Master My Stories How to Stay in Dialogue

Master My Stories How to Stay in Dialogue When You’re Angry, Scared, or Hurt CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS- CHAPTER 6 ALMA RODRIGUEZ FELICIA DUENAS

Emotions DON’T Just Happen! Claim 1: Emotions do not just settle like a fog Others don’t make you mad - YOU make you mad! Claim 2: Once you’ve created your upset emotions, you: Act on them Can be acted on by them

Tell A Story https: //prezi. com/2 rxrugxuijxi/crucial- conversations-chapter-6/ Crucial Conversations - Chapter 6 Katherine January La. Chance 24, 2016

• hurt FEEL • worried ACT • silence • cheap shots

Stories are theories, we use to explain why, how, and what is happening to us SEE & HEAR TELL A STOR Y “Nothing FEEL ACT in this world is good or bad, but thinking makes it so. ” William Shakespeare

Mastering Our Stories SLOW DOWN!! Retrace Your Path

ACT • Notice your behavior • Ask: Am I in some form of silence or violence? FEEL • Get in touch with your feelings • What emotions are encouraging me to act this way? TELL STORY SEE/HEAR • Analyze your stories • What story is creating these emotions? • Get back to the facts • What evidence do I have to support this story?

Three “Clever” Stories Victim Stories- “It’s Not My Fault” Intentionally ignore the role that you have played in the problem Villain Stories- “It’s All Your Fault” We over emphasize the other persons guilt or stupidity Labeling Helpless Stories- “There’s Nothing Else I Can Do” Often stem from Villain Stories, because we turn others behavior into fixed and unchangeable traits

Tell the REST of the Story!! Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem Why would a reasonable, rationale, and decent person do what this person is doing? What do I really want for me, for others, for the relationship? What would I do right now if I wanted these results?