Lateral Violence Workshop With Annita Mcphee ANNITA MCPHEE

Lateral Violence Workshop With Annita Mcphee ANNITA MCPHEE STRATEGIES

Agenda Welcome Thank you to the Coast Salish People + -Thank you to Canadian Riders Association Professional Association ◦ Our overall goal to today is to learn about Lateral Violence and to address Lateral Violence in our lives, communities and at work. What is Lateral Violence? What does it mean to you? Introduction to Lateral Violence – Explain what is Lateral Violence ◦ Provide basic information regarding lateral violence Lateral Violent behaviours -Understand specific laterally violent behaviours Why Do we participate in Lateral Violence ? Explore why we engage in lateral violence and where we have learnt such behaviours Lateral Violence In the Workplace How Lateral Violence impacts on the Workplace Individuals, Families, community and organisations Explore how we have been effected by lateral violence personally, within our communities and workplace How do we recover from Lateral Violence at Work, At home, in Our community? Taking care of Ourselves – Boundary Settings Closing Comments ANNITA MCPHEE

Introduction to Lateral Violence 1. What is it? Describe What it Means to You ANNITA MCPHEE

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Introduction to Aboriginal Lateral Violence Lateral violence is a world wide occurrence & profitable business: §Social Media §News §Magazines ANNITA MCPHEE

Introduction to Aboriginal Lateral Violence What is it? • Lateral violence is a world wide occurrence, this workshop is about how it affects us Aboriginal People. • Different from workplace bullying, Lateral Violence with Aboriginal people differs because we abuse our own people- quite similar to ways we been hurt • Its a cycle of abuse & its roots lie in colonization, intergenerational trauma • And discrimination and racism • It is a Learned behavior and result of colonialism & patriarchal government, institutions & systems that are imposed on us. VERY DIFFERENT THAT JUST BULLYING or WORKPLACE BULLYING (we are going to focus on that too!) ANNITA MCPHEE

Root Causes of Aboriginal Lateral Violence : “Aboriginal Lateral violence comes from being colonised, invaded. It comes from being told you are worthless and treated as being worthless for a long period of time. Naturally you don't want to be at the bottom of the pecking order, so you turn on your own” Governments can (inadvertently or deliberately) create the environment for lateral violence through a lack of recognition and engagement, and by pitting groups against each other. ( Not enough funding for resources such as housing, or proving land title are examples) ANNITA MCPHEE

Root Causes of Lateral Violence : At the same time, as Indigenous people, WE HAVE SURVIVED: • colonization, • oppression, • intergenerational trauma • racism and discrimination We HAVE SURVIVED our culture being underground, broke up families, dislocated people from their land traditions, and imposed assimilation onto children via residential schools, We HAVE SURVIVED which the legacy of a multigenerational disconnect from culture. ANNITA MCPHEE

Root Causes of Lateral Violence • Growing up • Learned behaviour • Parents • Relatives • Teachers • Friends • Cousins • Authority Figures ANNITA MCPHEE

What are behaviours Linked with Lateral Violence • Lateral Violence can take on a number of toxic behaviours • It is an action that is meant to discourage or make a person feel bad in the workplace. • If you are a target of lateral violence the constant negative behaviors can be similar to harassment and bullying • In its true form, Lateral Violence be conscious, deliberate act of meanness with overall intention to hurt, harm, and induce fear in a co-worker or person • In other forms of Lateral Violence the perpetrator may not even be aware of their meaness or behaviour ( unconscious) ANNITA MCPHEE

Behavioural Signs of Lateral Violence • Non-verbal intimidation (raising eyebrows, making faces, eye rolling) – silent treatment • Tone! Tone of voice is just as important as the words being said • Ridicule of someone – constant criticism, • Sarcasm -Making snide comments and remarks • Blaming • Belittling a person’s opinion • Yelling or swearing • Using putdowns - name-calling • Using social media to make put downs ANNITA MCPHEE

Lateral Violent behaviours - Understanding specific laterally violent behaviours Behaviour includes: • Gossiping • I Intimidations – Verbal or non-verbal • Entitlement – “You owe me!” • Feuding or Family Feuds • Shaming • Putting down others – laughing at people – inappropriate humour • When violence is directed at our own people • When oppressed group turn on each other “Crabs in the Bucket Syndrome “ • Outward jealousy and envy of others • Bloodism (I’m more NDN than you) You don’t belong here, you’re white or urban or rez “All are learned behaviour and learned behaviour can be changed” ANNITA MCPHEE

Why do people choose to use or engage in Lateral Violence? (Causes of Lateral Violence) • Trauma – grew up in hostile environment, addictions, intergenerational trauma • Low Self – Esteem, Low Self Worth • Hard time to Trust Others • Confused and unhappy with themselves • Stuck in Cycle of Oppression • Lack of awareness of behaviour • Denial – don’t know they are being mean to people (raised that way, trained that way, addictions etc, mental health issues etc) • Unresolved Anger, Pain and Shame ANNITA MCPHEE

What Lateral Violence Can Look Like ANNITA MCPHEE

Behavioural Signs at Work: • Being purposely unavailable to meet - purposely not responding • Repeated targeting of an individual by another person or group of persons-MOB • Not respecting privacy (emails or conversations) • Using social media to complain about work or people at work • Refusing to work with someone • Backstabbing – acts of sabotage to hurt someone’s reputation –GOSSIP! • Complaining to peers without talking directly to the person ANNITA MCPHEE

