Large Group Session 2 1 How To Address

Large Group Session 2: 1 How To Address Conflict & Gossip

“Conflict is inevitable But combat is optional. ” Max Lucado

Amygdala Examples from Nature

t h g fi free ze flight

5 4 3 2 1 Intractable Fight/Flight Contest Disagreement A Problem to Solve 0

Triangulation What does this look like in the church?

Gossip Chain Instead of going directly to the person with whom I have a problem I give up my power by triangulating. I do this because I think it is too hard to face the person with whom I have a problem. It is easier to talk to a third person, or a fourth person or a fifth person. This is the gossip chain. If the first person I tell has good boundaries, s/he will help me figure out how to deal with it directly. This will avoid a gossip chain. If they don’t have good boundaries it will begin a great gossip chain. HOWEVER: It can be stopped anywhere along the gossip chain. Any person along the chain can stop it. YOU can stop it. REMEMBER…. good boundaries….

Bible Study MATTHEW 18 15 “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.

Bible Study MATTHEW 18 16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

Bible Study MATTHEW 18 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Bible Study MATTHEW 18 18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

Bible Study MATTHEW 18 19 Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them. ”

10 STEP to resolve conflict 1. Set place, date and time to meet to talk about the conflict. 2. Name the problem, define the problem. 3. How does everyone contribute to the problem. 4. Brainstorm possible solutions to the problem 5. Narrow down the list to 3 -4 most likely solution 6. Decide to try one solution 7. Determine length of time to try solution 8. set a date to meet again to evaluate 9. Evaluate 10. Celebrate success

Synod Resources Resolving Conflict in Congregations Holy Cow Consultants Bridge. Builders

Bridge Builders Conflict Resolution Process • One to one interviews with 20+ members of the congregation • Educational session about congregations as anxious systems • Tell it to the team-open forum for the congregation to voice their concerns in an appropriate space • Bridge Builders return to present report and meet with ACTION TEAM leads focus groups in the congregation. • ACTION TEAM implements recommendations