My relationship with my exboyfriend Robert reminds me

My relationship with my ex-boyfriend, Robert, reminds me of the relationships that Terrans and Tlics have in Octavia Butler’s Bloodchild.

One time I was alone downtown walking to a new pizza place to meet up with Robert with vague directions.

I called him, but I knew he had been surfing, so I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t answer.

I started freaking out because I was in a relatively unfamiliar and bad part of town. Luckily, my friend called me and asked if I wanted to come over to her house and wait for Robert there.

In the end, he called me back, picked me up and we got our pizza. In Bloodchild, Bram Lomas gets away from his Tlic for some reason, even though he needs T’Khotgif Teh to survive. T’Gatoi came to his immediate rescue so he would last until his own Tlic could help him.

I remember sitting in my room about a week after Robert and I broke up listening to one of my favorite records, Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd.

Only then did it occur to me how much I was influenced and shaped by him. My music, my taste in TV shows, style of dress, and even the types of art that I enjoy… all heavily influenced by who I spent the most time with; Robert. Gan grew to be proud of being ”chosen” to be a host. His mother constantly reminded him of how grateful he should be that T’Gotai takes care of them as well as she does. His belief and viewpoint on the entire relationship between the Terrans and Tlics was both because his mother and T’Gotai engrained that viewpoint into him.

In some way or another, I “lived” on Planet Robert, the people I hung out with weren’t the friends I had made myself, they were his. I rarely hung out with my own, and when I did, he made me feel bad for not spending my time with him. Terrans live on The Preserve which is home to and run by the Tlics, Terrans are made to feel inferior to the Tlics through degrading and dehumanizing laws and practices.

In many ways, looking back on my relationship, I have to admit the similarities between it and Bloodchild, especially between the changes in Gan’s perspective at the end. Gan witnesses something that he ”doesn’t want to see”. He sees firsthand how horrifying being a host truly is. In the end he still decides to be a host, even if it is only because he doesn’t want his little sister to have to endure what he just witnessed. In my experience, I look back on my relationship with Robert and I realize it wasn’t the healthiest relationship. We fed off of each other, and yes, we did make each other happy, but I wonder how much of it was forced. However, in hindsight, I still don’t think I would’ve done anything differently. The years we were together were some of the best years and some of my fondest memories are with him.

I believe Gan and I went through a similar thought process while making decisions, which for me is an interesting conclusion to come to seeing as I would normally never compare my life to a science-fiction piece such as Bloodchild. In Octavia Butler’s Bloodchild, Gan wound up not changing his mind about becoming a host, despite the horrors that he was exposed to. He realized that what he was about to endure was probably not in his best interest, but in his younger sisters’. This is unique, as most people would have shied away from the reality that is hosting the Tlic larvae. Even after all that happened, Gan still found his initial belief to be his true belief and he did what he thought was right.