Interpersonal Communication Love Styles Attachment Styles Standpoint Theory

Interpersonal Communication Love Styles Attachment Styles Standpoint Theory Perception

Interpersonal Comm. Defined l. A distinct type of communication which emphasizes quality, or character, of interaction l Emphasizes what happens between people, not where or how many are present – – Gain information Understand context Establish identity Fulfill needs

Love Styles l Category of behavior which indicates how one communicates within romantic relationships

Eros Powerful, passionate, and romantic love. Intense love that may include sexual, spiritual, intellectual, or emotional attraction. l Fastest moving love style (early selfdisclosure, fall in love fast) l The most intuitive and spontaneous love style. l Men are a little bit more likely than women to be erotic lovers. l l

Storge l Comfortable, even-keeled kind of love l Based on friendship l Grows gradually, usually out of common interests, values, and life goals l Very peaceful and stable

Ludus l Playful Love l See love as a game l Commitment is NOT the goal l Like to play the field and enjoy falling in love l Many people employ a ludic love style after ending a long-term relationship l Men are more likely to be ludic lovers

Pragma l Practical Love l Blends the strategies of ludus with the stability and security of storge l Maintain criteria for lovers: such as religious affiliation, career, and family background l Practical considerations are the foundation of enduring commitments

Mania Manic lovers have the passion of eros, but they play by ludic rules l A combination that can have upsetting results l Typically unsure others really love them, manics may devise tests and games to evaluate a partner’s commitment. l A dramatic love, with extreme highs and lows l

Agape l l l A blend of storge and eros Comes from St. Paul’s admonition that we should love others without expectation of personal gain or return A generous and selfless love Feel the intense passion of eros, and the consistency of storge Loving and giving to another is its own reward Almost no one is purely agapic, but many people have agapic tendencies

Styles Storge Agape generous selfless friendship stable of Love Eros passionate sudden Mania Pragma practical Ludus playful dependent on others

Understanding Love Styles l Most people blend styles l Partner’s style may influence our style l No style is intrinsically good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. l Love styles change over time

Attachment Styles l Determined by a child’s relationship with his/her parents l Developed early in life and affects adult relationships

Secure Attachment Style l l l The most positive attachment style Develops from consistent, loving caregiver responses to child Secures tend to be outgoing, affectionate, and have a stable self-esteem Security allows them to engage in intimacy and develop valuable relationships Not dependent on others for their sense of self-worth

Fearful Develops when caregivers communicate in negative, rejecting, or even abusive ways to the child l Fearfuls feels they are unworthy of love, and that others are not loving l See themselves as unlovable, and others as rejecting l Tend to be apprehensive about relationships, and often feel insecure when they are involved with relationships l

Dismissive l l l Promoted by caregivers who are disinterested, rejecting, or abusive toward children Dismissives, however, do not accept the caregiver’s view of them as unlovable. But they typically dismiss others as unworthy of love Develop a positive self-view, and a negative view of others Maintain a defensive view of relationships, and regard them as unnecessary or undesirable

l l l Anxious/Ambivalent The most complex attachment style Fostered by inconsistent and unpredictable treatment by caregivers Sometimes the caregiver is loving and attentive, and other times they are indifferent or rejecting Because children tend to assume adults are always right, they believe they are the source of any problem-that they are unlovable or deserve others’ abuse Tend to be inconsistent in their own relationships. One day they invite affection; the next day they rebuff it and deny needing or wanting closeness

Attachment Styles Positive View of Self Negative View of Self Positive View of others Secure Anxious/Ambivalent Negative View of Others Dismissive Fearful

Standpoint Theory l Point of view shaped by material, social, and symbolic conditions common to a group (Harding, 1991). l Determined by placement within culture l Affects perception & communication within relationships