How many black dots can you count DEALING

How many black dots can you count ?

DEALING WITH CONFLICT! 6 UNDERSTANDING BEHAVIOR, HUMAN RELATIONS, AND PERFORMANCE

CONFLICT

HERE’S THE SITUATION NEW MANAGER BLUES…. You were just promoted to a new position as a manager of a Department Store in Fresno. You quickly assert that of the 33 part time and full time employees, two of them are causing a great deal problems within the store. They have been at odds with each other for over a year now, and it is causing other employees to quit and find other jobs elsewhere. Those who have stayed are drawn into the conflict and sides have been chosen by most, if not all of those remaining employees. You have asked to meet with these two individuals. What are your next steps to resolve this conflict?

CONFLICT When two or more parties are in disagreement. § It can harm productivity § It can harm creativity Insights to Conflict: • Don’t get emotional • Focus on communication • Pick your battles

SOURCES OF CONFLICT Personal Differences Information Different Objectives Environmental Factors

PASSIVE, ASSERTIVE, AND AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS Passive: (Nonassertive) use self-limiting qualifying expressions without stating their position/needs. “Wallflowers” Assertive: (Stands up for rights without violating others’) Assertive/Aggressive: A combination of being Assertive, yet hostile, violent or vicious in their attempt to “get what they want. ” Aggressive speakers (violates the rights of others using “you messages” and absolutes) Passive-aggressive (speakers may switch back and forth, may switch immediately after the situation, or may build hostility while behaving passively)

ARTICLE FROM FINS FINANCE http: //www. fins. com/Finance/Articles/SBB 00014240529702045424 04577158913768582238/Ten-Ways-to-Keep-from-Flipping-Out-at. Work? reflink=djm_emailfinshouse_feb 1512_djusop

TEN WAYS TO KEEP FROM FLIPPING OUT Pick up on the Signs Don't Ignore it Go Someplace Else Don't Completely Lose It Steer Clear of the Keyboard Be Assertive, Not Aggressive Consider Your Reputation Sleep on it Distract your mind with something else… "More careers have been derailed because of negative emotion than for any single factor. . " Mark Maraia, president of Maraia & Associates, a relationship management consultancy

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS (I) Transactional analysis (TA): a method of understanding behavior in interpersonal dynamics. The three ego states § Parent § Critical parent § Sympathetic parent § Child § Natural child § Adapted child § Adult The three types of transactions § Complementary § Crossed § Ulterior

ADAPTED CHILD Terrible “ 2’s” § When you behave and respond with confronting, advising responses: § Rebelliousness § Pouting § Childish/Unfounded Anger § Fear § Anxiety § Inadequacy § Procrastination § Finger-Pointing § Blame § Jealousy § Mockery

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS (II) Complementary transaction Supervisor P A C Supervisor (Preferred!) P A C Employee P A C

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS (III) Crossed transaction: Occur when the sender of a message does not get the expected response from the receiver. Supervisor Employee P A C

TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS (IV) Ulterior transaction: Hidden agendas – Lets look at the example on page 200. Supervisor Employee P A C § Supervisor P A C Employee P A C

STATEMENTS MADE BY MANAGERS REGARDING CHILDLIKE BEHAVIOR “If you want me to treat you like a child… I will!” (Parent) “Stop acting like a child!” (Parent) “I can’t take his/her childish behavior. ” (Adult/Supervisor) “Stop taking this personally and be professional!” (Adult) “This isn’t about you! This is business. ” (Adult) My two year old acts better!” (Parent) Please – Quite Pouting! (Parent)

I’M OK-YOU’RE OKAY I'm OK, You're OK , by Thomas A. Harris MD, is one of the best selling self-help books ever published. It is a practical guide to Transactional Analysis as a method for solving problems in life. From its first publication during 1969, the popularity of I'm OK, You're OK gradually increased until, during 1972, its name made the New York Times Best Seller List and remained there for almost two years. It is estimated by the publisher to have sold over 15 million copies to date [ 1 ] and to have been translated into over a dozen languages. http: //en. wikipedia. org/wiki/File: I%27 m_OK_You%27 re_OK. jpg

Attitude toward Oneself LIFE POSITIONS Positive I’m OK — You’re not OK I’m OK — You’re OK Negative I’m not OK — You’re not OK I’m not OK — You’re OK Negative Positive Attitude toward Others

CONFLICT RESOLUTION “It takes two to tango!”

CONFLICT RESOLUTION Initiating Conflict Resolution Step 1. Plan to maintain ownership of the problem using the XYZ model. Step 2. Implement your plan persistently. Step 3. Make an agreement for change. Step Step 1. 2. 3. 4. Responding to Conflict Resolution Listen and paraphrase the problem using the XYZ model. Agree with some aspect of the complaint. Ask for, and/or give, alternative solutions. Make an agreement for change. Mediating Conflict Resolution Have each party state his or her complaint using the XYZ model. Agree on the problem(s). Develop alternative solutions. Make an agreement for change and follow up.

