Marriage Enrichment Aiming for Oneness and Conflict Resolution

Marriage Enrichment Aiming for Oneness and Conflict Resolution

How We Will Spend 2 Hours Introduction – 10 mins Aiming for Oneness – 30 mins Discussion – 20 mins Conflict Resolution – 30 mins Discussion – 20 mins Conclusion – 10 mins 1 min.

Introduction How did we get here? What is Oneness? God’s design More than just same religion Ongoing priority and goal Conflict Resolution Aim is not to be conflict-free The resolution should glorify God 1 min.

How did we get here? Our Marriage Journey 21 years married; 5 teenagers 3 yrs commuting to Triton; 12 years SFHC 2 apartments; 2 houses – maintained ownership of both for 4 years Both work FT; 2 degrees; working & studying; stable careers Living away from extended family 9 single people lived with us at various times 7 ISBC’s and 10 WM Journeys Our Struggles w/ Stress & Depression 5 min.

How God Helped Our Family Counseling from Christian Leaders Family Life is a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ International Weekend to Remember is a couples weekend held at various hotels around the country Art of Marriage is a DVD series that serves as an evangelistic tool to strengthen marriages 1 min.

Art of Marriage DVD Series (curriculum with a workbook component) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Love Happens: God’s purpose and plan Love Fades: Overcoming Isolation Love Dances: Fulfilling our Responsibilities Love Interrupted: Communication and Conflict Love Sizzles: Experiencing real intimacy 6. Love Always: Leaving a Lasting Legacy The concepts we will discuss today are mostly from Art of Marriage. God has developed this as a ministry for us that we can do together. We have monthly meetings with a large group and an engaged couple. 1 min.

Oneness “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. ” -- Mt 19: 6 Marriage: designed and defined by God Divine purpose: to reveal God and his love Gospel love seeks oneness in the body of Christ & in the family There are opposing forces to marriage 2 min.

Oneness Art of Marriage Video Session 2 - Chapter 7 “Effects of the Fall on Marriage” 8 min.

Threats to Oneness Difficult adjustments Cultural patterns Inevitable difficulties of life Extra-marital affections “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ” – Mt 6: 20 -22 Selfishness 1 min.

Isolation and Drift Isolation began at The Fall; it runs counter to everything that God is about. “Unless you lovingly and energetically nurture and maintain your marriage, you will begin to drift apart from your mate. You will live together, but you will live alone. ” – Dennis and Barbara Rainey “The devil’s strategy for our times is to trivialize human existence and to isolate us from one another while creating the delusion that the reasons are time pressures, work demands, or economic activities. ” -- Dr. Phillip Zombardo The good news is that the drift can be reversed if you are willing to come to Christ and put the necessary effort into building oneness. 2 min.

The Natural Drift Toward Isolation ROMANTIC Phase (dating; honeymoon) REALITY Phase Characterized by Intense feelings (honeymoon; early marriage) Unsustainable w/ emotions alone Couples learn more about their spouse Couples struggle to “make over” (change) Their spouse Realities of life sober the relationship Personal preferences surface and clash RENOVATION Phase RETALIATION Phase Characterized by despair REJECTION Phase Resentment & bitterness turn into hurtful words and actions Emotional separation or divorce. Inevitable conclusion of marriage isolation 3 min.

Improving Communication to Reverse the Drift Communication Levels Meaning Degree of Transparency 1. Cliché Non-sharing None 2. Fact Sharing what you KNOW 3. Opinion Sharing what you THINK 4. Emotion Sharing what you FEEL Much 5. Transparency Sharing WHO you are Number of People Each level Little necessitates Some Increasing degrees of: Complete TRUST COMMUNICATION RISK Anyone Many Some Few 1 to 3 2 min.

Oneness – How? “However, let each man of you without exception love his wife as his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly. ” -- Eph 5: 33 … Amplified Bible Couples must decide for themselves: What oneness means in their marriage How God can be glorified in their relationship How to pursue those things together Achieving oneness in marriage involves three essential elements: 1. 2. 3. Extravagant LOVE Generous FORGIVENESS Enthusiastic ENCOURAGEMENT 3 min.

Discussion 1. Based on the previous chart, where are you with regard to transparency in communication with your spouse? 2. What forces do you recognize are causing isolation in your marriage? 3. How can you stay connected with your spouse amidst difficulties? 4. What do you see successful couples doing to grow in oneness? 5. What things can you incorporate into your marriage life to increase oneness? 20 min.

Conflict Resolution Where does conflict come from? “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. ” -- James 4: 1 -2 ESV Conflict comes from within, not the circumstance It’s a spiritual battle Spouses are on the same side… no Losers Devil is the enemy, not your spouse 5 min.

Conflict Resolution – The Real Issues What you think you are fighting about… Find out what you are fighting about -Finances -Raising Children There are deeper issues lying beneath common conflicts At issue are opposing views of how to respond to the world -Intimacy -Relating to in-laws -Household Roles What you are really fighting about… -Security -Responsibility -Order “Boil down” the problem to get to the real issue -Connection -Loyalty -Caring Openness -Tim & Joy Downs, Authors of “Fight Fair!” 10 min.

Conflict Resolution – the Right Focus on… Rather than… one issue many issues the problem the person behavior character specifics generalizations facts judgment of motive “I”statements “you” statements understanding who’s winning or losing 5 min.

Conflict Resolution What does resolving conflict require? Art of Marriage Video – Session 4 – Chapters 4, 6, & 14 “Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ. ” – Eph 4: 15 Communicating the content while maintaining the relationship Restoration is the goal so that the world may see God at work Open lines of communication - both spouses have a voice and ears Make the confrontation loving & healthy – choose time & words with care Actively seek and grant forgiveness 10 min.

Discussion: Conflict Resolution 1. Where did your method of conflict resolution come from? What is it? 2. What are some areas in which you are unable to come to agreement? 3. How does not recognizing the real problem make resolution even harder? 4. Where do you need to seek or grant forgiveness? 5. How can you open communication? 20 min.

Conclusion How can we actively choose to bless our spouse? Cultivate a new attitude to be a Forgiver and a Giver Choose to bless rather than criticize or insult Use your power not to hurt but to heal Speak the words that your spouse needs to hear (a lot of these are just 3 words) 5 min.

Conclusion Enrichment is ongoing Open lines of Communication Take advantage of resources Share with other couples 3 min.

Resources Weekend To Remember Art of Marriage Series* Books: Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs Fight Fair!, by Tim & Joy Downs by http: //theartofmarriage. com/ After the Event/ View Again enter passcode: gen 224 2 min.

“Love one another as I have loved you…” -- Jesus