INTRODUCTION TO VERBAL JUDO FOUNDED BY GEORGE J

INTRODUCTION TO VERBAL JUDO FOUNDED BY GEORGE J THOMPSON PRESENTED BY FRANK OWENS Presented with permission from the Verbal Judo Institute

CLASS OBJECTIVES • DEFINE VERBAL JUDO • WHAT CAN VERBAL JUDO DO FOR YOU? • IDENTIFY THE FIVE UNIVERSAL TRUTHS THAT VERBAL JUDO IS BASED ON. • HOW TO TAKE CRAP WITH DIGNITY AND STYLE. • IDENTIFY THE THREE TYPES OF PEOPLE IN CONVERSATIONS. • EMPATHY VS. SYMPATHY • THE POWER OF PARAPHRASING • THE 11 PHRASES NEVER TO USE AND HOW TO HANDLE THEM. • EFFECTIVE WORDS AND PHRASES.

DR. GEORGE J. THOMPSON • FOUNDER OF VERBAL JUDO • OFFICER WITH EMPORIA POLICE DEPARTMENT • RECEIVED MASTERS AND DOCTORATE FROM UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT • POST-DOCTORAL WORK AT PRINCETON. • TRAINED MORE THAN ONE MILLIONLEOS • ACHIEVED 2 ND DAN IN JUDO • PASSED AWAY IN 2011

WHAT IS VERBAL JUDO? • IN JAPANESE JU=GENTLE DO=WAY JUDO=THE GENTLE WAY • VERBAL-RELATINGTO OR IN THE FORM OF WORDS. • JUDO-A SPORT OF UNARMED COMBAT DERIVED FROM JUJITSU AND INTENDED TO TRAIN THE BODY AND MIND. IT INVOLVES USING HOLDS AND LEVERAGE TO UNBALANCE THE OPPONENT. • DR. THOMPSON OBSERVED THAT THERE WERE MANY SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE ART OF CONVERSATION AND THE ART OF DEFENSE AND CREATED A COMMUNICATION METHOD THAT HAS HELPED THOUSANDS OF OFFICERS COMMUNICATE BETTER.

FIVE UNIVERSAL TRUTHS • ALL PEOPLE WANT TO BE TREATED WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT. • ALL PEOPLE WANT TO BE ASKED RATHER THAN TOLD TO DO SOMETHING. • ALL PEOPLE WANT TO BE INFORMED AS TO WHY THEY ARE BEING ASKED OR ORDERED TO DO SOMETHING. • ALL PEOPLE WANT TO BE GIVEN OPTIONS RATHER THAN THREATS. • ALL PEOPLE WANT A SECOND CHANCE WHEN THEY MAKE A MISTAKE. • INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON HOW PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT, WE SHOULD FOCUS ON HOW THEY ARE THE SAME.

WHAT CAN VERBAL JUDO DO FOR YOU? • 1) DEVELOP IN YOU HABITS OF THINKING AND ACTING. • 2) TEACH YOU TO RESPONDNOT , REACT. • • •

GOALS OF VERBAL JUDO • 1) ENSURE YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY. 98% OF ALL ASSAULTS ON LEOS HAD CONVERSATION PRIOR TO THE ASSAULT. • 2) ENHANCE YOUR PROFESSIONALISM. AGENCIES ACTIVELY TRAINING AND USING VERBAL JUDO HAVE SEEN A REDUCTION IN CITIZEN COMPLAINTS AS HIGH AS 80%. • 3) INCREASE YOUR EFFICIENCY BY IMPROVING YOUR PERFORMANCE LEVEL.

WHAT IS THE MOST DANGEROUS WEAPON ON THE STREET TODAY? • A COCKED TONGUE.

TAKING CRAP WITH DIGNITY…AND STYLE • “NEVER USE WORDS THAT RISE READILY TO YOUR LIPS, OR YOU’LL MAKE THE GREATEST SPEECH YOU’LL EVER LIVE TO REGRET. ” G - EORGE THOMPSON

TAKING CRAP WITH DIGNITY…AND STYLE • IN LAW ENFORCEMENT WE WILL DEAL WITH COUNTLESS PEOPLE THAT WANT TO ONE UP YOU, DON’T RESPECT YOU OR TRY TO OUTSMART YOU. HOW YOU DEAL WITH THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT YOU. • IF YOUR ANTAGONIST CAN UPSET YOU, HE OWNS YOU. • SCORING AN IMMEDIATE “VICTORY” WITH AN INSULT IS NOT AS IMPORTANT AS THE LONG TERM GOAL. • TALK WITH PEOPLE IN A WAY WHERE NEITHER OF YOU LOSES FACE. • USE PHRASES TO ESTABLISH EMPATHY. • USE PHRASES TO ESTABLISH CREDIBILITY. • REMEMBER AN ILL CONCEIVED PHRASE CAN STALL OR RUIN A CAREER. • IT’S NOT EASY! • BUT IT IS WORTH IT! • IN ORDER TO GET RESULTS IN A CONVERSATION YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO HUMBLE YOURSELF FOR SAKE OF THE WIN!