ASSERTIVENESS Comes through the adult ego state I’m OK — You’re OK. Creates a win-win situation. To be assertive: § § Set an objective. Determine how to create a win-win situation. Develop an assertive phrase(s). Implement your plan persistently.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLES PAGE 244 Defined Forcing Avoiding Accommodating Compromising When to Use Aggressive behavior Personal differences – Get your own way Passively ignore Stakes are low“Which mole-hill do you want to die on? ” Passively give-in Assertive give and take Collaborating Jointly resolve When maintaining relationship outweighs all other considerations. Complex and critical issues. No simple solution. Used for peer conflicts. Best for

MANAGEMENT CONFLICT STYLES Passive behavior High concern for others’ needs Accommodating style I’m OK — You’re OK Collaborating style Assertive behavior Compromising style Avoiding style Low concern for others’ needs I’m not OK — You’re OK I’m not OK — You’re not OK Forcing style High concern for own needs Aggressive behavior I’m OK — You’re not OK

THE ABC’S OF THE XYZ MODEL “When you do (x), (y) happens, and I feel (z). ” X = Behavior Y = Consequences Z = Feelings

AVOIDING THOSE HIRING BLUES! Manager’s Note Book!

A STEP OVER THE EDGE

MOTIVATION: A STEP OVER THE EDGE… Hot Creek is open daily from sunrise to sunset. The ground can be very unstable and you must stay on the sidewalk for your own safety. Earthquakes are common in this area and can cause drastic changes in the underground plumbing. During the earthquake swarms in the 1980 s, there were sudden geyser eruptions at Hot Creek, overnight appearances of new hot springs and changes in creek bed, shoreline and water temperature. It is suggested to stay out of the water after such an event. http: //thesierraweb. com/generalinfo/hotcreekfaq. h

TESTING THE WATER…. The temperature of the water flowing from the largest of the springs is 200 degrees Fahrenheit (93 degrees Centigrade) which is boiling at this elevation. Water in the smaller springs may have lower temperatures because the water loses heat to the rock or mixes with cooler surface water. Water cannot be hotter than boiling temperature unless kept under pressure and is then called steam. Steam, which vents from fumeroles, canbe hotter than 200 degrees. http: //thesierraweb. com/generalinfo/hotcreekfaq

MOTIVATION: TESTING THE LIMITS GUARANTEED, YOU WILL HAVE EMPLOYEES WHOSE MOTIVATION IS TO TEST THE LIMITS!!! HOW HAVE THE PEOPLE DIED OR BEEN INJURED? As of December of 1994 the actual count of deaths or serious injuries is 28, of which 13 have been fatalities. The majority of these incidents have involved people engaged in an activity that is in violation of the posted regulations such as nighttime use, being in a closed area, or having a dog off leash. Many have also involved persons under the influence of alcohol or drugs. http: //thesierraweb. com/generalinfo/hotcreekfaq. h

MANAGERS NOTEBOOK!

AVOID HIRING THE NIGHTMARES! Take psychology and abnormal psychology Human Relations and HR courses Learn how to ask legal questions and how to look for red flags that could be signaling to you that this applicant is bad news! Ask for professional references and have the applicant give you SIGNED authorization to contact their references. Don’t be afraid to confront the issues head on…

MANAGERS NOTEBOOK CONTINUED: Screen applicants using profiles that measure: § Ability § Aptitude § Experience Attend seminars and workshops that deal with the topic of management skills. Take a good documentation course that will teach you the skills of employment documentation. Keep up with the employment laws and regulations. Know your rights and responsibilities! If you run into legal troubles, get help!!!

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BOOKS…

THE COWARDS GUIDE TO CONFLICT DISCOVER: --Why you must know how to handle conflict --How to recognize conflict before it happens --The best ways to deal with difficult people --How to build strength by overcoming problems --Secrets to impacting and leading others --Tools to guide you past conflict

BOUNDARIES Defining what boundaries are… Helping you set healthy boundaries with parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even yourself Taking back your control and power over situations and people when boundaries are necessary. Learning when to say, “Yes” and when to say, “No” in situations. Taking control of your life.

NECESSARY ENDINGS… “Endings are a part of every aspect of life. When done well, the seasons of life are negotiated, and the proper endings lead to the end of pain, greater growth, personal and business goals reached, and better lives. Endings bring hope. ” p. 13

NECESSARY ENDINGS…. “She is in a stance that is designed not to see the truth or grasp it, or in any way adjust to it. Her goal is to avoid ownership of the feedback, which would require her to take responsibility and charge. As a result, she constantly produces collateral damage for others, does harm to the cause and everyone but her feels the effects. So, the frustration all around her grows…. ” Page 134

THE PRUNING EFFECT “The caretaker constantly examines the bush to see which buds are worthy of the plant’s limited fuel and support, and cuts the others away. He prunes them. Takes them away, never to return. He ends their role in the life of the bush and puts an end to the bush’s having to divert resources to them. ” Necessary Endings, p. 16

CODEPENDENCY? Are You A Victim Of Codependency | Lifescript. com

SAFE PEOPLE Gives us advice on discernment in finding people who are “Safe” and those who are “unsafe” or even toxic to be around. Categorizes personal traits of those people to are takers, critics or irresponsible, and gives the reader a guidepost on how to spot those types in unhealthy relationships.