Life Coaching with Couples Smart Marriages Conference June

Life Coaching with Couples: Smart Marriages Conference June 29, 2007 Presented by: Lisa G. Kramer, MSW, PCC Living with Intention LLC www. livingwithintention. com www. lovingwithintention. com “For one human being to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. ” ~Rilke © 2007 Living with Intention

Program Overview § What is Life Coaching? n n n What is Life Coaching with Couples? Distinctions between Coaching and Other Professions Conscious Relationship Coaching Model™ Live Coaching Demo Q & A – write them down What’s Next? © 2007 Living with Intention

Request – A Coaching Skill • Beginner’s Mind “Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child. ” - Wild • Be the Consumer © 2007 Living with Intention

Struggle 1 : To make strenuous or violent efforts in the face of difficulties or opposition 2 : To proceed with difficulty or with great effort © 2007 Living with Intention

The Secret Our Thoughts Create Our Reality The Law of Attraction – Like energy attracts like energy Focus on Struggle creates more struggle and hard work Focus on Appreciation and what you want creates more of what you want © 2007 Living with Intention

Premise for Today’s Program When couples learn to focus their attention on what’s already working well and what they want more of, that’s exactly what happens – they get more of what they want! © 2007 Living with Intention

Coaching is the vehicle to shift from struggle to satisfaction! © 2007 Living with Intention

What is Coaching? What comes to mind when you think of COACHING? © 2007 Living with Intention

What is Coaching § A partnership designed to assist clients to produce fulfilling results in their lives. § Coaching honors the client as the expert in his/her life and work. § Every client is creative, resourceful and whole. – International Coach Federation, 2006 © 2007 Living with Intention

Life Coaching with Couples § § § Communication Parenting Finances Romance/Intimacy Family Relationships Life Transitions – Retirement, Empty Nest © 2007 Living with Intention

KEY POINTS n n Defines relationship vision and develops plan of action Focuses on possibilities and capitalizes on strengths of the couple’s relationship Narrows the gap between present and vision for the future Identifies roadblocks to assist couples to make conscious choices © 2007 Living with Intention

Similarities/ Distinctions Counseling Marriage Education Coaching © 2007 Living with Intention

Similarities/Distinctions Between Relationship Coaching and Counseling What are some similarities between relationship coaching and counseling? Marriage education? What are some differences between relationship coaching and counseling? Marriage education? © 2007 Living with Intention

The Conscious Relationship Coaching Model™ © 2007 Living with Intention

The Conscious Relationship A Conscious Relationship fosters maximum psychological and spiritual growth for both partners. Stages in a Conscious Relationship 1. Romantic Love – ‘Honeymoon Phase’ 2. The Power Struggle – Conflict as Opportunity for Growth 3. Mature Love – Conscious Love Imago Theory ~ Harville Hendrix © 2007 Living with Intention

The Conscious Relationship Coaching Model™ n Design the Coaching Alliance n Create the Relationship Vision n Develop a Plan of Action n Implement the Plan n Clarity (vision) + Intention (plan) + Action (doing) = Results (desired outcome) © 2007 Living with Intention

Design the Alliance n Key Elements n The Welcome Packet n Set the foundation n Educate couple about coaching n Determine focus n Establish connection n Ask permission to coach “The first step in building an effective coaching relationship is to create a safe and courageous space for the client…” Whitworth et al. Coactive Coaching © 2007 Living with Intention

Creating the Vision n Part I – Personal Vision n Values clarification Wheel of Life Part II – Relationship Vision n Personal Relationship Vision n Shared Relationship Vision n Relationship Wheel n Use of Mirroring © 2007 Living with Intention

Inventory - Wheel of Life Directions: The eight sections in the Wheel of Life represent Balance. Seeing the center of the wheel as 0 and the outer edge as 10, rate your level of satisfaction with each life area by drawing a straight or curved line to create a new outer edge). The new perimeter of the circle represents the Wheel of Life. How bumpy would the ride be if this were a real wheel? Physical Environment Career 7 -10 Finances Friends & Family 5 -7 3 -5 1 -3 Health Sig. other/ Romance Fun & © 2007 Living with Intention Recreation Personal Growth

Creating the Vision n Part II – Relationship Vision n Personal Relationship Vision n Shared Relationship Vision n Relationship Wheel n Use of Mirroring © 2007 Living with Intention

Relationship Wheel Physical Environment Communication 8 -10 Personal/Spiritual Development 4 -7 0 -3 Family and Friends (Community) Core Values Social/Fun Parenting Finances Romance/Intimacy The hub represents your core values—each area inter-related in an ideal life. Give yourself a score (1 -10) and shade or color in the space accordingly. Use this Wheel as a way to assess the level of relationship satisfaction in each area. You may score it numerically to measure improvement desired, or you may use it to have a coaching conversation about gaps between where you are now and where you would like to be. © Lisa Kramer/Patrick Williams © 2007 Living with Intention

Inventory – Relationship Wheel Directions: The eight sections in the Wheel of Life represent Balance. Seeing the center of the wheel as 0 and the outer edge as 10, rate your level of satisfaction with each life area by drawing a straight or curved line to create a new outer edge). The new perimeter of the circle represents the Wheel of Life. How bumpy would the ride be if this were a real wheel? Communication Physical Environment 7 -10 Friends & Family 5 -7 Parenting 3 -5 1 -3 Romance © 2007 Living with Intention Lifestyle (incl. fun/ recreation Money Personal Growth (incl. spirituality

The Coaching Conversation n n Establish focus with the client Promote discovery by listening, asking questions Clarify gaps – Where is the client now? Where does he/she want to be? Determine action to narrow the gap Identify next steps and accountability © 2007 Living with Intention

Coaching Demo Creating a Relationship Vision Select one area of the relationship to begin to create a vision Observers – what assisted the couple in moving forward to develop the plan? © 2007 Living with Intention

Develop the Plan n n Set SMART goals - Specific - Measurable - Achievable - Related to the Vision - Time-Limited Develop Action Steps © 2007 Living with Intention

Planning and Designing Actions Imagine you are there, what are the steps you took to get there? By when do you want to accomplish this? What is the first step you will take between now and our next meeting? What support do you need? © 2007 Living with Intention

Create Accountability is key to accomplishing what clients want Client makes an accounting of what he/she did or did not accomplish at the next coaching call Accountability questions: n What did you experience? n What got in the way? n What did you learn? © 2007 Living with Intention

Structure of the Coaching Relationship § Coaching takes place in person or by telephone § Meetings occur two or three times monthly for a minimum of three months § Both partners must be present for each call § Fees are monthly or ‘package’ © 2007 Living with Intention

Great Coaches “Great coaches and mentors are so unshakably convinced that we have great things in us -- their vision of what is possible for us is so clear and powerful -- that they wind up convincing us too. ” - Lou Tice © 2007 Living with Intention