TAKING CRAP WITH DIGNITY…AND STYLE • STEP ONE: ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU WILL BE CRITICIZED • CRAP WILL BE FLUNG YOUR WAY. • ADMIT IT IS FLUNG AT YOU. • CONGRATULATE YOURSELF!!!! • THE ONLY WAY TO AVOID THIS HAPPENING IS TO PLAY IT SAFE AND LIVE IN A BUBBLET. HAT WILL NEVER GET YOU ANYWHERE.

BE MINDFUL…. . • OUR VOICE HAS FOUR ELEMENTS: • TONE-CONVEYS YOUR REAL MESSAGE • PACE-SPEED • PITCH-HOW HIGH, LOW, OR SOFT YOU SPEAK • MODULATION-YOUR RHYTHM AND INFLECTION • PROXIMICS IS IMPORTANT • WATCH THAT BODY LANGUAGE. IT CAN UNDO EVERYTHING YOU SAY. • FOR VERBAL JUDO TO WORK 90% IS DELIVERY AND LESS THAN 10% IS ACTUALLY WHAT IS SAID.

LEARN YOUR AUDIENCE • MANY HISPANICS ARE TAUGHT NOT TO LOOK SOMEONE IN THE EYE…IT IS SNOOPING INTO THEIR SOUL. • SOME NATIVE AMERICANS SEE A HANDSHAKE AS A SIGN OF DEFERENCE AND SEE A STRONG HANDSHAKE AS A SIGN OF AGGRESSION AND SUPERIORITY. • SOME ASIAN COUNTRIES BELIEVE SILENCE IS A STRONG SHOW OF RESPECT. • WHEN DEALING WITH SOME MIDDLE EASTERNERS STEPPING AWAY FROM THEM MAY BE TELLING THEM THAT THEY ARE UNWORTHY OF YOUR RESPECT. • IN THAI OR LAOTION HOMES YOU DO NOT STAND ON THE THRESHOLD AS THEY BELIEVE THE SPIRITS OF DEPARTED ANCESTORS RESIDE THERE AND THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO SLAP ANYONE STANDING THERE. • WITH AMERICA BECOMING MORE AND MORE DIVERSE HOW DO WE KEEP THIS ALL STRAIGHT? • ASK • “MAY I…” “DO YOU MIND IF I…” • HOW DO WE KEEP EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING STRAIGHT? IT IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. SO WE BREAK EVERYONE INTO THREE GROUPS.

THE THREE TYPES OF PEOPLE • 1) THE NICE PEOPLE • 2) THE DIFFICULT PEOPLE • 3) THE WIMPS

NICE PEOPLE • WILL DO WHAT YOU TELL THEM TO…USUALLY THE FIRST TIME. • DON’T COMPLAIN. • HAVE A HARD TIME SAYING NO. • THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR PROBLEM. • YOU STILL HAVE TO TREAT THEM WELL OR YOU WILL LOSE CREDIBILITY WITH THEM.

DEALING WITH NICE PEOPLE • TREAT THEM AS A PERSON. • SHOW YOU CARE.

DIFFICULT PEOPLE • WILL NEVER DO WHAT YOU ASK THE FIRST TIME. • PERSNICKETY. • EAGER TO ARGUE. • ARE CONSTANTLY ASKING, “WHY? ” • BUT HERE IS THE KEY. THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT WHY. THEY CARE ABOUT WHAT’S IN IT FOR THEM. • DIFFICULT PEOPLE BUILT THIS COUNTRY. WE HAVE TO ADOPT A CERTAIN MINDSET TO DEAL WITH THEM.

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE • CONTROL YOUR IRRITATION. • DON’T AVOID THEIR QUESTIONS…JUMP INTO THEM. • FIRST PRINCIPLE OF PHYSICAL JUDO…DO NOT RESIST YOUR OPPONENT. • THEY WILL USE FOUR QUESTIONS: • “WHY? ” • “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? ” • “WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR AUTHORITY? ” • “WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME? ” ---USUALLY FOCUS ON THIS • WHEN REMINDING THEM OF WHAT IS IN IT FOR THEM TRY POSITIVE THINGS BEFORE GOING NEGATIVE. • ACCEPT THEM. I AM ONE.

