- Slides: 24
Marriage Preparation the Foundation of Marriage!
Objectives / Standards: The student will be able to: • Discuss the importance of defining roles prior to marriage. • Compile a list of important topics which should be discussed prior to any marriage. • Analysis and explain the reason the topics are important.
“When marrying, one should ask oneself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this man/woman into your old age?
Activity, “Marble Slide”, • What role did you play in your team? • What roles were important? • What does roles have to do with teamwork?
“Jacobsen Martial Roles Scale” Instructions: Give yourself one point each time your answer matches the response listed by the corresponding number below. Example - on question number 1, if you responded A, give yourself one point. If you responded SD, do not give yourself a point. Total your score and circle your rating at the bottom. 1. S. , A. 7. S. D. 13. S. D. , U. 2. S. A. , A. 8. S. D. 14. S. D. , U. 3. S. A. , A. 9. S. D. , D. 15. S. D. , U. 4. S. A. , U. 10. S. D. , U. 16. S. A. , A. 5. S. D. , D 11. S. D. , D. 17. S. D. , D. 6. S. D. , D. 12. S. D. , D. 18. S. D. , U. METHOD OF RATING 15 -18 = extremely equalitarian 11 -14 = equalitarian 6 -10 = traditional 1 - 5 = extremely traditional
“Equalitarian and Traditional” • Being an equalitarian • couple does not mean that the couple does everything together or at the same time. The equalitarian philosophy means that the division of labor is equal but is not necessarily traditional. For many years, roles in marriage were defined as “masculine” or “feminine”. That division of labor is what we will cal traditional. In today’s society this means that the division of labor is most often NOT equal.
Couple “O” • Susan and Mike had been married for nearly 45 years. They were proud to have been married that long. They never really talked about who did what; that was just understood. Susan did all the cooking and cleaning, unless they were in the canyon, and then Mike took over. He made a delicious stew and Dutch oven cooking had become his specialty. The children loved their dad's Dutch oven potatoes. The children had been mostly Susan's responsibility. Mike had not done much with babies except beam when he announced, "Wow, we have got us another son. Think we will name this one after my brother, Jason. " It was not until Jason Jr. turned about six that Mike's fathering really began. Now Jason Jr. could play all those games that Mike had always dreamed of playing with his son. They would play catch and wrestle on the lawn. Mike took care of the cars and all the bills. In fact, Susan had never put gas in the car or paid one bill in all those years. Mike always bought her flowers on Mother's Day and Susan always made fresh apple pie on Father's Day.
Discussion of Case Study: • How do you think this couples would rank on the Jacobson Marital Roles Scale?
Couple “ 18” • Ryan and Monica have been married seven years and have three children. Jamie is five, Kevin is three, and Amy is one and a half years-old. Monica is an accountant and Ryan is an advertising agent. At the end of a long day there is no therapy like kids to take your mind off your work. Ryan and Monica decided before they got married that they would both work. They always knew they wanted children but they were not quite prepared for the changes three little ones brought into their lives. Monica had to reserve all of her sick leave to use when Amy was born in case her short maternity leave was not enough. This meant that Ryan was usually the one to stay home when Jamie or Kevin got sick. However, he really did not mind—he enjoyed his kids and spent lots of time with them. Ryan spent most evenings giving baths to the children and straightening the house. Every other night was his night to fix dinner and he often included Jamie in the planning and preparation to give Monica more time with the two little ones. Monica often joked about how good he was at doing the laundry or changing the baby's diaper. "I sure married a wonderful wife, " she teased.
Discussion of Case Studies: • How do you think these two couples would rank on the Jacobson Marital Roles Scale? 1. Couple O Extremely Traditional 2. Couple 18 Extremely Equalitarian • Do you think these couples could have happy marriages? • Do you see any advantages or disadvantages in these two marriages?
Is the Division of Roles More Equal Today? • At the University of California, Berkley, a study found that the women in senior class had clear-cut expectations for the future. • 80% thought a career was very important • 97% expected to be marry • Most expected to interrupt their careers for a few years to have children • What they did not seem to have thought out or discussed with boyfriends was how they would divide the work at home.
What men think on this subject • 13% male seniors expected to be the one who would miss an important meeting at work for a sick child. • Only, 38% expected to share laundry work equally, while 38% expected to share cooking. • Twice as many women senior expected the man they married to share responsibilities.
Another study done by Berkeley studied 50 couples in their late 20’s and early 30’s. There finds included: • Husbands did 1/3 of the household chores, working wives did 2/3 of all the daily jobs. • Men have more control over when they make their contributions. (example, women make dinner, men change the oil; dinner needs to be made every night, where as the oil only needs to be changed every 6 months).
Discussion Questions • Do you think roles and responsibilities are divided equally in today’s marriages? (In some, yes. In most, no. ) • Do you thin a wife should be able to work if she wants to? (Yes, but should be discussed before marriage. Child care? ) • What might happen in a marriage between an extremely equalitarian female and an extremely traditional male? • What happens to family roles when a traditional wife begins to work full-time? • What might happen in a marriage where the opposite is true? • What marital roles do you see in the marriage of your family and friends? • Do you think they see their marriage in the same way you do or do they sometimes have a distorted view?
THE SETTLERS George and Lilly had come West to settle in a valley with George's brother. They had finished their cabin and the farm was coming along fine. George and Lilly woke early and began their daily routine. George chopped the wood and started the fire, then did a few chores while Lilly prepared a hearty breakfast and got the children up. After eating, George left for the farm and Lilly went out to feed the chickens and gather some eggs so she could begin the preparation of lunch. Today she would be doing the wash. She needed to get the children out to play and have lunch out of the way early, so the afternoon would be free. After lunch, George hauled in some extra wood and water then he was off to the farm again. He and his brother were building a barn for the animals. Lilly got lunch cleaned up and put the children down to nap. She got the washboard out and began the wash. Once the wash was finished and hung out to dry the children were awake and they all walked into town to get some sugar and other supplies. At supper George talked about the trouble they were having getting one wall straight and Lilly expressed concern over the price of sugar. How could they afford to get the bottling done for winter? While Lilly cleaned up supper, George secured all the animals for the night, and brought in more wood and water. Lilly read a story to the children by the light of the lantern.
-Is this a traditional or equalitarian marriage? -When does the workday begin and end for George and Lily? -What are some drawbacks to this style of marriage and family life? -When did the division of roles begin to change?
• Angela and Justin had been married for two years. They both worked full-time and owned their home. They had settled into a regular routine each night. Justin loved to cook and Angela was grateful because she was never really very good at it. Each night Justin would fix dinner while Angela started a batch of wash and then went outside to work in the yard. The out-ofdoors was her haven. Pulling weeds, watering, edging and mowing the lawn, and picking fruit from their trees were things she really enjoyed. After supper Justin cleaned up the kitchen while Angela vacuumed and straightened the house. Then they both folded laundry while watching a favorite TV show.
-Is this marriage equalitarian or traditional? -How do you think this couple decided who would do the different jobs? -How do you feel about dividing roles in this manner rather than in the traditional masculine/feminine manner? -Is there anything wrong with dividing roles this way? -Do you think Justin and Angela had to compromise and do jobs they did not like? -Do you know young couples today who have a very traditional marriage role division? -Do you think equalitarian or traditional marriages are stronger? -Which do you think will last the longer?
“Roles in a Relationship” • “What does your future mate feel about roles? • Why is it important to know before marriage?
Make a list of topic that should be discussed before marriage • “Points to be discussed before marriage”. • Include good reason why these topics should be discussed before marriage. • What problems do you see appearing if not discussed?
Assignment • Respond to the question of the discussion board.