Loving and Beyond Loving a Special Child Edilberto

Loving and Beyond Loving a Special Child Edilberto I. Dizon, Ed. D.

Loving and more than just loving the child by way of actualizing such love in positive, specific, and concrete actions are realized within these dimensions and their themes: Being: In celebration of life, Believing: The special child can!, Bonding: Learning and growing with the special child, Belonging: Into the bigger world of humanity, Becoming: Toward a positive purposive direction, and Beyond: Redefining the meaning of parenting and educating the special child for the future.

Being God has purposively chosen us to partake of His loving this special child. He has handpicked us from the rest because we have the strength, the patience, and the promise for constantly caring for the child in whatever circumstances. He wants to teach us an enduring lesson on accepting and loving the child unconditionally. “Thy Will be done!” What a rare privilege to be Godchosen to love a special child He loves so dearly! We want a special child to live, to become. It is not that this child is much more loved, much more favored. It is simply because he/she needs such love expressed much more than any other child.

When we have come to terms with God’s conditions and ceased asking questions, there is peace within; there is inner strength never to give up on this child despite his/her inadequacies. We provide adequate physical care and nourishment, protect him/her from dangers including the imputations and insensitivities of those who cannot understand. We provide appropriate and responsive education believing that one day, he/she will achieve the best he/she can – no matter how small this is. It is, indeed, difficult for us to explain – as there are no words yet that can truly capture the joys of welcoming a special child to our lives and seeing him/her make those little steps toward growing his/her wings!.

Believing We get confused, agitated and at times angry. We then search far and wide but the answers are not even arm-length farther, nay, an inch away. The answers are just within us: in our hearts, in our minds! It is the fear of confronting what having a special child means that keeps us out of touch. We search for answers we ourselves must give, not obliging others to answer for us! It is this denial or doubt that isolates us and the child from the mainstream of humanity. It is the anticipated embarrassment or rejection that draws us and the child into isolation.

What we believe in determines what becomes of the special child. We trust that the child can achieve no matter how small his/her cup is. We do not measure children by their cup sizes. We cannot question, after all, God’s option of determining cup sizes. Whether a cup is thimble– small or tank–big, what matters is that this cup is full – full of all the goodness, the wisdom lovingly and gently poured into it by significant others.

Believing in the special child’s worth and potential, we let go of him/her: providing the needed time, attention and space for him/her to play, draw, sing, dance, quarrel, cry, laugh with others. It is this courageous act of letting go – without getting emotionally involved – that readies the child, builds his/her self-confidence, and strengthens him/her to initiate and discover the wonders of growing and learning.

Bonding The presence of a special child in your life defines who you are as you discover each time – piece by piece just like in a jigsaw puzzle – a facet of yours. In the process, without deliberate intentions, each piece gets together and you ask: “Lord, what are you telling me? What is it that you are hinting? ” In time, when all pieces are in place, the figure is revealed. Just like these pieces in a puzzle – each event in your life with the special child connects with other events until God’s message becomes clear. By having gradually completed your life puzzle, God has led you to some destination you have not thought of before. He has deepened your sensitivities and compassion. He has made your vision much clearer. You can now feel the joys and the goodness of loving, healing and nurturing a special child. He has made you stronger and given you peace. And after all these, you can exclaim: “Lord, thank You for unfolding – little by little through the years – what You want me to be. Piece by piece, You have led me to discover myself. Slowly, piece by piece, at a pace I could sustain, You have been patient with me until I have placed the last piece. You have considered my frailties and vulnerabilities that You let me discover Your Purpose in me step by step!”

Bonding means preparing the siblings to support the child. Thus, siblings must also be assisted to become the best they can be because in the end, they can willingly assume responsibility for the special child. Bonding also means showing concern and consideration toward all those who love the child. Loving them redounds to the child’s good. You wish them good health and positive well-being. Whoever your child loves, you also love. Whoever commits her/himself to your child’s welfare deserves your love!

Belonging We value a supportive community that welcomes and accommodates the special child without discrimination and rejection. It has been said that it is not the child’s disability that crushes him/her. It is the nonpositive, unkind reactions of people that wreck the child’s self-confidence and alienate him/her. That is why we build a loving, caring and accepting community because such assures the special child’s protection and guidance.

The condition of defeat and self-doubt to stand move on after a fall, the feeling of worthlessness and self-pity: all these happen in a community that unkindly judges the child. When you share food to a hungry child or arrange for his/her shelter… When you teach your child to share a cookie with a special child or to celebrate his/her birthday among special children in an institution…

When you teach your child to share his/her unused toys with special children in an orphanage… When you teach your child to pray for the less fortunate, the sick and the handicapped… When you volunteer in a day-care center, a hospital, a soup kitchen or a hospice-care center….

All these make special children smile, trust and belong. All these prepare them to be significant members of humanity. All these humanize them and make them witness and feel the goodness of people in their midst.

Becoming When we talk of a special child, we talk of a future. Preparing the child for the future requires setting realistic expectations/standards. We do not compare him/her with other children. We let him/her move up at his/her own rate and pace of learning. No matter how slow this child is, no matter how little he/she learns, what matters most is he/she moves on and gets better each time. Let us rejoice over whatever height his/her wings will lead him/her to. Let us steadfastly remain, “the wind beneath his/her wings”.

Beyond What does it mean now to be parents and teachers of special children for the future? As parents and teachers, we need to prepare for the future of our special children. We have to plan for their short- and long-term needs by saving for them, and laying out intervention plans and means of implementation in consultation with other concerned individuals. All these ensure the well-being and security of these children throughout their lives.

It is our responsibility to ensure that special children are equipped with functional and helpful knowledge, skills and competencies needed not only now but also in the future when they have to be much less dependent on others for help. It is, therefore, imperative that they be assisted systematically and continuously in pursuing realistic and worthwhile careers they can be productively and positively busy with.

Finally, as parents and teachers, we are: Growth facilitators ensuring that the special child is provided with a holistic, purposive education; Providers of empowerment education that ensures the special child’s acquisition of needed skills and abilities - developing in him/her confidence and competence in the career he/she pursues; and, Providers of transformational education that ensures the special child’s maximization of his/her potential as he/she transitions to higher levels of life functionings in the different developmental areas.