I like basketball and wanted to play on a team.

Words/Terms � Youth � Leadership � Integrity � Commitment � Involvement � Dedication � Passion � Drive/driven � Community � Mentor leadership Engagement � Civic Engagement � Empowerment � Initiative � Impact � Influence/influential � Team player � Inspire/inspiration � Inclusive Others?

What do I do now? � 1. Sign up for both yconic & Scholarships Canada � 2. Research 1 -3 scholarship or bursary applications that fit your interests � 3. Write at least one draft answer for an application question � 4. Bring your draft answer (in paper format) to our next workshop. �Fill out email form �Complete exit card