Making our children safer PART 2 Children can

Making our children safer PART 2 Children can learn to help protect themselves

Making our children safer PART 2. An outline for parents about how to help their children learn to protect themselves

Children have these rights : • To be safe • To have their bodies respected • To have their thoughts and feelings respected • To be treated fairly Children should have: Protection, peace Food, medical care, housing Love, care, friendship Education, play, equal chance, Special help or care if needed

ADULTS are responsible for nurturing and protecting children from harm. As children grow older they can help protect themselves

Making our children safer There are three major components in child protection education: • recognising abuse • power in relationships • protective strategies

RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – Ø To correctly name body parts so that they can describe what is happening Ø To build a concept that it is NOT OK for another person to touch their private parts unless they are hurt or to help clean them Ø To recognise feelings YES – something we like and NO – something we don’t like

RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – § To name feelings § § § To recognise that feelings give us messages and to ACT on these messages if they are hurt, uncomfortable or confused To recognise body signals – if it’s a warning signal they must learn to STOP and THINK – am I safe or unsafe? To recognise that there are INTERNAL and EXTERNAL signals

RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – • • INTERNAL and EXTERNAL SIGNALS. Internal signals Body signals could include: Squirmy, bouncy or lumpy tummy, warm body, cold shivery body, sweaty hands, quick breathing, racing heart, frozen heart, crying eyes, open eyes, shaky knees.

RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – External signs must be taken notice of q The location or where the person is q The time of day or night q The people around or absence of people q What the people (if any) are doing q What should be happening in that location

RECOGNISING ABUSE Teach your children – To understand that there are different kinds of touching. OK and not OK touching depends on such factors as: v WHO is touching you? v WHAT body part are they touching? v WHEN are they touching you? v WHERE are you when they touch you (at a celebration, in front of friends, privately)? v HOW are they touching you (roughly, gently)?

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Teach your children – q That relationships are connections they have with people. q That there are different kinds of relationships. q That everyone has a responsibility to treat others politely provided their right to feel and be safe is respected.

Relationship Circles Me

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Teach your children – That relationships change because – q people move away q people change q trust is broken Therefore there is not a close relationship any more.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Teach your children – q Trust involves knowing the person and believing that he/she will always do the right thing - help keep the child safe and act in an OK and fair way towards them. q That when trust is broken CAUTION is needed. q Betrayal of trust is a common factor in child abuse.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Teach your children – q That a stranger is someone we do not yet have a relationship or connection with. q We do not have any reason to trust them yet even though they seem friendly.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS • Research indicates that children over the age of eight have a better understanding about what constitutes a stranger (Briggs and Hawkins 1997). However, if a child’s understanding is not strong the following optional questions could be discussed.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS • Could a lady who looks like a nice grandmother be a stranger? • Could a helpful man wearing a suit be a stranger? • Could someone you have seen before be a stranger? • Is a person whom you have seen talking to a teacher at school still a stranger?

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS • Is someone who has been kind and helpful to you still a stranger? • Could someone who has bought or given you something still be a stranger? • Can a teenager be a stranger? • If a person tells you their name and address and some other things about themselves are they still a stranger?

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Remember our definition: Trust involves knowing the person and believing that he/she will always do the right thing - help keep the child safe and act in an OK and fair way towards them.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Teach your children – That BULLYING is NOT OK!!! It can hurt a child physically, emotionally and mentally. People who bully use their power (physically or psychologically) to dominate, manipulate and frighten others who are less powerful than they are.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Teach your children – Bullying is repetitive, ongoing and kept a secret. It includes: q Putdowns/name calling q Threats q Spreading rumours/nasty stories q Ignoring a person/alienating a person q Physically hurting a person q Teasing a person constantly q Intimidation q Discrimination

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Some suggested anti-bullying actions include: q Ignore the bully. Go and talk to or stand with other people. q Don’t react. Don’t name - call back. q Pretend you don’t hear or know what the bully is doing or saying. q Be confident and happy with yourself. Then you can ignore what the bully says and the insults won’t matter. They are probably not true.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Some more suggested anti-bullying actions include: Try to: q agree with the bully –say “You might think that. ” or “That’s your opinion. ” q stand up for yourself –say “You’re annoying me, stop it!” q tell the bully to go away

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Some more suggested anti-bullying actions include: Try not to: q cry q show that you’re angry q run straight for help q think that something is wrong with you. But remember to stay with your real friends. If these strategies don’t work, speak out about the bullying to parents, teachers and friends.

POWER IN RELATIONSHIPS Teach your children – q Everyone has a right to be touched in a caring way. Some touching can be confusing, hurtful or scary. This gives the child a NO feeling. q Children must learn to say NO ( if they can ) Then GO (if they can) And TELL ! someone they know and trust.

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Teach your children – q FEEL … THINK …. ACT are steps which can help children decide if they are unsafe. If they think they are unsafe they have to make decisions and act on them. q When children say NO they need to learn to use their body to say NO in a strong way. Teach them to be assertive.

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Teach your children – q THERE ARE NO SECRETS - JUST HAPPY SURPRISES! If a secret is unhappy it can be hard to talk about it. Body warning signals and external warning signals will help you recognise a secret that should not be kept.

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Teach your children – Help your children to think of signs that may help them recognise a secret that should not be kept, eg · You have mixed feelings or changing feelings · You feel unhappy, worried, guilty, scared or unsafe · You have to keep the secret forever · Your body gives you warning signals like feeling sick or yucky, shaking, racing heart, lumpy stomach

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Teach your children – More signs that may help children recognise a secret that should not be kept - · You are the only one who knows about the secret · The secret hurts your thinking and goes over and over in your head · You really want to tell a trusted adult about it but it seems too hard

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Teach your children – More signs that may help children recognise a secret that should not be kept · Someone bribes you or threatens you to keep it · You have to tell lies to keep it · It is about something not OK or unsafe · It is about abuse

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Teach your children – q Teach and encourage children to seek help when they feel unsure, unsafe or have been hurt or abused. q It is most important that they TELL and that they keep on TELLING until they are protected. q Telling can be difficult. Having support from a friend and having good communication skills can help children TELL.

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Skills and Attitudes & Values to teach your children – 1. Skills v assertiveness v communication v identifying threatening situations v recognising feelings v decision-making/problem solving v nurturing/caring for others

PROTECTIVE STRATEGIES Skills and Attitudes & Values to teach your children – 2. Attitudes and values v equality in relationships v respect for others v responsibility v self-esteem v to value caring and nurturing skills