He Said She Said Understanding Gender Differences in

“He Said, She Said: Understanding Gender Differences in Communication” Sue Gillies BA, BApp. Sci, MBA CMGMA, September 15 th, 2017

Guidelines/Underlying Assumptions

Communication Impacts All Aspects of our Businesses - Efficiency Quality Bottom Line Compliance/Legal Creativity/Uniqueness Competition Reputation/Brand Emotions Stress Levels Satisfaction

Many Ways to Evaluate Communication…. . . Another tool in your tool kit

It’s Not That Black and White…. We all have masculine and feminine traits Where do you sit on the continuum? Masculine___________Feminin e

A Story!

The Other Side of the Coin…

Equals but not the same! • • • Speaking Listening Body Language Conflict Resolution Problem Solving/Decision Making

Why? Brains- Different Wiring Evolution- Cave Men/Women Socialization- Gender Roles

Attributes Masculine Feminine • • • • • In control/take charge Independent Focused Logical Decisive Disciplined Stable Confident Hierarchical Competitive Nurturing Interdependent Receptive Emotional Empathetic Creative Patient Vulnerable Communal Cooperative

Speaking Masculine Feminine • • Facts/report Reason for talking Direct/demands Say what they mean Feelings/rapport Process out loud Indirect/ask questions Imply what they mean

Bridging the Gaps • Masculine: – Take a moment to build rapport – Explain your thinking rather than simply jumping to conclusions – Be aware that a direct communication style may be taken personally – Tentative does equal lacking confidence – Increase the feeling quotient • Feminine: – – Be concise, get to the point Use statements A direct style does not equal arrogance or superiority Dim the emotional intensity

Speaking Masculine Feminine • • Facts/report Reason for talking Direct/demands Say what they mean Feelings/rapport Process out loud Indirect/ask questions Imply what they mean

Listening

Listening Masculine Feminine • Listen to fix • Outcomes/content • Listen to one thing at a time • Likely to interrupt • View this as an interruption or a lack of attention • Listen to improve • People/feelings • Shift back and forth in listening • Take turns • Participatory listening (finish off other sentences)

Bridging the Gaps • Both: – Clarify how you would like the other person to listen (fix, improve, understand, just listen!) • Masculine: – Avoid interruptions – Be cognizant of the feeling content • Feminine: – Understand that interruptions are not always meant to indicate disinterest – Avoid finishing sentences

Listening Masculine Feminine • Listen to fix • Outcomes/content • Listen to one thing at a time • Likely to interrupt • View this as an interruption or a lack of attention • Listen to improve • People/feelings • Shift back and forth in listening • Take turns • Participatory listening (finish off other sentences)

Body Language Masculine Feminine • Eye contact not important • Nod to indicate agreement • More attuned to verbal than the non verbal • Eye contact indicates interest • Nod to indicate interest • Read body language and pick up non verbal cues

Bridging the Gaps • Masculine: – Use eye contact to indicate that you are listening and interested in the conversation – Appreciate that the feminine is more sensitive to non verbal cues • Feminine: – Understand that eye contact is not as important to the masculine – Appreciate that the masculine is not as aware of body language

Body Language Masculine Feminine • Eye contact not important • Nod to indicate agreement • More attuned to verbal than the non verbal • Eye contact indicates interest • Nod to indicate interest • Read body language and pick up non verbal cues

Conflict Resolution Masculine Feminine • Competing and achieving • Argue more and find it interesting to disagree • Just fix the problem • Harmony and relating • Seek agreement and see disagreement as more threatening to relationships • Hash out the details

Bridging the Gaps • Masculine: – Recognize that confrontation may cause the feminine retreat – Try to reframe the conflict as more ritual than real • Feminine: – Be aware that the masculine likes to argue. Try not to personalize it – Recognize the value of conflict and allow yourself and others to take a strong position

Conflict Resolution Masculine Feminine • Competing and achieving • Argue more and find it interesting to disagree • Just fix the problem • Harmony and relating • Seek agreement and see disagreement as more threatening to relationships • Hash out the details

Problem Solving/Decision Making

Problem Solving/Decision Making Masculine Feminine • • • Goal oriented/linear Analytical One solution at a time At ease with order, rules Decisive/results oriented More comfortable giving and taking orders • Assertive • Want to get to work immediately Process oriented/holistic Intuitive As many options as possible At ease with fluidity Consultative/ collaborative More comfortable with giving and taking suggestions • Cooperative • Tend to ask a lot of questions before beginning

Bridging the Gaps • Masculine: – Be open to hearing several ways to solve the same problem – Asking questions doesn’t translate to a lack of confidence • Feminine: – Limit solutions, prioritize – Be sure the masculine has adequate information • Both – Clarify if you are gathering information to seek consensus or to be the ultimate decision maker – Optimize your outcome by incorporating both styles; appreciate the benefits of collaborative and singular approaches to problem solving and decision making

Problem Solving/Decision Making Masculine Feminine • • • Goal oriented/linear Analytical One solution at a time At ease with order, rules Decisive/results oriented More comfortable giving and taking orders • Assertive • Want to get to work immediately Process oriented/holistic Intuitive As many options as possible At ease with fluidity Consultative/ collaborative More comfortable with giving and taking suggestions • Cooperative • Tend to ask a lot of questions before beginning

Workplace Needs Masculine • Respected • Admired • Sense of control over their environment Feminine • Appreciated • Valued for what they bring to the workplace • Safe

Putting it into Practice Understand the Differences Know Yourself Practice

What Went Wrong?

A Critical Business Decision! Appreciate and Understand Gender Communication Differences To: Remove the Distractions Listen with Clarity Optimize the Results

Questions

Fun Gender Communication Quiz • https: //teachingpublicspeaking. wordpress. com/2013/12/06/examples-for-malefemale -communication-differences/

Sue Gillies Change, Strategy, Improvement, Coaching, Consulting suegillies@treconsulting. net Presentation Reference List Available Upon Request