Healthy Relationships How do you tell the difference

Healthy Relationships

How do you tell the difference between an unhealthy vs toxic relationship? Unhealthy: It's not right for you any more. You feel obligated or stuck, you no longer grow as a person, or you fight all the time. Neither of you are bad people or set out with ill intent for one another, it's just not where you belong anymore. Toxic: Abusive and dysfunctional. Unhealthy to a much more extreme level.

Always Toxic… Narcissist, Sociopath, Psychopath - Commonalities… All feel no empathy, remorse, conscience, or guilt - Oversimplified example on next slide…

Cycle Abuse- Most typically seen within sociopathic relationships. Beginning: They gain your trust by comforting you, listening, and supporting you. They’re creating an illusion of friendship and happiness. Everything is great. At this point, you see nothing wrong, everything is incredible. Start with Gaslighting: They slowly start to change their presentation of themselves. They'll begin to turn everyone against you, even turns you against you. After abusing you psychologically, they use positive reinforcement. This process makes you question your sanity, and breaks down self-esteem. Abuse: This can come in different forms either verbal, sexual or physical. These all have psychological effects. After degrading your self worth they feel you will never leave. Honeymoon: If you start questioning the relationship, they will start treating you like they did in the beginning so you’ll miss them and not leave. Calm: Everything is okay… until it isn’t.

What is gaslighting To gaslight is to manipulate someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity and reality. It is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. This process is done slowly and gradually over time so the individual on the receiving end is largely unaware of what is being done to them.

Components of Gaslighting ● They blatantly tell you a lie… ● They deny they ever said something even if you have proof they did. You begin to question whether it ever happened. ● Whatever is most important to you is what is used against you which destroys your foundation. ● They wear you down over time [Frog in Boiling Water] ● Throw in positive reinforcement and praise adding to a feeling of confusion and uneasiness. ● They project often the things they are doing as if it were you.

Gaslighting Continued ● They align people against you- say that other people see your insecurities and are judging you for it. Make you feel isolated and as though others are against you. This makes you not know who to turn to. ● They tell others you are crazy- so everyone will question your sanity if you ever try to speak out against them. ● If you speak out they tell everyone you are a liar.

Red Flags Gaslighting Hypocritical Pathological lying and constant excuses Focuses on your mistakes while ignoring their own Accuses you of feeling emotions they are intentionally provoking (it's your fault for crying after they've done something hurtful) ● Slowly and steadily erodes your boundaries… does not listen when you say no ● They expect you to read their mind and get angry when you don't do things they never specified ● Compares you against other people to make you feel bad about yourself ● ● ●

● Jealous and possessive of you and your time ● Gives you nonstop attention and affection- once you fully enter that relationship they get bored and treat you like you don’t matter anymore. ● Belittle, humiliate or puts you down ● Intentionally silencing you when you confront them [call you oversensitive] ● Violent mood swings- happy one minute angry the next. Leaves you confused and walking on eggshells ● Being told nobody else would ever want you ● Threatening you if you try to leave - GET HELP ● Your feelings- Do you cry more than you smile?

Covert Abuse You likely won't even understand that you were in an abusive relationship until long after its over. Through personalized connection, idealization and good times, followed by subtle devaluation. . . a person on the receiving end of this abuse can have their perception and self-esteem slowly eroded. Victim may feel lucky because they are treated well during honeymoon phases.

Ability to justify actions If a friend or someone you cared about was being treated a certain way, would you tolerate it as a bystander? Ability to justify bad because we love the good. What would you say if it were someone you cared about in the situation?

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP QUIZ https: //www. loveisrespect. org/pdf/Healthy_Relationship_Quiz. pdf Take the quiz then get into small groups to discuss results or opinions on the quiz. - Do you feel the results were accurate? Do you feel like some of the questions were reflexive of healthy relationships?

Resources and Seeking Help Book Psychopath Free: On amazon! Helpline/ Townhall 2: (330) 678 -3006 SRVSS (Sexual and Relationship Violence Support Services): 330 -672 -8016 Or go to the Kent State website and search for SRVSS for more info RAINN number for sexual abuse: 800. 656. HOPE (4673) Or go to RAINN. org for more information You can come to us or anyone you feel comfortable talking to!

Letting go