Jay Leno James Douglas Muir Jay Leno is

Jay Leno James Douglas Muir "Jay" Leno is an American stand-up comedian, television host and writer who succeeded Johnny Carson as host of The Tonight Show in 1992. Leno will continue to host The Tonight Show until May 29, 2009; Late Night host Conan more. .

“ Jay Leno: A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. […] At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time. #Politics

“ Jay Leno: The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. #Cities and City Life

“ Jay Leno: How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak? #Alienation

“ Jay Leno: Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference. #Politics

“ Jay Leno: 106 [degrees] in the valley… I was sweating like Dan Rather checking forged documents. #Media

“ Jay Leno: If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. #Elections

“ Jay Leno: How many of you watched the vice presidential debate expecting Sarah Palin to screw up? Be honest. #Misers and Misery

“ Jay Leno: Women will soon be able to make their own sperm using their own bone marrow. Is that unbelievable? How unfair is that for us guys, huh? I mean, all these years, we've been in charge of manufacturing and distribution, you know what I'm saying? We provide free delivery and installation… #Politics

“ Jay Leno: I was in the ROTC. Of course, ROTC stood for "Running off to Canada". #Nations

“ Jay Leno: Well, there's nothing funnier to me than the French. The French Resistance is probably the biggest mythical joke that ever existed. There were four guys in the French Resistance. They couldn't hand over the Jewish people fast enough. Oh, please, don't tell me about the French. The French have all sorts of secret deals with Saddam and everybody else for two cents a liter. It's an easy target. #Defense

“ Jay Leno: I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking. #Autumn

“ Jay Leno: Afterwards, President Bush said, "Maliki is the right man for the job. " Just to remind you, Bush also said FEMA's Michael Brown was the right man for the job, Donald Rumsfeld was the right man for the job, Tom De. Lay was the right man for the job… which would be okay if Bush was the right man for the job. #Debt

“ Jay Leno: How many watched the President's speech last night? [half-hearted audience applause] How many watched American Idol? [thundering applause] Okay, there you go! You get the government you deserve. #Government

“ Jay Leno: No, they said they do not believe in evolution, then they said the biggest threat to America: religious radicals living in the Dark Ages. #Evolution

“ Jay Leno: So China's president [Hu Jintao] meets, uh— meets America's president. It's like President "Who? " meeting President "Huh? ". #Politics

“ Jay Leno: The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. #Congress

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