Influencing Others Introduction Think about a very influential

Influencing Others

Introduction Think about a very influential person? How do they influence others? Why is it effective? Be prepared to answer as part of your introduction

Objectives Discuss what influencing is and what it is not Develop skills to better connect with others Assess the needs of others Use this knowledge to develop persuasive presentations

Influencing model Present Persuasively Assess Their Needs Develop Connections

Develop connections Discuss how relationships develop Assess basic personality through the MBTI Review communications style model Discuss impacts on relationships

Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model Initiation – ◦ Very short - 10 -15 seconds. ◦ Interactants concerned with making favorable impressions on each other ◦ Use standard greetings ◦ Observe each other’s appearance or mannerisms What do we commonly call this stage?

Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model Experimenting – ◦ Individuals ask questions of each other ◦ Gain information ◦ Decide if they wish to continue the relationship Many relationships progress no further than this point

Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model Intensifying – ◦ Self-disclosure ◦ Are you like me ◦ Relationship becomes less formal ◦ Begin to see each other as individuals ◦ Make statements regarding continuing the relationship

Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model Integrating – ◦ Individuals become a pair ◦ Begin to do things together ◦ Others come to see them as a pair ◦ A shared relational identity starts to form

Knapp’s Relationship Escalation Model Bonding – ◦ Formal, sometimes legal, announcement of the relationship is made ◦ Examples include a marriage, “best friend” ritual, or business partnership agreement Few relationships reach this level

Personal perception People view things, people, situations differently because of everything that has ever happened in their life Different experiences cause different perspectives and behaviors

Individual exercise Fill out the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Score the assessment

Reading the scales E/I = Extrovert/Introvert – where you focus your attention and get your energy S/N = Sensing/Intuitive – how you take in information T/F = Thinking/Feeling – how you make decisions J/P = Judging/Perception – how you organize your world

Introverts/Extroverts Introverts Extroverts Energy Directed inward towards concepts and ideas Directed outward toward people, things and ideas Focus Wants to understand the world Wants to change the world Attitude Reserved and questioning, subtle and impenetrable Relaxed and confident, accessible and understandable Orientation Fore-thinkers After-thinkers Work Quiet and concentrated, environment prefers to be alone, think in head Varied and action-oriented, prefers to be around others, think out loud

Introvert vs. extrovert Likes quiet and private space for concentration Likes to think before they act Find phone calls intrusive when concentrating on a task Develops ideas through reflection Likes working by themselves or occasionally in small groups Likes participating actively in a variety of tasks Act quickly, sometimes without thinking Find phone calls a welcome diversion when working on a task Develops ideas by discussing them with others Likes having people around and working on teams

Intuitive/Sensing Intuitive Sensing Mode of perception “sixth sense” – possibilities Five senses - experience Focus Patterns, expectation and future achievement, abstract Details, practicality, reality, innovation, present enjoyment, concrete, important facts Orientation Change, rearrange life Live life as it is Work Prefers adding new skills, environment looks at the “big picture”, and is patient with complexity Prefers using learned skills, pays attention to details, and makes few factual errors

Intuition vs. sensing Likes solving new, complex problems Enjoys the challenge of learning something new Seldom ignores insights but may overlook facts Likes to do things with an innovative bent Prefer change, sometimes radical, to continuation of what is Likes using experience and standard ways to solve problems Enjoys applying skills already perfected Seldom makes errors of fact, but may ignore inspirations Likes to do things with a practical bent Prefers continuation of what is, with fine tuning

Question When making a “buying” decision, what part of the process takes place in the person’s subconscious mind? ◦ 55% ◦ 65% ◦ 75% ◦ 85% ◦ 95%

Thinking/Feeling Focus Thinking Feeling Logic of a situation, things, truth and principles Human values and needs, people, tact and harmony Work Brief and business-like, environment impersonal and treats others fairly Naturally friendly and personal, treats others as they need to be treated Contribution to society Loyal, supportive, shows care and concern for others, enthusiastic Intellectual, critical of exposure of wrongs and solutions to problems

Thinking vs. feeling Uses logical analysis to reach conclusions Can work without harmony, concentrating instead on the task Upsets people inadvertently by overlooking their emotions Tends to be firm-minded and ready to offer critiques Looks at the principles involved in the situation Wants recognition after meeting or exceeding tasks Uses values to reach conclusions Works best in harmony with others, concentrating on the people Enjoys meeting people’s needs, even in small matters Lets decision be influences by their own and other people’s likes and dislikes Looks at the underlying values in the situation Wants appreciation throughout the process of working on a task

Question When clients and customers tell researchers what they love about their favorite salesperson, which quality does not make the list? ◦ Dependability ◦ Sincerity ◦ Product knowledge ◦ Keeps his/her promises ◦ Friendly

Judging/Perception Attitude Judging Perception Decisive, planful, likes to be right, energized by closure, self-regimented and purposeful Curious, spontaneous, misses nothing, flexible, adaptable and tolerant, energized by last minute changes Work Focus on completing tasks, environment making decisions quickly, and wants only the essentials of the job, do best job by planning Focus on starting a task, postpones decisions, and wants to find out all about the job, do best work last minute

