MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT Communication A Key to a Great

MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT Communication: A Key to a Great Marriage

PRAYER God, you instituted the marvelous union of marriage. When two come together in your name, we know that you have not joined them to frustrate them, but to bless them. Help us to follow your will for our lives, putting into practice the love with which you have filled us, so that we might be the blessing to our spouse that you intend. To that end, bless us this evening that our time together might be for the good of our marriages. Amen.

In the spaces given, individually write three things you see as being the biggest obstacles to communication within your marriage. Next – as a couple – brainstorm one way to overcome each obstacle each of you listed above. 5 minutes

TIMES UP!

Ecclesiastes 4: 8 -12 There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. “For whom am I toiling, ” he asked, “ and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment? ” This too is meaningless— a miserable business! Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

What is a friend? • • • People we relax with & count on Provides companionship One with whom tasks of life are done One who provides support, warmth, protection Intimacy – the ability to share what’s really in your heart and have it richly heard

What is a friend? • Friends talk about sports, spiritual matters, politics, goals/dreams in life, fun things they’ve done or will do, thoughts about what each is going through at this point in life.

What is a friend? • Here’s what couples often talk about after being together a while: – problems with kids; problems with money/budget; problems with getting car fixed; concerns about who’s got time to get things done around the house; concerns about in-laws; problems with neighbors dogs; concerns about each others health; problems with job; etc.

What is a friend? • Key to great friendship: learning to share, and to listen carefully for what’s within each other’s hearts A friend is someone who is glad to see you and doesn’t have any immediate plans for your improvement

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE time a. It is an investment of _________ • Never confusing time spent watching TV as time really spent together – communicating • Continue to plan dates and special time together just as you did when you were “dating. ”

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE • Guard the three most important five minute periods of the day. in the morning before one or both leave for work 1. ___________________ 2. ___________________ 3. ___________________

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE • Guard the three most important five minute periods of the day. in the morning before one or both leave for work 1. ___________________ in the early evening when one or both are returning from work 2. ___________________ 3. ___________________

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE • Guard the three most important five minute periods of the day. in the morning before one or both leave for work 1. ___________________ in the early evening when one or both are returning from work 2. ___________________ in the late evening before retiring to bed for the night 3. ___________________

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE • Guard the three most important five minute periods of the day. in the morning before one or both leave for work 1. ___________________ in the early evening when one or both are returning from work 2. ___________________ in the late evening before retiring to bed for the night 3. ___________________ couple devotion/worship time together 4. ___________________

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE b. It is an investment that involves ________ risk • When you really share your thoughts and feelings, you are taking the risk of rejection – When we openly communicate our thoughts and feelings we are revealing ourselves in a way that we do with very few people – Especially at times of conflict, the temptation is either to avoid confrontation at all costs or to go on the offensive

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE work c. It is an investment that takes ______

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE c. It is an investment that takes _work_ • “Hi! How are you doing? ” • “Sure is hot in here? ” surface/cliché – The first level of communication _________ conversation This is the level we use with those with whom we have had little practice communicating

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE c. It is an investment that takes __work___ • “I’m going to be home late because of that meeting” • “Don’t forget that appointment after school” of facts – The second level of communication reporting _______ This type of communication is vital for the functioning of a household, but it should not be confused with the type of communication that really needs to exist between husband wife.

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE c. It is an investment that takes __work___ peak communication – The third level of communication _______ This is the sharing of joys and sadness that really expresses that husband wife have become one flesh with each other. The hurts and joys of each spouse “belong” to the other and we are robbing each other when we withhold that. This includes being willing to engage in “caring conflict” instead of waiting for “Mt. Vesuvius” to erupt!

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE c. It is an investment that takes __work___ breakdown • Beware of the ________ of good communication

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE – Beware of the __breakdown__ of good communication • “I’ll be home late!” (why? when back? ) vague/unclear communication 1. ______________ The one communicating the message bears the responsibility that the one hearing is able to understand all that is needed to know

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE – Beware of the __breakdown__ of good communication • When there’s some work to be done around the house and someone says, “This has really been a hard day!” What they really mean is… 2. ______________ implied communication This means that we say one thing when we are hoping the other person picks up on the “real” point we are trying to make

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE – Beware of the __breakdown__ of good communication assumed communication 3. ______________ These are things that we simply take as “facts” about what the other “likes” or “dislikes, ” but we have never really asked the other.

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE – Beware of the __breakdown__ of good communication condescending/inconsiderate 4. ______________ communication Try to understand what made them say or do what they said or did. When in doubt, ask!

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE body language – Learn to read ________ – Recognize the unique way God has created us as female and male also in this area of communication

COMMUNICATION 1) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A DAILY INVESTMENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE THE UNIQUE COMMUNICATIONS OF MALE AND FEMALE Talk/Conversation: Spider web pattern (“painter”) Knotted rope pattern (“pointer”) Reactions: With intuition and spontaneity With logical sequence Person-oriented Task-oriented How we deal with things: These differences are meant to be part of the wonderful way God made us to complement, not duplicate each other. In other words, we need to learn to appreciate that it is good that we don’t think exactly alike.

Mark Gungor youtube. com - - - “Tale of Two Brains” (35 minute mark to 44: 10 minute mark)

As a couple, take 5 minutes to answer these two questions. • What strengths and weaknesses do you see in the way we communicate as male and female? • What happens in a marriage where spouses avoid discussing anything that might lead to a disagreement? 5 minutes

TIMES UP!

COMMUNICATION 2) GOOD COMMUNICATION IS A VITAL TOOL WHEN ______ ARISE IN problems YOUR RELATIONSHIP a. Problems will come

COMMUNICATION Romans 7: 18 -19 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. – Your marriage will never cease being the union of _________ two real sinners – The _______ is often not the problem _____ itself problem

COMMUNICATION Philippians 4: 13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength. • Remember that problems are not a threat _______ to end your marriage but obstacles ________ which the Lord promises you can leap together by his strength.

COMMUNICATION Romans 8: 35 -39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered. ” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

COMMUNICATION • No matter how hurt or troubled you may be over the words or actions of your spouse, cannot remember they _____________ you of the foundation on rob which your life is truly built.

COMMUNICATION Colossians 3: 12 -15 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. God • In your heart, seek the help of _____ to ______ your spouse forgive

COMMUNICATION 2 Corinthians 5: 14, 15 For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. 15 And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. • Seek God’s help to renew your commitment to self less loving, _______-_______ service to your spouse

COMMUNICATION – When you have sought God’s help to not let your hurt control you, seek in a caring way to let your spouse know that his/her words or actions did hurt you – Remember that it is not admitting defeat to seek the help of another Christian who can help you find the Lord’s path for your relationship – Throughout the difficulty, continue to draw strength from your Savior to seek your spouse’s forgiveness and to give your spouse your forgiveness

DATE NIGHT ACTIVITY DATE NIGHT DEVOTION MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT TBA – Connection: Completing a Great Marriage