Loving your wife Loving your wife is not

Loving your wife

Loving your wife is not an act of emotion- Its an act of devotion!!!! • For most of you we are not going to go over any new material tonight. • As men, we have heard most of this information before.

“Challenge” • Our challenge is to reject passivity and initiate service. • So information is not the problem. • Its acting on that information.

“Studies have shown a pattern in marriage” Before marriage, do you remember the hunt, the chase. How exciting it was. How we felt when we could spend time with her. The anticipation of your lives together!!!! That feeling was awesome, ----God has a plan for our marriage to get better…….

Pattern in Marriage • • • Wife & husband tend to focus on intimacy in the early years of marriage 0 -4 years Years 3 -5 kids come along. Then the wife tends to stay connected with the kids. The husband tends to focus on providing in years 5 -25.

“Husbands Responsibility” • Providing for our family is Not wrong- It’s reality, but we need to be aware of these tendency’s so we can stay connected to our wives in these years. • So when we get out to year 25 the Question is DID HUSBAND WIFE STAY FRIENDS in those middle years? ? ? • You have to decide to stay connected through years 620. Have a plan.

“Your Move with Andy Stanley Podcast” Staying in Love (Feb 2013) • Profoundly important question to ask. • Is it possible for 2 people to stay happy together forever? • In spite of what we see happening in culture. • In spite of what we may have experienced.

“Encouraging Article” • However, according to Dr. Gary Thomas, the highest level of marital satisfaction, surprisingly surpassing even the honeymoon phase, is after 25 years of marriage. Couples who are married more than a quarter century are, generally, the most happy they have ever been. They’ve been through the battles, survived, and have learned how to thrive. They have more realistic expectations, are less selfish, and are more mature.

1. Lead by Example. • My commitment to my wife is not to lead by position. • Lead by relationship. • If you are not serving the most in your family, than you are not leading by example. Does your wife & kids see you sitting on the couch a lot?

• Are you letting your wife be the spiritual leader? • I am not going to lead with words but with actions. • God wants us MEN to lead our families, He is wanting us to step up.

Eph_5: 18. "And do not be drunk with wine. . . but be filled with the Spirit. " • The command to "be filled with the Spirit" is in the present tense, indicating an ongoing condition • It could properly be translated "(always) being filled”. • A call to a way of living, not merely periodic events.

How many of you have grown kids that are married? • How many of you see your Son’s leading their families? What does that baton that you passed down look like? • What do you want that to look like? • I see things in my son now, he’s 9 years old that really make me think—wow, is he doing that because of my example. Some good things, and some not so good things.

2. Understand Her as a Woman. – I have hard time with this one… • 1 Pet 3: 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. ESV • 1 Pe 3: 7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. KJV. • Live with them—How? According to knowledge>> • How do we get knowledge of our wives?

Understand they are not men, they are women…They think different, that’s ok. . Can’t expect her to act like a man. Gen 2: 18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him. "

Men can forget things quick. Many different rooms, we can shut the door and never go back in. Women remember everything. They have one big room with all the doors open. … Years later they can bring up stuff…. .

Challenge you guys to be a student of your wife. Write down her favorite things (dress size, ice cream, food, etc. ) Where is her favorite place to go? What’s the place she would most like to visit? Ask her how she is doing – connect with her.

Don’t always try to fix things. Men are wired that way and we need to fight the inclination to always want to fix things. Instead we first need to be a good listener. Most important question to remember!!! Ask Her how does that make you feel?

3. Serve Her, • Eph 5: 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. • Eph 5: 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. • Christ is our example…. As he gave himself to suffer on the cross to save us, so in that same way, WE are to be willing to deny ourselves, and to bear burdens & trials, it’s our role promote the happiness of our wife.

• Come home after work, take over with the kids. • Pick up after the Kids. • Do Dishes. • Give her a 10 minute break.

• If your watching football Sunday afternoon and your wife is taking care of the kids YOU ARE NOT LOVING YOUR WIFE…. • That was me 6 years ago…. Chargers, Beer, Don’t bother me on Sundays!!!!!

• John 13: 34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. • Eph 5: 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. • What happens when you really serve her? • She is going to want to serve you. • mutual submission from both the husband the wife is awesome. It looks like this. • You first, No You first.

4. Please Your Wife • What are five things that make her happy? • Write them down. Know them. • Be nice to her with your words and actions… • • Most important thing to please your wife? MAKE LOVE----A VERB. Its an action. Its something you purpose to do. It’s not a feeling.

5. Compliment Her • Write her notes…Leave them for her to find. Mail them. • Buy a stash of greeting cards to keep at your work desk – be prepared to be thoughtful.

Take Home for Loving your Wife. . How can we Make LOVE - A VERB