Module 7 Developing Condom use and Negotiation Skills

Module 7 Developing Condom use and Negotiation Skills

Goals for this lesson: • Increase our understanding of perceived barriers to consistent condom use • Increase our understanding of communication and negotiation skills that would allow sexual partners to negotiate consistent condom use. • How to resist situations that would place partners at risk for HIV/STI’s and unplanned pregnancies.

Importance of Consistent Condom Use • Many teens and adults are not aware that certain steps and precautions should be taken when using a condom. • We will demonstrate the value of using condoms correctly by engaging in an educational activity called the “Condom Line-Up” • First, a video: https: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=oa. Ld. NEr. JFk&t=9 s

Condom line-up • One or Two groups will each be given a number from 1 to 13. This number will represent a random step from the actual Condom Line-Up. • Once the numbers are assigned, you will have a chance to view the step associated to your given number. • All groups will have 5 minutes inside of their own breakout room to work together and place each step in the proper order. • A spokesperson will be chosen by each of the groups who will read out the correct number sequence that places each step in the proper order.

Is this really a Condom Line Up? Take a look at the step assigned to your number and remember it! 13 Sexual Arousal (hug, cuddle, kiss, massage) 7 Carefully remove condom from package 12 Erection 2 Squeeze out any air from tip of condom and leave room for ejaculation 9 Loss of erection 1 Get condom and check expiration date 4 Roll condom on 5 Orgasm (ejaculation) 11 Remove and discard condom 8 Relaxation 10 Dab water-based lubricant on penis or inside condom 6 Intercourse 3 Hold onto rim of the condom and withdraw the penis

Let's check Your condom Line up 1. Get condoms & check expiration date 2. Sexual arousal (hug, cuddle, kiss, massage) 3. Erection 4. Carefully remove condom from package 5. Dab water-based lubricant on penis or inside condom 6. Squeeze out any air from tip of condom and leave room for ejaculation 7. Roll condom on 8. Intercourse 9. Orgasm (ejaculation ) 10. Hold onto rim of condom and withdraw the penis 11. Remove and discard condom 12. Loss of erection 13. Relaxation We just demonstrated the importance of following the correct steps for condom use. Let’s talk about how to make condom use fun and pleasurable with a simple brainstorm.

How to Make Condoms Fun and Pleasurable • People often say that sex doesn’t feel as good when you use a condom. • Can we brainstorm some methods that sexual partners can utilize to make the experience of using a condom more pleasurable?

Virtual Whiteboard • Use whiteboard feature on selected presentation platform

Suggestions for making condom use fun & pleasurable • Make putting a condom on apart of foreplay. • Act sexy/sensual while putting on the condom. • Hide a condom on your body and ask your partner to find it. • Use extra lubrication inside and outside of the condom. • Experiment with different colors, types and textures. • Have a sense of humor and laugh away the tension!

Additional ways to make condom use easy without interrupting SEX • Talk about using condoms before sex. • Always have condoms on you. • Learn to put the condom on in advance, so you can apply it quickly. • Keep condoms nearby to eliminate searching or fumbling. Ask Yourself… Do you feel prepared to use a condom if you have sex? Do you feel prepared to respond to excuses about not wanting to use a condom?

“Like Minds Have More Fun!” Once you and your partner have agreed to using condoms consistently, do something positive and fun! • Go to the Clinic or Pharmacy together. • Get’s lots of different brands and try a new one for each sexual experience. • Imagining the fun you can have experimenting with new condoms can be a turn on!

Barriers to condom use/ pros and cons • There are many reasons why people do or do not use condoms. Some we can understand, and others not so much. • Let’s explore all the different reasons by brainstorming two separate lists. • One will be for reasons why people should use condoms (Pro’s) and the other will be for reasons why some people don’t. (Con’s. )

Virtual Whiteboard • Pro’s • Use whiteboard feature on selected presentation platform • Con’s • Use whiteboard feature on selected presentation platform

Suggestions for BARRIERS TO CONDOM USE PROS AND CONS Pro’s Con’s • Condoms can help prevent pregnancy • Think condoms ruin the mood and pleasure • Condoms can help prevent STD's, including HIV • Don’t knew where to get free condoms • Condoms make you feel good about yourself • You know you are safer when you use condoms • Using another form of birth control • Embarrassed to bring up the subject • Parents might find them • Embarrassed to go to the store to buy them • Want to show they trust a partner

What to say if my partner says… Responding to excuses We already now that consistent condom use is the best way to prevent unplanned pregnancy and transmission of HIV/STI’s. • Let’s Explore and Examine all the different types of excuses that sexual partners give to avoid using condoms.

