Module 5 Chapter 5 Managing Anger and Resolving

Module 5/ Chapter 5 Managing Anger and Resolving Conflicts “Balancing your anger balances your life”

CHAPTER 5 OUTLINE n What is Anger? n Managing the Anger Within n Anger and Stress: The Connection n Dealing with an Angry Person n Transactional analysis n The time-out procedure n The “upset” philosophy n Active listening n Summary Points

Basic Terms n Anger: A normal emotion one normally encounters when presented with an obstacle or difficulty in accomplishing a desired goal in a desired way in a desired time frame. n Conflict: A situation involving anger between two or more people.

What Anger is… n n n n An emotional response A Warning signal A way to new learning A normal feeling Healthy within limits A protective mechanism Useful within limits

What Anger is Not … n n n n Not a problem solving tool Not an outlet for revenge Not projection Not being violent Not a way of control Not healthy if it exceeds limits Not useful if inappropriate

Managing The Anger Within: Unhealthy Ways Denying: I don’t have this problem Hiding: Not showing overt feelings Repressing: Using it a later time Suppressing: It is not a norm to be angry Free expression: Venting out Creative aggression (constructive anger): Expression in a controlled and dignified manner with the hope that others will listen n Unconditional Forgiveness: Often impractical and may result in harm in other forms n n n

Managing The Anger Within: Best Healthy Way n According to Rational Emotive Therapy the BEST Healthy Way is by: n Showing annoyance and irritation

Managing Anger: The Eastern Way n Introspection: A self-analysis process exploring the reasons and motivations behind one’s own behaviors. n Apologizing & Determining to Rectify our contribution n Understanding that not everything can be changed, altered or fixed n Letting Go

Dealing with an Angry Person: Transactional Analysis n An interpersonal analysis technique based on assumption of three ego states, parent, adult, and child within each individual. n Best way to deal with an angry person is to give a “caring parent” response followed by a “rational adult” response.

Dealing with an Angry Person: Time Out … 1 Three steps: STOP, THINK, ACT A. STOP (NEED FOR TIME OUT) n Indicate that you are feeling angry n Discuss the need for time out and/or time away from the situation n Leave the situation

Dealing with an Angry Person: Time Out … 2 n B. THINK (TAKE TIME TO ASSESS THE SITUATION) n Work at calming down the body n CALMING REMINDERS: Avoid taking anger personally n Maintain a sense of self worth n Maintain perspective n Avoid feeding fears n Decide to be in control n Avoid being judgmental n Maintain a problem solving attitude n Become receptive to views of others n

Dealing with an Angry Person: Time Out … 3 n C. ACT (COMING BACK AFTER TAKING TIME OUT) n Be willing to admit to self and others that you might have been a contributing factor n Agree to work together to continue discussing problems n n Empathic listening: “What you were saying was. . . ” Fogging: “Let me think about that. . . ” Admitting mistake: “You were right, it was wrong for me to. . . ” Negative inquiry: “Are there other things that I do to hurt you. . . ”

Dealing with an Angry Person: “Upset” Philosophy TRIGGERING SITUATION SOLUTION DEPENDENCY Person cannot find alternatives EXPLORE CHOICES AUTHORITY: Position, expertise or wealth DISCUSS or IGNORE UNCLEAR LIMITS ASKING SECIFIC DIRECTIONS COMPLEXITY BREAKING DOWN TASK IN SMALLER UNITS PRIOR UNRESOLVED CONFLICT FORGIVE & FORGET COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS LISTEN & DISCUSS CONFLICT OF INTEREST DISCUSS or IGNORE

Dealing with an Angry Person: Active Listening n n n n Diagnostic tool Disarming device Helps in clarification Helps in rationalizing Develops clear thinking Improves communication Preserves dignity

Conflict Resolution Modes n Competition: Quick decisions n Collaboration: Integrating solutions n Avoidance: Trivial issues n Accommodation: Show being reasonable when you are wrong n Compromise: When goals are important but not worth the effort to cause any disruption

Thoughts for Reflection n Read and reflect with a partner: n 5. 1 What anger is n 5. 2 What anger is not n 5. 3 Points to Ponder n 5. 4 Resolving conflicts by managing anger n 5. 5 Five conflict handling orientations n 5. 6 Calming reminders n 5. 7 The value of “I” messages

Skill Building Activities n Complete Worksheet 5. 1: Self-Assessment of Anger n Complete Worksheet 5. 2: Managing Your Anger n Complete Worksheet 5. 3: Learning Active Listening n Complete Worksheet 5. 4: Transforming Anger into Behavior Change Goals