WIMPS • THE TOUGHEST BIRD TO CRACK. THEY SOUND LIKE A NICE PERSON BUT ARE CLOSEST TO DIFFICULT PEOPLE. • WILL BE NICE TO YOUR FACE BUT BEHIND YOUR BACK IS ANOTHER STORY. • THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT WILL FILE COMPLAINTS, HIRE ATTORNEYS, ACT LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE IN A RELATIONSHIP…. . ETC. • THEY DO NOT LIKE AUTHORITY. • HATE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO. • DON’T HAVE THE GUTS TO CHALLENGE YOU OPENLY. • WILL OFTEN BE THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM. • SNIPE FROM THE CORNER. • MAKE COMMENTS JUST BARELY LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD.

DEALING WITH WIMPS • STRIP THEM OF THEIR CAMOUFLAGE (CONFRONT THEM). • MANY THINK IT IS BEST TO IGNORE THEM BUT IGNORING IS A FORM OF RESISTANCER. EMEMBER WE DO NOT WANT TO RESIST. • “EXCUSE ME. WHAT DID YOU SAY? ” P“ LEASE TELL ME SO I CAN SPEAK TO IT. ” • BY DOING THIS YOU HAVE PUT THEM IN A SPOT TO EITHER MAKE A LEGITIMATE POINT, ASK A QUESTION, OR SHUT UP. EITHER WAY YOU WIN. • IN PUBLIC YOU WANT THEM TO SAVE FACE. IN PRIVATE YOU MAY EVEN BE MORE DIRECT… • “II UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE DOINGIF. YOU CONTINUE THIS WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM. I WON’T PUT UP WITH THIS. ” • WIMPS DO NOT LIKE EXPOSURE.

KNOW WHEN TO TAKE LEAPS DURING A CONVERSATION: • LISTEN-THE APPEARANCE OF LISTENING IS CRUCIAL, WATCH YOUR EYES! • EMPATHIZE- YOU DON’T NEED TO AGREE…. JUST SEE. • ASK-FACT FINDING WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY, AND HOW • PARAPHRASE-SHOWS THEM YOU HAVE LISTENED • SUMMARIZE-BE BRIEF, CONCISE, AND INARGUABLE.

THE MOST POWERFUL WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. • EMPATHY IS NOT SYMPATHY. • YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE A PERSON, AGREE WITH THEM OR APPROVE OF THEM BUT YOU WILL NOT FAIR WELL IN GETTING COMPLIANCE IF YOU CANNOT SEE FROM THEIR VIEW.

THE POWER OF PARAPHRASING • 1. BY PARAPHRASING YOU HAVE HOOKED THE OTHER PERSON • 2. NOW YOU ARE TALKING AND HE/SHE IS LISTENING. • 3. YOU ARE CLARIFYING WHAT THEY SAID TO ENSURE UNDERSTANDING. • 4. YOU HAVE FORCED THE OTHER PERSON TO BE A BETTER LISTENER BECAUSE PEOPLE LISTEN BEST TO THEIR OWN POINT OF VIEW. • 6. YOU HAVE CREATED EMPATHY. • 7. IT HAS A CLARIFYING EFFECT FOR ONLOOKERS. • 8. AVOIDS HAVING INACCURATE WORDS PUT IN YOUR MOUTH.

SUPERVISORS TAKING LEAPS • 1. ASK -ASK YOUR PEOPLE WHAT THEY FEEL, WANT OR THINK. • 2. LISTEN ACTIVELY REPEAT STEPS 1 AND 2 AS MANY TIMES AS NECESSARY • 3. REEVALUATE YOUR POSITION- BE SURE OF WHERE YOU STAND. DON’T CHANGE YOUR MIND UNLESS YOU BELIEVE IT IS RIGHT D. ON’T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE YOUR MIND. YOUR PEOPLE WILL ADMIRE YOU. • 4. DELIVER THE INFORMATION-DELIVER YOUR DECISIONY. OU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO REMIND THEM YOU ARE IN CHARGE.

FIVE STEP HARD STYLE FOR GAINING COMPLIANCE • 1. ASK (ETHICAL APPEAL) • 2. SET CONTEXT (REASONABLE APPEAL O)NE OF OUR COUNTRY’S GREAT URGES IS THE NEED TO KNOW. • 3. PRESENT OPTIONS (PERSONAL APPEAL) • 4. CONFIRM (PRACTICAL APPEAL) 5. ACT (DETERMINE APPROPRIATE ACTION)

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY SUGGESTION • “YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND” • “THIS MIGHT BE DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND. ” • SOUNDS INSULTING • “LET ME TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS. ” • ALMOST CAN HEAR THE WORD STUPID • “I HOPE I CAN EXPLAIN THIS. ”

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “COME HERE. ” • ACTUALLY IS HEARD AS RUN LIKE HELL. SUGGESTION • “EXCUSE ME, BUT I NEED TO CHAT WITH YOU FOR A SECOND. ” • VAGUELY THREATENING. • “COULD I CHAT WITH YOU FOR A SECOND? ”

