Navigating Lifes Big Changes Life As a Journey
Navigating Life’s Big Changes
Life As a Journey of Transformation 3 Big Changes, 3 Big Struggles • Stage 1: Adolescence • The Struggle to Get Our Lives Together: Forming Identity o o o • Stage 2: Adulthood • The Struggle to Give Our Lives Away: Forming Family • Stage 3: Elderhood • The Struggle to Give Deaths Away: Leaving Legacy ~ Adapted from Sacred Fire, Ronald Rolheiser
A Journey of Transformation Distinguishing Between the Path & the Person Defining the Terms: Change & Transition • Change: The Changing World Outside • Situational—roles, relationships, location, vocation, etc. • Transition: The Transforming World Inside • Personal—spiritual condition, patterns of thought, emotional reactions/responses
Transition: An Opportunity for Transformation An Ending A New Beginning New Orientation New Patterns Old Orientation Established Patterns Liminality (Threshold) DISORIENTATION OPPORTUNITY: No Patterns Establishing Patterns
The Adolescent Journey Stage 3: The Endless Search for A Name The Adolescent Journey begins with awakening desires and a gnawing sense of incompleteness that cannot be satisfied at home.
The Adolescent Journey The Struggle to Get Our Lives Together • CLASS 1: Early Adolescence: The Aimless Search for an Aim • CLASS 2: Early-Late Adolescence: Battle Wounds Along the Way • CLASS 3: Late Adolescence: The Endless Search for a Name
The Adolescent Journey CLASS 3: Late Adolescence: The Endless Search for a Name • 1. False Self / True Self: Old Self / New Self • 2. The Necessary Struggle: With Man & God For God & Man • 3. The Need for Mentors: No One Can Name Himself / Herself • 4. Two Different Paths, Five Same Lessons: The Male & Female Paths of Initiation / Transformation • 5. The Five Essential Life Lessons: De-Centering & Re-Centering Growing Up Without Growing Old
The Endless Search for A Name False Self / True Self: Old Self / New Self “Put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt with deceitful desires, and be renewed in the spirit of your minds. And put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness…Having put away falsehood, speak the truth” (Eph. 4: 17 -25).
The Endless Search for A Name False Self / True Self: Old Self / New Self FALSE SELF • Who we think we are • A mental self-image & social agreement: an autobiographical fiction • (Which most people spend their lives living up to or down to) • Reputation ^^^ • The fictional ‘self’ we spend our lives building, projecting, protecting • Inherently fragile and needy, since depends on a static self-image and social role in a life full of changes
The Endless Search for A Name False Self / True Self: Old Self / New Self TRUE SELF: Sacred Wounds, Sacred Name • A Process of De-Centering & Re-Centering “Our wounds are the only things humbling enough to break our attachment to our false self and strong enough to make us yearn for our true self. ” ~ Richard Rohr
The Endless Search for A Name False Self / True Self: Old Self / New Self TRUE SELF: Sacred Wounds, Sacred Name • A Process of De-Centering & Re-Centering • Finding the Way thru Our Wounds, Finding Our True Self in Christ “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Mt. 16: 25).
Stage 3: The Endless Search for A Name The Necessary Struggle: With Man & God For God & Man GENESIS 32 26 Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken. ” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me. ” 27 And he said to him, “What is your name? ” And he said, “Jacob. ” 28 Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed. ” 29 Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name. ” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name? ” And there he blessed him. 30 So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered. ”
Stage 3: The Endless Search for A Name The Necessary Struggle: With Man & God For God & Man GENESIS 33 8 Esau said, “What do you mean by all this company that I met? ” Jacob answered, “To find favor in the sight of my lord. ” 9 But Esau said, “I have enough, my brother; keep what you have for yourself. ” 10 Jacob said, “No, please, if I have found favor in your sight, then accept my present from my hand. For I have seen your face, which is like seeing the face of God, and you have accepted me. 11 Please accept my blessing that is brought to you, because God has dealt graciously with me, and because I have enough. ” Thus he urged him, and he took it.
