i Contact vs Eye Contact How Social Media

i. Contact vs. Eye Contact How Social Media is Changing a Generation and How We Relate

Proverbs 3: 3 Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart.

Proverbs 7: 2 -3 keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.

Millennials Connected 92% on a social networking site 94% have cell phone 31 % of 8 -10 year olds Millennials spend nearly 2 hours a day texting alone (avg teen over 3000 texts/mo) 83% sleep with their phones next to them and turned on

i. Contact vs. Eye Contact i. Contact, when respected, can be used to build new and stronger connections with others When not respected, i. Contact is equally as destructive and disconnecting There is no substitution for face-to-face eye contact on brain and relationship development

i. Contact vs. Eye Contact i. Contact is for broadening connections; Eye contact is for deepening connections Empathy, or ability to feel connected to another’s pain, is developed through eye contact Self-centeredness, on the other hand, is more easily developed through i. Contact

Online Relationships Access to Wealth of Information Pro: More information; up to the minute Con: Information Overload Reasoned learning decreases Shallow thinking…leads to shallow living Dr. Nicholas Carr

Online Relationships “We’ve always had external sources of information that supplemented our memory, but it seems to me that the danger here is that if we, in effect, train our brains to forget rather than to remember you may still be able to find the individual bits of information when you need them, but what you lose is the personal associations that happen when you actually go through the process of remembering something. ” Dr. Nicholas Carr, Pulitzer Prize finalist; Dr. Gary Small, UCLA says parts of our brain really can stop functioning.

Online Relationships “Skimmers” Multitasking- “dumbing down” effect Studies at Stanford & Harvard

New Trends Attention span and recent social media shifts Waldorf Schooling

Online Relationships Allows you to connect with more people Pro: More people build social capital Con: Less quality of relationships; more social isolation; increase in loneliness Intimacy—digital vs. true Pro: Maintain relationships from afar / old friends Con: Expecting more from online relationships than they can give; can’t substitute electronic for physical

Online Relationships What is intimacy? Physiological benefits of laughing LOL vs. hearing people laugh (mirror neurons) ______ builds intimacy. Confrontation online or text Blocks negative emotional responses which creates illusion we’re doing no harm. Decrease in empathy

Online Relationships Social Media Contagion Effect John Cacippo, U of Chicago Con: loneliness transmitted via social networks Taken to online world, common courtesy and politeness is often missing; increase in social isolation Pro: As we become increasingly networked, it becomes more vital we monitor how we behave

Online Relationships 50% of 18 -29 y. o. first thing they do as soon as they wake is check Facebook Comparing with Others Narcissism Voyeurism > Self-Pity

Gaming “…the strength of the evidence linking media violence to youth aggression is stronger than the evidence linking lead poisoning with mental retardation and more definitive than the case linking secondhand smoke with cancer. ” – Hunter & Blair (2013)

Gaming “Research has associated exposure to media violence with a variety of physical and mental health problems for children and adolescents, including aggressive and violent behavior, bullying, desensitization to violence, fear, depression, nightmares and sleep disturbances. ” -The American Academy of Pediatrics

Education System (Taming) Fatherlessness & Divorce Psychotropic Meds (Wandering) Technology Gaming Social Media Multitasking Adrenaline Narcissism Loneliness Dumbing Down Reasoning Empathy Joshua Straub, Ph. D © 2013 Purposeless Generation (Numbing)

R. E. L. A. T. E Respect Emotional Control Limits Assertiveness Train the Brain Empathy

Respect q How is technology taking over your life? q Know your cell phone and what it can do (GPS locaters) q Become digitally savvy and know what Millennials are doing online q Keep abreast to new technologies (Verizon “family locater” builds a geo-fence) q Relationally…don’t judge your teen or Millennials…respect means… seek the underlying motivation behind their behavior. Golden Rule…

H. L. Mencken "Morality is doing what's right no matter what you're told. Obedience is doing what you're told no matter what's right. "

Emotional Control q Model. q Don't say anything on email you'd feel uncomfortable saying to someone in person q Don’t delay responses to messages you want to avoid q Be careful what you say (non-verbal communication is 93% / actual words 7%) q Be mindful of emotions and reactions q Do not compare to others

Limits q Model. q Set texting hours on teens’ cellphone q Put computer in family room q Set boundaries on time spent on social networks and in front of screens -No phones or screens after 8 pm -Sunday fast day -No phones at meals or when with others -No phone until after morning devotions -Only check at certain times and for certain periods throughout day

Assertiveness q Based on Respect…speak your feelings without judging another. q Teach them the consequences of their actions (legally, occupationally, etc. ) q Parents, be assertive in your homes. As long as teens live under your roof they play by your rules. q Assert yourself as a mentor and advocate!

Train the Brain q Play board games, motor-skill mentoring, teach them hands-on, fishing, hunting, hiking, outdoor leadership q Exercise together q Read books together (not e-books) q Pray and meditate q Relaxation techniques q Sequential tasking

Empathy q Be safe q Doing empathy; more than having it q Maintain healthy balance of online and offline relationships q Build real life network of contacts q Balance time with family and on internet and keep them separate

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References • Carr, N. (2011). The shallows: What the internet is doing to our brains. New York, NY: W. W. Norton. • Gurian, M. (2009). The purpose of boys: Helping our sons find meaning, significance, and direction in their lives. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass. • Hart, A. & Frejd Hart, S. (2013). The digital invasion: How technology is shaping you and your relationships. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. • Small, G. & Vorgan, G. (2009). i. Brain: Surviving the technological alteration of the modern mind. William Morrow. • Turkle, S. (2012). Alone together: Why we expect more from technology and less from each other. New York, NY: Basic Books.