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT? ” SUGGESTION • WORK TOWARDS A SOLUTION. • FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP. • “I’M SORRY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU OR RECOMMEND. I WISH I DID. I’D LIKE TO HELP BUT I CAN’T. ” • MAKE SURE YOUR TONE IS CONCERNED AND NOT • EVASION OF RESPONSIBILITY-COP OUT • CREATES A SECOND PROBLEM. THE INITIAL ONE AND THE ONE YOU JUST CREATED TO AVOID THE RESPONSIBILITY. SARCASTIC

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY SUGGESTION • “CALM DOWN. ” • “IT’S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT. ” • DOES NOT WORK • “TALK TO ME. ” • MANY TIMES MAKES PEOPLE MORE UPSET. • SOUNDS CRITICAL, LIKE THEY DON’T HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET. • “PLEASE FOCUS” • “WHAT’S THE TROUBLE? ”

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES. ” • SOUNDS INSENSITIVE • MORE CONCERNED WITH YOUR OWN AUTHORITY. • ALSO SOUNDS LIKE YOU MAY NOT KNOW YOURSELF. SUGGESTION • EXPLAIN THE BENEFITS OF THE RULES OR WHY THE RULE WAS CREATED.

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “IT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. ” • ANGERS PEOPLE • MAKES THEM FEEL LIKE OUTSIDERS • MAKES IT SEEM LIKE YOU CAN NOT SUPPORT YOUR POSITION. SUGGESTION • “THE PARTIES INVOLVED WOULD NOT WANT ME TO SAY ANYTHING AND I WANT TO HONOR THAT. ” • “I AM NOT AT LIBERTY TO DISCUSS THAT. ” • “I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO SHARE THAT AT THIS POINT. ”

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM? ” SUGGESTION • “WHAT’S THE MATTER? ” • “HOW CAN I HELP YOU? ” • SNOTTY • TURNS A PROBLEM BACK ON THEM • MAKES IT YOU VS. ME. • ELICITS A DEFENSIVE REACTION. • MAY INSINUATE THAT THEY HAVE FAILED SOMEHOW. • “CAN I BE OF ASSISTANCE? ”

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “YOU NEVER…. ” Y “ OU ALWAYS…. ” • ABSOLUTES ARE LIES. • INDICATE YOU HAVE LOST PERSPECTIVE. • INVITES THE OTHER TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN INSTANCE TO PROVE YOU WRONG. SUGGESTION • PUT THE BURDEN ON YOURSELF IN A WAY THAT SEEMS AS IF YOU ARE SEEKING THEIR HELP. • “WHEN YOU ARE LATE WITHOUT CALLING IT CREATES PROBLEMS FOR ME SUCH AS…. CAN YOU HELP ME RESOLVE THIS? ”

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “I’M NOT GOING TO SAY THIS AGAIN. ” SUGGESTION • “IT’S IMPORTANT YOU UNDERSTAND THIS, SO LET ME SAY IT AGAIN AND LISTEN CAREFULLY. ” • ALMOST ALWAYS A LIE. • INVITES CHALLENGE. • PINS YOU DOWN TO ACTION WHEN YOU MAY NOT BE READY TO TAKE ACTION. • IF YOU ARE READY TO ACT THIS COULD TIP OFF YOUR ADVERSARY.

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “I’M DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. ” • NO ONE BELIEVES THIS. SUGGESTION • SHOW THEM HOW IT IS FOR THEIR OWN GOOD. • “IF YOU COME WITH ME NOW AND GIVE ME NO PROBLEMS YOU CAN BE OUT BEFORE WORK TOMORROW. ” • INSTANT CYNICISM. • “WE DON’T WANT TO UPSET THEIR CHILDREN. LET THEM SEE THEIR DAD BEING COOPERATIVE WITH THE POLICE RATHER THAN SEEING DAD POSSIBLY GET HURT. ”

11 THINGS NEVER TO SAY TO ANYONE…. AND HOW TO RESPOND TO THEM. DON’T SAY • “WHY DON’T YOU BE REASONABLE? ” • INVITING CONFLICT. SUGGESTION • “ LET ME SEE IFI UNDERSTAND YOUR POSITION. ” • THAN PARAPHRASE THEIR OWN WORDS. • ABSORBS THEIR TENSION. • GIVES THEM THE VIEW THAT YOU ARE LISTENING NOT JUST DEMANDING.

EFFECTIVE WORDS AND PHRASES • I APPRECIATE THAT • SIR OR MAAM • I UNDERSTAND…. . • LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND THIS CORRECTLY • PLEASE ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN…… • THANK YOU…. • SUMMARIZE WHAT THE OTHER PERSON SAID…. THIS LET’S THEM NOW YOU WERE LISTENING. • MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT • WATCH BODY POSTURE • SHOW THEM WHAT IS IN IT FOR THEM…EVEN NEGATIVES CAN BE TURNED POSITIVE.

QUESTIONS? ? ?