Language Network Revising Sentences Revising Sentences Revising Problem

Language Network Revising Sentences

Revising Sentences Revising Problem Sentences Tightening Content Improving Stringy Sentences Reducing Overloaded Sentences Practice and Apply

Tightening Content A sentence in which you repeat information, express an opinion without supporting it, or use unnecessary words and expressions may create a problem for your readers.

Tightening Content Problem Sentence My neighbor is a professional writer, and she writes for a living. REPETITIVE INFORMATION

Tightening Content Problem Sentence Students should be required to write for the school newspaper. UNSUPPORTED STATEMENT

Tightening Content Problem Sentence Virginia’s picture appeared in the Bronxville Banner because of the fact that she wrote a prize-winning essay. TOO MANY WORDS

Tightening Content Here’s How Tightening Content • Delete repeated information in your sentences. • Provide reasons, facts, or examples to support your opinions. • Delete or reduce unnecessary words and • phrases.

Improving Stringy Sentences In your draft, you may write a sentence that goes on for too long without showing that the ideas in the sentence are related.

Improving Stringy Sentences Here’s How Revising Stringy Sentences • First, separate the sentence into a list of the ideas it contains. • Next, identify the relationships between ideas. • Decide which ideas should be combined and which should stand alone. • Choose the transition words you will use to show the relationship between ideas. • Rewrite the stringy sentence as two or more shorter sentences.

Reducing Overloaded Sentences Sometimes you may overload a sentence with too many descriptive words. Instead of helping readers understand an idea, this heap of modifiers actually distracts readers’ attention from the idea.

Reducing Overloaded Sentences Here’s How Revising Overloaded Sentences • Begin by getting rid of unnecessary modifiers, but keep enough to make your writing clear and interesting. • Divide the sentence into the individual ideas it contains. • Rewrite the sentence as two or more sentences, using transitions to connect ideas.

Reducing Overloaded Sentences To identify problem sentences, read your writing aloud. If your reading sounds choppy, or if you need several breaths before you finish one sentence, you probably need to revise the sentences.

Practice and Apply Add a reason or fact to the following sentence. 1. Everyone should know how to repair a car.

Practice and Apply Eliminate unnecessary words from the following sentence. 2. Just because of the fact that you are a teenager doesn’t mean you can’t also fix a car.

Practice and Apply Rewrite this stringy sentence. 3. I am taking a class in car repair and Mr. Goforth is our teacher and he used to be a mechanic so he really knows a lot about repairing cars and he told the class today to check the car’s oil level frequently and he told us that we should always check the other fluids too.

Revising Sentences Combining Whole Sentences Combining Sentence Parts Who, That, and Which Practice and Apply

Combining Whole Sentences Use a coordinating conjunction, such as and, or but, to combine sentences that contain similar or contrasting ideas.

Combining Whole Sentences STUDENT MODEL DRAFT REVISION Robert Frost was an American poet. Ted Hughes was a British poet. Robert Frost was an American poet, and Ted Hughes was a British poet.

Combining Whole Sentences Use the conjunction that correctly shows the relationship between your ideas. Coordinating Conjunctions To combine similar ideas and, so, for To combine contrasting ideas but, yet To combine ideas that express choice or, nor

Combining Whole Sentences Insert a comma before the coordinating conjunction when you are combining whole sentences.

Combining Whole Sentences Use a subordinating conjunction, such as because, to turn one of two sentences into a subordinate clause.

Combining Whole Sentences STUDENT MODEL DRAFT REVISION Julia read the book twice. She really liked it. Julia read the book twice because she really liked it.

Combining Whole Sentences Subordinating Conjunctions Time or sequence when, after, before, until, while, as long as Cause and effect because, since Condition although, unless, if, whether (or not)

Combining Sentence Parts Two sentences may share the same subject or the same verb. Combine the sentences by using a coordinating conjunction to create a compound subject or a compound predicate.

Combining Sentence Parts When combining subjects, make sure the verb agrees in number with the new compound subject.

Who, That, and Which You can also combine sentences with who, that, and which. These words are used to introduce subordinate clauses that give additional details about people or things.

Who, That, and Which Use the word who to add details that refer to a person. Use that or which to add details about a thing.

Who, That, and Which The word which is used to add nonessential details. Set off these details with commas. which The Peanuts comic strip, , which originally was called Li’l Folks, was created by Charles Schulz.

Who, That, and Which The word that is used to add essential details, so no commas are needed. This is the comic strip that tells about the lives of Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and their friends.

Practice and Apply Combine the following sentences using and. 4. This book explains how to repair a car. It also lists the tools you need.

Practice and Apply Combine the following sentences using until. 5. Most people don’t check their car’s oil. The warning light comes on.

Practice and Apply Combine the following sentences using who. 6. Mr. Goforth teaches a class in basic car repair. He used to work as a mechanic.

Practice and Apply Combine the following sentences using that. 7. Know Your Car is a useful manual. It shows how to make basic car repairs.

Revising Sentences Creating Sentence Variety Varying Sentence Beginnings Varying Sentence Structure

Varying Sentence Beginnings The paragraphs you write may contain interesting information, but readers will be bored if all your sentences have the same structure.

Varying Sentence Beginnings You can vary your sentence beginnings by usingle-word modifiers (adjectives, adverbs, and participles), phrases, and subordinate clauses.

Varying Sentence Beginnings Single-word modifier Often, he told his wife about interesting on-the-job experiences. Phrase For 25 years James Herriot was a veterinarian. Subordinate clause Because his wife enjoyed his stories, he promised to write a book about them.

Varying Sentence Structure Add variety to your writing by using simple, compound, and complex sentences.

Varying Sentence Structure There are several sentence types to help you create longer and more interesting sentence structures.

Varying Sentence Structure Sentence Types Simple sentence one independent clause Compound sentence two or more independent clauses Complex sentence an independent clause and one or more subordinate clauses Compoundcomplex sentence two or more independent clauses and one or more subordinate clauses