Stage 3: The Endless Search for A Name The Necessary Struggle: With Man & God For God & Man What we choose to fight is so tiny! What fights with us is so great. If only we would let ourselves be dominated as things do by some immense storm, we would become strong too, and not need names. When we win it's with small things, and the triumph itself makes us small. ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
Stage 3: The Endless Search for A Name The Need for Mentors: No One Can Name Himself / Herself “Mass society, with its demand for work without responsibility, creates a gigantic army of rival siblings. ” ~ Alexander Mitscherlich
Stage 3: The Endless Search for A Name The Need for Mentors: No One Can Name Himself / Herself
Stage 3: The Endless Search for A Name The Need for Mentors: No One Can Name Himself / Herself “Many bosses, ministers, coaches and teachers tell a young man how to get out of his problems and to be “normal” again. A true mentor or initiator guides a young man into his problems and through them. ” ~ Richard Rohr
Two Different Paths, Five Same Lessons The Male & Female Paths of Initiation / Transformation
k. k. (L or d sw yo ur (L 1) : 5 22 up ss ro c ur yo e up Ta k ke Ta 22 : 3 6) The Male Path of Initiation Discovering Your Power, Discovering Your Powerlessness
The Female Path of Initiation Discovering Your Powerlessness, Discovering Your Power Ta ke up 2 6) 3 : yo ur cr os s rd (L k . 2 2: 51 ) e k Ta up ur o y o w s ( 2. Lk
The Five Essential Life Lessons Growing Up Without Growing Old • The 5 Lessons of Adulthood: De-Centering & Re-Centering • People who do not learn & embrace these lessons will always grow old but never grow up. • • • 1. Life is hard. 2. You are not that important. 3. Your life is not about you. 4. You are not in control. 5. You are going to die. ~ See Richard Rohr, Adam’s Return: The Five Promises of Male Initiation
The Five Essential Life Lessons: De-Centering & Re-Centering Growing Up Without Growing Old • 1. LIFE IS HARD. • All spirituality is about what we do with our pain. • “If we do not transform our pain, we will transmit it in some form. ” • 1. Become inflexible, blaming, and petty as we grow older • 2. We will need to identify enemies in order to expel our inner negativity • 3. We will play the victim in some form as a means of false power • 4. We will spend much of life seeking security and/or status as a cover-up for lack of a substantial sense of self • 5. We will pass on our deadness to our family, children, and friends
The Five Essential Life Lessons: De-Centering & Re-Centering Growing Up Without Growing Old • 2. YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT. A Cure for Self-Importance “You boldly settle all the important questions. But tell me, my dear boy, isn’t it because you are young and the questions of the world have not hurt you yet? ” ~ Anton Chekhov, The Cherry Orchard
The Five Essential Life Lessons: De-Centering & Re-Centering Growing Up Without Growing Old • 3. YOUR LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses life for my sake will find it” (Mt. 16: 25). and his “The important religious question is not that of the rich, young man, ‘What must I do to inherit eternal life? ’ “The essential religious question is the one God, in effect, asks Adam, ‘Who are you? And Whose are you? ’ “We like the first question because we think there is something we can do about it, and it gives us control. We fear the second question because only God can answer it, and perhaps his answer seems too good to be true. ” ~ Karl Barth
The Five Essential Life Lessons: De-Centering & Re-Centering Growing Up Without Growing Old • 4. YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL.
The Five Essential Life Lessons: De-Centering & Re-Centering Growing Up Without Growing Old • 5. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. “The surprise of surprises is that although everybody who has ever lived in this world has died, for some reason, we think we won’t. ” - Indian Aphorism The best important things cannot be talked about. The second best things are almost always misunderstood. So we spend our lives talking about the third best things. - Heinrich Zimmer
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