Judging vs. perceiving Works best when they can plan their work and work their plan Enjoys organizing and finishing tasks Keeps the focus on what needs to be completed, ignoring other things that come up Feels more comfortable once a decision has been made Decides quickly in their desire for closure Seeks structure and schedules Uses lists to prompt action on specific tasks Wants flexibility in their work Enjoys starting tasks and leaving them open for last-minute changes Wants to include as much as possible, thus deferring needed tasks Feels comfortable staying open to experiences, not wanting to miss anything Postpones decisions because of a search for options Adapts to changing situations and feels restricted with too much structure

Question When trying to persuade, what percentage of individuals give up after two attempts? ◦ 40% ◦ 48% ◦ 73% ◦ 85% ◦ 90%

Exercise Think about a person you need to influence ◦ Are they introverted or extroverted? ◦ Are the intuitive or sensing? ◦ Are they thinking or feeling? ◦ Are they perceptive or judging? Are you similar or different? How could you modify your behavior to increase effective communication?

What is empathy?

Improving empathy Increase your awareness of your inner emotional states Why? ◦ It's easier to recognize feelings in others when you're familiar with feelings within yourself

Improving empathy Improve your recognition of similarities between yourself and others Why? ◦ Your empathy for another person depends, in part, on your seeing yourself as similar to that person

Improving empathy Teach yourself to pay attention to the emotional states within others How? ◦ Table – list as many ideas as you can

Developing trust Do what you say you will do Listen to people carefully and tell them what you think they are saying (reflective listening) Understand what matters to people and work hard to protect whatever is related to that

Developing trust Share yourself honestly Ask for feedback and thank others when they do Don’t push others to trust you more than you trust them

Developing trust Try extending your trust of others a little further Don’t confuse being trustworthy with being a buddy Don’t be surprised if your trust-building project is viewed a bit suspiciously Tell the truth

Handling baggage If old lies or untrustworthy acts of the past have created baggage – the remedy is truth and trustworthy actions If people have been treated badly in the past – the remedy is respect, dignity and fairness If concerns have been disregarded in the past – the remedy is listening and understanding

Influencing model Present Persuasively Assess Their Needs Develop Connections

Assess their needs Listen and question

Time for a game! Listen to the paragraph Listen to and answer ten questions ◦ Number paper 1 -10 ◦ Mark question “T” if definitely true ◦ Mark question “F” if definitely false ◦ Mark question “? ” if the question could be either true or false

Types of listening Passive listening ◦ Letting the sound flow over you ◦ Least productive type of listening Selective listening ◦ Listening to only part of the message ◦ Hearing what you want to hear

Types of listening Active listening ◦ Purposefully paying attention ◦ Trying to internalize what is being said Reflective listening ◦ Identifying the meaning behind words/body language ◦ Reflect meaning back to the speaker ◦ Empathetic listening

Five steps to better listening Step 1: Listen to the content ◦ Words, fact, figures, ideas and the logic they convey ◦ Words comprise only about 7 percent of the message, in business, those words are the core of the message ◦ If you do not understand a word, acronym, etc. , ask for clarification

Five steps to better listening Step 2: Listen to the intent ◦ If you know the speaker – this is easier ◦ Balance the content, nonverbal communication and the speaker’s background and bias or position he/she may have regarding the subject ◦ Listen for the “why” of the message rather than the “what” ◦ Use your intellect – not your emotions

Five steps to better listening Step 3: Assess the speaker’s nonverbal communication ◦ Listen for the “how” of what was said ◦ Remember 55 percent of communication is body language and another 38 percent is tone of voice

Five steps to better listening Step 4: Monitor your nonverbal communication and filters ◦ Send verbal cues that you are listening ◦ Mirror and blend ◦ Communicate through your body language that you are listening ◦ Monitor your emotional filters and keep them under control

Five steps to better listening Step 5: Listen to the speaker empathically and non-judgmentally ◦ All the other steps are useless unless you follow this last step ◦ Empathetic or reflective listening shows that you care what the speaker is saying

Exercise Choose a topic ◦ Something that made you happy, angry, surprised, etc. ◦ Take turns listening Give signals that you are listening actively Listen for the message behind the words Ask clarifying questions Empathize with your listener

Suggestions for further improvement Listen for at least 15 minutes: without ◦ hijacking the conversation, interrupting or telling “your side/story” ◦ While asking questions to keep them talking Practice giving good signals that you are listening Ask questions to show interest

Influencing model Present Persuasively Assess Their Needs Develop Connections

Present persuasively Assess influencing skills Developing different ways to communicate

Another assessment Answer the ten questions as you truly believe you would act, not as you think you should act We will not share scores

Influence result Resistance – the other person opposes the requested action and tries to avoid carrying it out by refusing, arguing, delaying, or seeking to have the request nullified

Influence result Compliance - the other person carries out the requested action but is apathetic rather than enthusiastic, makes only a minimal or average effort, and does not show any initiative

Result of influence Commitment – The other person agrees internally with an action or decision, is enthusiastic about it and is likely to exercise initiative and demonstrate usual effort and persistence in order to carry out the request successfully

Influencing methods Rational persuasion (sell) ◦ Appealing to the other person’s feeling of loyalty, and using logical arguments and factual evidence to persuade the other person that proposals or requests are worthwhile ◦ May be influential in gaining compliance, but does not inspire commitment when people feel “sold”

Statistics on “Sell” Resistance – 34% Compliance – 33% Commitment – 33% Why do you think the results are so even?

