Mentoring in the Teaching Church Context Strengthening Mentoring

Mentoring in the Teaching Church Context Strengthening Mentoring Relationships Cornelis G. Kors

Mentoring: Only a fad? It seems that everyone is all about mentoring… the business world, industry, education, and the church. Yet, genuine and effective mentoring remains as elusive as it has ever been!

QUESTION Is there value in developing a mentoring program in the Teaching Church?

Or is it only about supervision? The answer is “Yes. ” There is great value in developing a mentoring program for those participating in the Teaching Church – both as interns and ministers leading the ministry. The best example is Jesus and the disciples – relationships developed in the midst of a “mission. ”

The two broad concerns of mentoring And David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them. Psalm 78. 72

A quote from Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen: How do we know that we are not deluding ourselves, that we are not selecting those words that best fit our passions, that we are not just listening to the voice of our own imagination? . . . Who can determine if [our] feelings and insights are leading [us] in the right direction?

Nouwen Cont’d Our God is greater than our own heart and mind, and too easily we are tempted to make our heart’s desires and our mind’s speculations into the will of God. Therefore, we need a guide, a director, a counselor who helps us to distinguish between the voice of God and all other voices coming from our own confusion or from dark powers far beyond our control.

Nouwen Cont’d We need someone who encourages us when we are tempted to give it all up, to forget it all, to just walk away in despair. We need someone who discourages us when we move too rashly in unclear directions or hurry proudly to a nebulous goal. We need someone who can suggest to us when to read and when to be silent, which words to reflect upon and what to do when silence creates much fear and little peace.

QUESTION • What is the most fundamental component of mentoring? …in general, and in the Teaching Church environment?

Answer: Trust

It all begins with trust… A mentoring relationship needs to begin with time spent together, telling each other’s stories, and getting acquainted. There are different ways to get to know each other, become vulnerable with one another, and start “trusting. ”

The Mentor must be Trustworthy • In other words… worthy of trust. • To be worthy of trust the mentor needs to earn the respect of the mentee and be a person of “integrity” in the relationship.

in·teg·rity • The quality or state of being complete; unbroken condition; wholeness; entirety • The quality or state of being unimpaired; perfect condition; soundness • The quality or state of being of sound moral principle; uprightness, honesty, and sincerity.

The Role of the Mentor The mentor must set the tone by being vulnerable and risk losing face with the mentee. The mentor must create an environment that does not punish vulnerability.

The Positive Approach: 1. They trust one another. 2. They engage in unfiltered conflict around ideas. 3. They commit to decisions and plans of action. 4. They hold one another accountable for delivering against those plans. 5. They focus on the achievement of collective results.

Mentors needs to: • Know themselves… • Be able to continually monitor their reactions and guard against transference… • Be aware of personal values and continue to share them with the other person.

Initial Conversations… • Mild Personal Disclosure Share about family: Parents Siblings Hometown. Childhood / adolescent interests. Biggest challenge growing up. First job. Best job. Worst job. First romantic relationship.

Mentor – Mentee Conversations • Compare what might be in common. • Compare where you are different. • Tell most crucial events in the past: joys and traumas. • Talk over personality traits and discoveries (Myers-Briggs, Strength Finders or Di. SC)

Myers-Briggs Cor is identified as an ‘INFJ, ’ or ‘Author’ – an individual who prefers to use their special abilities wherever possible. An INFJ succeeds through perseverance, originality, and a desire to do whatever is needed or wanted. These individuals will tend to put their best efforts into their work. They are quietly forceful, conscientious, and concerned for others. They are often respected for the principles that they will tend to hold to firmly. INFJs tend to be honored and followed for their clear convictions and how they will tend to serve the common good.

Di. SC • This individual is identified as a "C", or 'Compliance (to their standards)' type. This type of person places emphasis on working with existing circumstances to promote quality in products or service. A high "C" tends to prefer that things are done the right way-- according to the book or the established or accepted standards or expectations. These individuals prefer to work in circumstances with which they are familiar and like to comply with authority. • The 'C' tendencies in work behaviour is most positive in how it expresses itself in accuracy and conscientiousness. The most negative is the tendency to be timid and the search for "rightness. " An individual who is a "C" fears personal criticism the most and if change is to occur, this type of individual requires much explanation and time. To be more effective this type of person needs to develop tolerance for conflict.

The best way to facilitate Functional Mentoring… • Is to develop a LEARNING COVENANT… This allows the mentor and mentoree to determine the parameters of the relationship and where it is going…

The task of writing a covenant From Experiencing Ministry Supervision by William T. Pyle and Mary Alice Seals, Editors 1. Deciding where you anticipate going intellectually, experientially, and in ministry for a defined period of time. 2. Developing action plans to move toward determined destinations. 3. Outlining steps to insure that the destinations are reached.

Question: Is it possible to be both an evaluating supervisor and a mentor at the same time?

It is best not to! • No, because it makes things more complex and doing both results in potential conflict of interests. Limiting the role to mentoring is the ideal… When the mentor does not have to evaluate and judge competence and performance the objectives of mentoring are more likely to be met…

But, often they need to be combined… • Logistically it is not always possible to have enough people to function in separate roles. In such cases the mentor / supervisor needs to be intentional about keeping the roles separate, clearly identifying when the mentor hat is being worn and when the supervisor hat is on.

Mentoring & Supervising • The two roles can be combined when the parties involved agree to invest in the relationship and develop trust between the two…

When supervision and mentoring are combined… • The principles of trust, accountability and results become crucial. • Separate sessions should be scheduled for evaluations for the seminary. • A committee of church leaders should be given the main responsibility for evaluation and assessing performance.

Question: Is mentoring spiritual direction? • It can include that dimension, but usually it is not…

• Mentoring is conducive to Spiritual Formation; but if Spiritual Formation is the sole purpose, “Spiritual Direction” is better.

• In most internships, mentoring will have distinct goals and objectives; different from spiritual direction. A simple distinction would be that 1) Mentoring is all about the person to person relationship in developing the mentoree for ministry; whereas 2) Spiritual Direction is all about the person to God / God to person relationship – usually nonmeasurable.

Mentoring = Ministerial Formation In the Teaching Church context mentoring is best suited for ministerial formation. A misunderstanding among some is that mentoring is more about spiritual formation. It is helpful to remain focused on “ministry. ”

• That does not mean that mentoring cannot have spiritual formation results as a byproduct because there often is such a result in mentoring. An example would be the time spent in prayer – that certainly is formational and a priority for ministry. But, it is best to keep the focus on measurable results and behaviors.

Spiritual formation is not measured performance with real-time feedback from another person – it is more the journey of two people deepening their relationship with God, not necessarily the other individual. If mentoring and spiritual direction are objectives for the same relationship, there is a good chance that individuals will pursue to “work” their way into a closer relationship with God. When they encounter setbacks and failures in monitoring their progress, there can be enormous guilt and feelings of inadequacy that are difficult to reconcile. The result can be a distancing from God.

It is recommended that all individuals begin with a mentoring relationship before embarking on spiritual direction. Once a level of maturity is reached by the mentoree, the relationship can move into spiritual direction. It might be best if a new teaching church mentor is assigned and that the person with whom a deep trusting relationship was developed be the one to pursue spiritual direction.

Mentoring can function as the groundwork for spiritual direction in that it brings people into more intentional relationships that are built on trust and shared values. Discipleship, which I would understand to have more of a teaching function, can also lay such groundwork as it instructs individuals to read and interpret scripture, pray, and reflect theologically as steps toward spiritual discipline.

February, 2009 Candidate Care Event, Phoenix, AZ