MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT Marital Oneness What it is and

MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT Marital Oneness – What it is and how to keep it

PRAYER God, you instituted the marvelous union of marriage. When two come together in your name, we know that you have not joined them to frustrate them, but to bless them. Help us to follow your will for our lives, putting into practice the love with which you have filled us, so that we might be the blessing to our spouse that you intend. To that end, bless us this evening that our time together might be for the good of our marriages. Amen.

1. What is your view of what marriage is all about (in other words, how would you describe it to a 6 -year old who asks, “What does it mean to be married)? 2. What do you think oneness in marriage means? 1 minute 30 seconds

TIMES UP!

Genesis 2: 24, 25 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Marital Oneness = a place where trust, openness, and vulnerability can thrive

Genesis 2: 24, 25 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Oneness is not just sexual intercourse, it is… – To involve a community of _______ and interests ________ pursuits – Mutual ____________ companionship – ______ in love sharing Caring and ________

BUILD TRUST Marital oneness has a lot to do with trust. Trust is built when a person allows themselves to be vulnerable and the other person doesn’t ridicule, dismiss, or make light of that vulnerability, but instead acknowledges that vulnerability and makes it their own. Where does this vulnerability take place? When couples are together! When they are connected! When there is a focus on what you can be doing for your spouse; not on what your spouse should be doing for you! After all, if you are looking for faults in your spouse - you will find them. But it is also true that if you are looking for ways to show fondness to your spouse - you will find them!! 5 minutes

TIMES UP!

Ephesians 5: 31, 32 - “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. ” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. Marital Oneness = not the loss of a person’s identity,

Ephesians 5: 31, 32 - “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. ” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. US ME YOU

Ephesians 5: 31, 32 - “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. ” 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. Marital Oneness = not the loss of a person’s identity, but God’s design that two come together to form a new oneness that is unique

Barriers to Oneness Genesis 3: 7 - Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Barrier #1 Self-protection and the fear of rejection ___

Barriers to Oneness Ecclesiastes 4: 8 -12 - There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling, ” he asked, “and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment? ” This too is meaningless —a miserable business! 9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! 11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Barrier #2 Lack of proper communication __

Barriers to Oneness Galatians 3: 13 -15 - You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14 The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself. ” 15 If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. Barrier #3 Selfishness __

A COMPARISON It has been said, “Give me a sin and I will give you selfishness as its root. ” It’s true! Think of a sin and you will find selfishness standing behind it with a sinister smile. This selfishness, as we saw above, is a barrier to martial oneness. In order to combat it, then, we need a reminder of the difference between Christ-like love and natural (selfish) human love. As a table group, fill in the blanks (a list of words are provided) to reveal the difference between natural (selfish) human love and Christ-like love. 2 minutes 30 seconds

TIMES UP!

Romance phase – “We have so much in common, and we are so in love. ” Transition phase – “Things aren’t quite what we expected. We seem to approach many important things quite differently, but he/she will probably change what I don’t like soon. Reality phase – “We still have these differences, and I’m getting a little frustrated with him/her. ” Retaliation phase – “I’ll show him/her that he/she can’t deal with me that way and expect me to continue to be loving. ” Isolation phase – “I’m just too hurt to try to continue to love and trust and be kind. We just have grown too far apart. ”

THE GREAT LOVE CHAPTER 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor. 13) 4 minutes

TIMES UP!

Colossians 3: 12 -14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. • Compassion builds trust because… it means we’re willing to bear someone else’s pain. A true friend sticks around not just during the good times but also when it will cost him/her something. Our motivation is our Savior who was wounded for our transgressions.

Colossians 3: 12 -14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. • Kindness builds trust because… it treats someone better than they deserve. Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t treat you the way you deserve?

Colossians 3: 12 -14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. • Humility builds trust because… it doesn’t put oneself above the other. It finds joy in meeting other people’s needs and making their life better.

Colossians 3: 12 -14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. • Gentleness builds trust because… in that vulnerable state you aren’t put down/shot down/what you said isn’t considered ridiculous. Gentleness removes fear and stays away from angry or careless words that are hard to forget.

Colossians 3: 12 -14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. • Patience builds trust because… you are willing to take time. You take time for the things you love. Patience builds trust because you cut others slack.

“FORGIVE AS THE LORD FORGAVE YOU” “AS GOD’S CHOSEN PEOPLE” “HOLY AND DEARLY LOVED”

Christ-like love gives us a whole new pattern to follow: • Christ-like love teaches us that the goal in marriage is not to bend my spouse to meet my expectations, but to be molded from the inside out by God to meet his expectations for me as a husband/wife. • Christ-like love teaches us to see our differences as a blessing in our marriage.

DATE NIGHT ACTIVITY DATE NIGHT DEVOTION MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT Friday, November 2 – Barriers to Marriage and Oneness (Part 1) ? TBA? – Barriers to Marriage and Oneness (Part 2) TBA – Communication: A Key to a Great Marriage TBA – Connection: Completing a Great Marriage