Influencing methods Use of authority (push) ◦ Using demands or threats, enlisting the aid or endorsement of other people, or claiming authority based on organization policies/rules/traditions to influence the person to do what is wanted ◦ Can be very influential in short-term situations, but does not build long-term relationships. May lead to resistance when the “push” is not present

Statistics on “Push” Resistance – 51% Compliance – 34% Commitment – 2% Why do you think the results are so skewed?

Influencing methods Collaboration/consultation (join): ◦ Building the other person’s enthusiasm by appealing to his or her values, ideals, and/or aspirations. Seeing the other person’s participation in planning a strategy or being willing to modify a proposal to respond to the other person’s concerns ◦ Most influential in generating long-term commitment, almost never generates resistance

Statistics on “Join” Resistance – 9% Compliance – 18% Commitment – 73% Why do you think the results drop for the first two categories?

Question How would you tailor your presentation, discussion, collaboration efforts to each of personality types? ◦ introverted or extroverted? ◦ intuitive or sensing? ◦ thinking or feeling? ◦ perceptive or judging?

Definitions Manipulation is: ◦ using, abusing, intimidating, coercing, pressuring, bullying and brainwashing others Manipulation involves: ◦ no exchange of value

Definitions Influencing is: ◦ understanding the needs of others, understanding how others wish to be communicated with, open-honest communication Influencing involves: ◦ an exchange in value

Identify highly valued criteria Criteria are the filters on our point of view – the standards by which we measure ideas and experiences to determine if they are good or bad

Stories Mr. Lee The seminar location

High value criteria People will approach problems with different value criteria Recognizing the high value criteria will help you to tailor your presentations to be more persuasive

Speaking to be understood Monitor your tone of voice and body language: ◦ Mixed messages ◦ Voice not matching words and/or body language ◦ Confuse people and cause mistrust

As you know Body language 55 percent Tone of voice 38 percent Words 7 percent When sent mixed signals we believe the highest percent

State your positive intent upfront Tell them the purpose of your conversation before you start ◦ Story about two colleagues that were charged with getting along better (go for a walk, go for coffee) ◦ Story about the secretary and the time-log

Give them the benefit of the doubt When you tell someone that they are doing something wrong – they will get defensive When you start out by assuming (and stating) the best intention, you make it clear that your purpose is to help or build up the other person You let them know you are on their side

Present persuasively Organize your thoughts: Create and utilize an outline when making your presentation. By organizing in this fashion, you will be assuring that your argument is clear, concise, and well thought out

Present persuasively Present evidence: Examine which types of hard evidence, such as facts and figures, can support your assertions. Search out that information and include it in your presentation. Data that supports your argument may be valuable when attempting to influence others

Present persuasively Don’t be overly technical: Not everyone is influenced by facts and data. Develop practical, simple, non-technical examples to illustrate your point. It is important to convey your position in a fashion that is easily understood by your audience

Present persuasively Be persistent: If you experience resistance from an individual about an idea you have, take a day or two to reframe your argument or appeal. Think about a different way to present your same idea. Did you frame your argument to the “type of person” you are speaking with?

Present persuasively Empathize: When you have difficulty seeing the value of another person's point of view, try reversing sides and coming up with ideas that support that person's position. Use this insight to tailor your ideas to this individual's interests. Approach the individual a second time after having considered that person's position

Present persuasively Be prepared for objections: Anticipate how your audience will respond to your argument. Prepare for their possible criticism by having alternative supporting arguments since not every individual may have the same motivations. The use of multiple arguments will increase the likelihood of influencing your audience as they will not have the same style

Present persuasively Build support for your ideas: Practice less direct approaches when influencing others informally. This might include giving individuals a preview of a proposal and working behind the scenes to incorporate their ideas. By enlisting allies and support, you are lending credibility to your position and promoting a sense of shared responsibility

Present persuasively Know your audience: Learn about people and organizations outside of your usual area. Develop a deeper understanding of their informal organizational networks. Frequently ask colleagues about how things work beneath the surface and use this knowledge to tailor your ideas to the appropriate individuals

Present persuasively Power does matter: Pay close attention to the important stakeholders. Identify their motivations and individuals who exert influence over them. Devise your arguments to address their needs, but also enlist the support of those who influence them to assure success

Present persuasively Create networks: Create a network of select individuals that you can rely on to rally behind you and your ideas. Think ahead to identify who will be most important in supporting your ideas or initiatives and connect with them

Final exercise Group Review Develop your presentation why this section was the most important for personal success and increased influence Present to others

Influencing model Group Review Present Persuasively Assess Their Needs Develop Connections

Final Questions and Paperwork