Inside the Mind of a Gifted Perfectionist I

Inside the Mind of a Gifted Perfectionist “I have to do it perfectly!” Carrie Mc. Millen

“I have offended God and mankind because my work didn’t reach the quality it should have. ” -Leonardo Di Vinci

PERFECTIONISM a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable; especially : the setting of unrealistically demanding goals accompanied by a disposition to regard failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness -http: //www. merriam-webster. com/medical/perfectionism

Are YOU a perfectionist? I want everyone to like me. If I don’t do that, everyone will be disappointed. I started it, so I have to finish it.

Types of Perfectionists o. Self-oriented perfectionists – set high personal goals for themselves. o. Society-prescribed perfectionists – believe that others have set high standards for them that they must live up to. o. Other-oriented perfectionists – impose high standards on others in his/her life that the person is expected to live up to.

Perfectionism vs. Pursuit of Excellence Perfectionism Pursuit of Excellence Thinking less of yourself for getting a B instead of an A Thinking more of yourself for trying something new Being hard on yourself because you aren’t talented in every sport Choosing things you’re good at and also doing things just for fun Criticizing yourself for losing the student council election Congratulating yourself for being nominated and working hard to campaign, and deciding to run again next year! “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing. ” -Harriet Braiker

Healthy Perfectionists Need order and organization Unhealthy Perfectionists Extremely high standards Self acceptance of mistakes Have anxiety about making mistakes Positive coping strategies Lack coping strategies View effort as important Need constant approval High parental expectations Perceived excessive expectations/criticism from others Question one’s own judgment

What’s so bad about being PERFECT? Perfectionists often… o Experience anxiety, depression, and feelings of hopelessness. o. Have stress induced health problems o. Have problems with relationships o. Are afraid of making mistakes and taking risks o Procrastinate or avoid doing their work o Feel that self-worth depends on performance o Cannot be satisfied

More serious problems…. Students who commit suicide tend to have: o above-average intelligence o extremely high expectations for themselves and others o a hard time accepting failure and loss What group is most likely to have those characteristics? Gifted perfectionist teens!

Causes of Perfectionism There are several ideas Erikson said that students will become workaholics if they are only praised for their accomplishments and not their personal qualities. Parents often push their children, especially first born children, to do things early to stimulate intelligence. Pushing students to excel and focusing on their performance creates students who are afraid to take risks because they fear not getting approval.

Early successes fuel the student’s desire to be perfect. May be related to authoritarian parenting, unquestioning obedience, and punitive discipline. Gifted students believe they should never be less than perfect and set high, often unreachable goals. Students become dependent on external praise.

Some thoughts from Perfectionist students… “Living up to be gifted can be a problem at school. I wish teachers would realize that just because you’re gifted doesn’t mean you’re smart in every subject. ” – Charles, age 14 “The other kids in my class put me down for being smart. They call me “Einstein” and act shocked if I don’t get the highest score on a test. ” -Jason, age 14 “My geometry teacher knows I get straight A’s in my other classes. He’s always saying things like, “I know you can do better in this class. I don’t think you’re trying hard enough. ” -Kimberly, age 15

Parents and Teachers… DON’T say… o. What’s wrong with you? Why did you make this one B? Aren’t you gifted? o. We want you to get All A’s. o. Always finish what you start! DO SAY… o. Do the best you can! o. You win some, you lose some. o. Better luck next time! o. Live for today and don’t worry about tomorrow! o. Great effort!

Ways to Overcome Perfectionism Parents and teachers can help students…. o. Focus on and celebrate successes o. Plan reasonable goals o. Make reasonable commitments o. Be surrounded by positive people o. Learn relaxation strategies o Practice making mistakes and dealing with those feelings o. Learn from mistakes!

What do these people have in common? o. Louisa May Alcott o. Walt Disney o. Steve Jobs o. Michael Jordan o. John F. Kennedy, Jr. o. Marilyn Monroe THEY ALL MADE MISTAKES! BUT…they learned from their mistakes, took risks, and never gave up!

“Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement. ” –Henry Ford o. Cheese o. Chocolate Chip Cookies o. Coca-Cola o. Penicillin o. Post-it Notes o. Silly Putty “Accident is the greatest inventor who ever lived. ” – Mark Twain

It’s ok to make mistakes! “It was when I stopped trying to do everything right that I started doing things well. ” -Janet, 15 “Suddenly I had time and energy left over for other things that were important to me. ” -Max, 13 “It’s great not to have to be the perfect student, perfect daughter, perfect sister, and perfect friend. I can just be myself – and people like me anyway. ” -Talia, 16

REFERENCES Adderholdt, M. , & Goldberg, J. (1999). Perfectionism: what's bad about being too good? . Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing. Clark, B. (2013). Supporting socio-emotional growth of gifted learners. Growing up gifted. (8 th ed. ). (pp. 99102). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson. Galbraith, J. , & Delisle, J. (1996). The gifted kids' survival guide. (pp. 70 -79). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing. Perfectionism. (2012). Merriam-Webster. Retrieved from http: //www. merriam-webster. com/medical/perfectionism