WHAT TO SAY IF MY PARTNER SAYS … RESPONDING TO EXCUSES The following slides will display common excuses. I will read out a common excuse often used by those who try to avoid condom use. You will respond by stating a good reason why condoms should still be used, relevant to that specific situation. • NOTE: Try to be informative as opposed to confrontational unless you have no other choice.

"Condoms kill the mood for sex" Only if you let it. With a little imagination, it can enhance sexual feeling and make your erection last longer too! OR Let me show you that it doesn’t have to kill the mood… “We never used condoms before… why now? Yes, I’m aware but that was a mistake because I didn’t know better. Now that I do, I want us to stay protected because I really care about our health and hope you do too. “Condoms don’t feel as good as the real thing. . . they aren't natural” “Let's just do it once without a condom. I promise to be careful” Today's thin latex condoms feel quite natural. Placing a drop of lubricant inside the tip of the condom can also create added sensation. Once is all it takes to create a problem such as an unplanned pregnancy or passing on an STI. “Really? Did you cheat on me and catch something? No, and I’m disappointed that you would think that. I really care about our relationship and wont allow an unplanned pregnancy or life altering STI affect that. I hope you feel the same way. “People who use condoms don't trust each other” It's not a matter of trust… it’s about caring for your sexual health and that of your partner too. In fact, both of us share the responsibility for having and using condoms. Trust has nothing to do with that.

We don't need to use condoms if you’re on the pill! The pill doesn't help protect you from STI’s or HIV but condoms are the only protective method that can. Condoms are for people with diseases… Do I look sick to you? Unfortunately, you can't tell by looking at people if they have an STD. A person can look and feel healthy—and still be possibly infected. I love you. How can you think I would give you an infection? You wouldn't do it intentionally. Most people don’t show common symptoms and aren’t even aware that they’re infected with an STI. Hey, I'm disease free. I haven’t had sex with anyone in months. As far as I know. I could be free of diseases too but we can never be sure unless we get tested. OR Either of us could have been exposed to an infection from a previous relationship and never know if we don’t show symptoms. I’m sorry, I don’t have a condom on me Let’s kiss and cuddle without having intercourse OR Let's go to the clinic and get some condoms for the next time we try having sex. I cant… I'm allergic to latex. I’m so glad you told me. Let’s use a polyurethane or polyisoprene condom. They’re made for people who have latex allergies.

Talking about safer sex can be awkward sometimes. • Honest communication prevents misunderstandings. • It’s important that you talk with your sexual partner about using condoms during every sexual encounter. • However, we need to be honest with ourselves first. • Do you know how to affirmatively say "NO" when someone is pressuring you to have sex without using a condom?

Introduction to S. W. A. T. We are going to work on a strategy for talking to your sexual partner about using condoms consistently without blaming, arguing, or getting into a fight. This strategy is called the S. W. A. T. technique.

The S. W. A. T. technique • Say No : Make sure you are saying NO. • Why : Explain to your partner why you are saying no. • Action: Politely move away, take some alone space to think, stop the action that is making you feel uncomfortable • Talk it out: Share what you have to say and then listen to how they feel. Have open dialogue with your partner and work on an agreement. .

How to say “NO” effectively • Use and repeat the word “no” often. • Send a strong non- verbal “no” with body language and gestures to emphasize the point. • Project a strong, serious tone of voice. • Look directly at the person’s face and eyes • Stand straight and tall. • Use a serious facial expression. • Don’t send mixed signals.

Negotiation and Refusal Skills Examples of a strong “NO” • No! I’m not ready to have sex. • No! I won't have sex without a condom. • No! I don’t want to touch you there! • No! Stop touching me like that! • No! Stop trying to unbutton my pants! • No! I’m not going to have sex with you! • No! I really mean "NO”!

