HABIT 5 SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND THEN TO

HABIT 5 SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

ASCA Standards � PS: A 2. 6 Use effective communication skills � PS: A 2. 2 Recognize alternative points of view � PS: A 2. 7 Know that communication involves speaking, listening and nonverbal behavior

6 th Grade Standards � � S 1 C 1 PO 1. Generate ideas through a variety of activities (e. g. , prior knowledge, discussion with others, printed material or other sources). Concept 6: Conventions addresses the mechanics of writing, including capitalization, punctuation, spelling, grammar and usage, and paragraph breaks.

Quick Write � What do you think this quote means? “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. ”

Brainstorm � � How do you show others you care about them? How do others show you they care about you? How do you feel when someone does not listen to you? Have you ever been a poor listener?

What is the deepest need of the human heart? � � The deepest need in our hearts is to be understood. Think of a situation when someone didn’t take the time to understand or listen to you. Were you open to listen to what they had to say? Why or why not? Share at your tables.

Please Listen When I ask you to listen to me And you start giving me advice, You have not done what I asked. When I ask you to listen to me And you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, You are trampling on my feelings When I ask you to listen to me And you feel you have to do something To solve my problem, You have failed me, Strange as that may seem. Listen! All I ask is that you listen. Don’t talk or do---just hear me.

5 Poor Listening Styles Spacing Out Pretend Listening Selective Listening Word Listening Self-Centered Listening You mind is wandering off and you are consumed by your own thoughts You are not paying much attention to the person but you are acting like you are. You might nod your head, say “yeah”, “cool”, “sounds great” You only pay attention to the part of the conversation that interests you. You are paying attention to the words, but you are not in tune to the emotions, body language, or tone of voice You are listening but seeing everything from your own point of view. You might say, “I know exactly how you feel. ”

Judging, Advising, & Probing Judging You are making judgments about them and you are no longer really listening, you are just judging Advising You start giving advice from your own experience. When I was your age…. Probing You are trying to dig up emotions before people are ready to share them. Have you ever been probed by your parents, friends, teachers, siblings, etc.

Genuine Listening Words Body Language Tone/Feeling

Listen with your eyes, heart, and ears � Notice how you can change the meaning of a sentence by emphasizing a different word. I didn’t say you had an attitude problem.

Stand in Their Shoes � � “Walk a mile in their shoes. ” You must try to see the world as they see it and try to feel as they feel. Tinted Glasses Story Often times conversations are viewed as a competition that someone has to “win”. Really both people can win because both are coming from different points of view.

Practice Mirroring � � � Think like a mirror. What does a mirror do? It doesn’t judge. It doesn’t give advice. It reflects. Mirroring means to repeat back in your own words what the other person is feeling and saying. When you mirror you use your own words, are warm and caring, and are repeating meaning.

Let’s try mirroring… � � � Sentence Stems: So, as I see it… What I am hearing you say is… I can see that your feeling… You feel that… So, what your saying is…

QUICK WRITE Why is it important to seek first to understand, then to be understood?