How Lateral Violence impacts on Individuals, Families, community and organisations FAMILIES: COMMUNITIES: • Families become divided • Low Moral • No trust • Mob Mentality • Difficult to attend gatherings • Hard to enjoy events or gatherings • Affects Cultural Events /Gatherings ANNITA MCPHEE

Cost to Organization • High Staff Turnover • Loss of Corporate History • Low Morale • Decreased Customer Service • Increased Financial Costs • Increased Absenteeism • Lack of Teamwork • Unhealthy competition ANNITA MCPHEE

My Rights My rights are protected by s. 35 of the constitution nationally and by UNDRIP Internationally to : • My Culture • My Land What I do not have a right to : • To abuse others or express myself in a disrespectful way to protect these rights. This is lateral violence and it hurts people • My Spirituality • Right to Hunt, Fish, or Gather • Right to express myself, my voice in decision making on things that affect these rights ! ANNITA MCPHEE

Addressing Lateral Violence at Work: q. All parties need to keep a record of any negative interactions experience, including names of witnesses. q. Talk with a trusted friend, coworker or counsellor if you feel you are being a target of harassment q It is important to report facts q. Role Model accountability, fair only. Remove emotion, practices, and healthy behavior – assumptions, hearsay and CREATE A SAFE WORK judgements. ENVIRONMENT! ANNITA MCPHEE

Who Does Lateral Violence Impact the Most Our Children!!!! • We lead by example and when our children see us yelling, bullying, swearing at people or laughing at them, they may take on these behaviours • They may also become very hurt by seeing their parents hurt or family hurt. This can really affect their self-esteem • Must break this cycle of violence and abuse to teach our children that they can grow up safe from abuse ANNITA MCPHEE

Addressing Lateral Violence- Boundaries Toxic Behaviour Choice React ACT! 4 Factors Determine our response: 1. How – we react or act. Are we proactive or reactive? What are the consequences? 2. When – we discuss 3. Where – we talk about the issue 4. Why – are we talking about this ? **Delicate situation and knowing these factors will determine best response** ++TIP: Am I so upset that I may need to give myself 24? ? How do I ground myself? ANNITA MCPHEE

Story of Jenny goes on Facebook and sends me a horrible message calling me a fat cow and a big whale What? ANNITA MCPHEE

Setting Boundaries Setting boundaries = self care Communication styles – Missing a Tea Date with Friend 1. Passive 2. Passive Aggressive 3. Aggressive 4. Assertive = Respect for other person, Respect for self –(When, Where, How, Why we are addressing the person) = setting boundaries for yourself and the other person ANNITA MCPHEE

Ladder of Accountability 1. Denial of Situation 2. Blame Others 3. ”If Only” or “ I can’t” excuses 4. Wait and Hope Accountability 5. Acknowledge 6. Own it. 7. Find/Create Solutions 8. Solutions ! ANNITA MCPHEE

How do we recover from Lateral Violence POWER WITH each other instead of POWER OVER each other. Many ways to of seeing the same situation… q. Prevention! New ways to communicate, act and be in relationships with other q. Explore “What this is” saying “yes and…” i. e. Yes , I love you and this is heavy on my heart – validates & respects each person’s perspective in difficult situation q. Be Gentle on each other q. No Buts! The word but automatically reduces it what came before it! Usually q. We can be curious, we can express ourselves, doesn’t necessarily mean we it’s a contradiction …opposite have to be angry while doing it “You’re really good at cooking but you don’t know how to clean your house!” ANNITA MCPHEE

How do we recover from Lateral Violence If we remove lateral violence what do we replace it with? ? • Find your voice -Helping other find theirs too • Self-care • Listening to each other (sometimes hard to do with electronics) • Be present! • Remaining open to those we may perceive as the enemy • Create a supportive network of friends • Focus on Strengths of yourself/people/band • Celebrate successes! Encourage positive changes • We all have the experience of feeling undermined • Need to try to heal ourselves through counselling, treatment, self help programs, our culture • Neutral person for meetings • Set ground rules • Help to stop the lateral violence begins with ourselves • We can have POWER WITH each other instead of Power OVER ANNITA MCPHEE

Healing from Lateral Violence: At Work: Encourage Teamwork, Build Trust and a Safe Environment! • Engaging in cultural activities; dances, singing, if no group start a group • Language – Start a Language Group or join a language class, share words with coworkers • Making traditional food with co-workers • Sewing group – sew traditional regalia with co-workers once a month or every 2 weeks • Restoring our identity and regaining what was lost by practicing our culture is what will heal us from lateral violence or violence. +Take back our power+ ANNITA MCPHEE

Remember a Special Event or Gathering • How did you feel? • Describe the feeling of the gathering? • Can this happen again ANNITA MCPHEE

Addressing Lateral Violence • Change is uncomfortable learning to use “I “statements and asserting ourselves can be difficult at first when we start being assertive • Learn to be uncomfortable –that is how change occurs, if it was easy we would all do this right away. Sometimes its hard to take care of ourselves when we have had our boundaries eroded or not set boundaries in our lives • Depends on our child hood or how we have lived our lives, people pleasing, running or being isolated. All depends on the person LETS BE BETTER NOT BITTER! *What kinds of gifts can I bring to the relationship? Respect, Kindness, Responsibility ++ ANNITA MCPHEE

Resources ANNITA MCPHEE