Here’s an example of what it looks like when a person doesn’t know how to negotiate or say no effectively. • Insert Video Link here

Scripted Role Plays: We are going to give you an opportunity to practice the skills we just reviewed by engaging in a scripted role play. We will ask 4 participants to choose a character and read/act out each version. Listen closely to the scripts. Afterwards, we will post a role play checklist and read thru a series of questions. These questions will inform us if the couple in the role play was effectively expressing a desire to say no or to only engage in sex safely.

Role Play Checklist: Your Valentines Day Gift Keep these questions in mind as we listen to the role play… • Did person 2 say no? • Did the person refuse to engage in unsafe behavior? • Did the person’s body language say no? • Did the person explain why? • Did the person suggest alternatives? • Did the person talk it out and use language that protect the relationship ? • Did the person seem prepared to leave a potentially unsafe situation?

Your Valentines Day Gift Here’s a quick overview of the situation… Its Valentine’s day. You and your partner are going out to a movie and dinner. You know that at some point, having sex will be discussed. (PERSON 1) is willing to use condoms but your partner (PERSON 2) is not ready for any of it. You decide to tell your partner that you want to wait to have sex.

Role Play 1 Actors ready, aaaaand ACTION! Person 1 - Happy Valentines Day! Here’s a little something I bought for you, though I was hoping that our gifts to each other would be more than something from a store. Person 2 - Do you mean you were hoping to have sex? Person 1 - Yes…but don’t worry, I have condoms. Person 2 - Oh! You’re moving so fast. . Person 1 - We have been dating for a while and I love you. I’m ready… Person 2 - Well, I love you too but I’m just not sure… Person 1 - Don’t worry, were using protection. What better gift is there than to share our love? Person 2 - I just have some doubts… I’m scared. Person 1 - You are always going to be scared but the important thing is that we love each other. Person 2 - (Reluctantly) I guess…. .

Role play 1 Checklist Please feel free to elaborate… • • • • Did person 2 say no? NO Did the person refuse to engage in unsafe behavior? The person didn’t repeat the objection. Did the person’s body language say no? The person did not make eye contact and used a soft toned voice Did the person explain why? The person did not give clear reasons and expressed doubt in their response. Did the person suggest alternatives? The person failed to offer any alternative options or actions. Did the person talk it out and use language that protect the relationship ? The person did not talk it over and express their feelings Did the person seem prepared to leave a potentially unsafe situation? NO. The person reluctantly gave in.

Your Valentines Day Gift Here’s a quick overview of the situation… Its Valentine’s day. You and your partner are going out to a movie and dinner. You know that at some point, having sex will be discussed. (PERSON 1) is willing to use condoms but your partner (PERSON 2) is not ready for any of it. You decide to tell your partner that you want to wait to have sex.

Role Play 2 Actors ready, aaaaand ACTION! Person 1 - Happy Valentines Day! Here’s a little something I bought for you, though I was hoping that our gifts to each other would be more than something from a store. Person 2 - Do you mean you were hoping to have sex? Person 1 - Yes…but don’t worry, I have condoms. Person 2 - No… You’re moving so fast. . Person 1 - No, I’m not. We’ve been dating for a while and I love you. I’m ready… Person 2 - Well I’m not. I love you too but I’m not ready to have sex with you. I know that I want to be with you but I also need you to understand be patient. I only want to have sex when I’m ready and not scared. So the answer is no. Person 1 - Well I don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do. It’s important that you’re sure about this so I guess I’ll wait until you’re ready. Person 2 - Thanks for understanding! I love you and I’m really glad that you’re willing to wait.

Role play 2 checklist Please feel free to elaborate… • • • • Did person 2 say no? Yes Did the person refuse to engage in unsafe behavior? Yes Did the person’s body language say no? Yes Did the person explain why? Yes. Did the person suggest alternatives? Yes , they went to the movies Did the person talk it out and use language that protect the relationship ? Yes. Person 2 explained that they love their partner but they are not ready. Did the person seem prepared to leave a potentially unsafe situation? Probably but it wasn’t necessary

Here’s a great example of what it looks like when a person knows how to negotiate and say no effectively • Video Link Here

Good job everyone! • You did great with the role plays and we trust that you have learned the value of effective negotiation and refusal skills. • Consistent condom use can seem awkward at first, but once it becomes a part of your healthy decision-making process, it can be fun while keeping you and your partner safe!