Habit 4 Think WinWin Life is an allyoucaneat

Habit #4 Think Win-Win “Life is an all-you-can-eat buffet. ”

What it is NOT The best way to explore Habit #4 Think Win-Win is to see what Win-Win is not. It is NOT: 1. Win-Lose 2. Lose-Win 3. Lose-Lose These are all poor attitudes. Let’s take a look at each one….

Poor Attitude #1 Win-Lose • It’s the belief that in order for me to “win”, you have to “lose”. People with this attitude usually: – Use other people for their own selfish purposes – Try to get ahead at the expense of others – Spread rumors about someone else – Focus on getting their way – Become jealous & envious when something good happens to someone else • Examples?

Win-Lose Scenario Mike: “Mom, there’s a big game tonight and I nee to take the car. ” Mom: “I’m sorry, Mike, but I need to get groceries tonight. Your friends will have to pick you up. ” Mike: “But Mom. My friends always have to pick me up. It’s embarrassing. ” Mom: “Listen, you’ve been complaining about not having any food in the house for a week. This is the only time I have to get groceries. I’m sorry. ” Mike: “You’re not sorry. If you were sorry, you’d let me take the car. You’re so unfair. ” Mom: “All right. Take the car. But don’t come complaining to me when there’s nothing to eat tomorrow. ”

Discussion 1. Who won? Who lost? 2. Did Mike really win? How does his mom feel? 3. What negative feeling might Mike feel about himself in this situation? 4. What’s Mom going to do the next time she has a chance to get even with Mike?

Poor Attitude #2 Lose-Win • It’s the belief that I will “lose” so that you may “win”. People with this attitude usually: – Set low expectations for themselves – Have low self-esteem and don’t consider themselves worthy or good enough – Compromise their standards – Give in to peer pressure – Allow themselves to be walked on with the excuse of being the “peacemaker” • Examples? • I need 4 girl volunteers

Lose-Win Scenario Narrator: Two friends are sitting together at lunch waiting for the third friend to arrive. Brianna: Hey, Sydney. Did you see Kristin’s hair today? Sydney: No, I haven’t seen her at all today. Did she finally decide to cut it? She showed me some pics on Pinterest that she thought were cute. Brianna: Oh, she cut it alright…. It… Looks… Awful!! Sydney: Bri, that’s kind of harsh don’t you think? It’s pretty brave of her to try something new. Brianna: Seriously, Syd. Who does she think she is? Some hot super model? She can’t pull off that kind of look. Come here, I have a pic of her. Narrator: Brianna shows Sydney a pic of Kristin with her new haircut. Just then, the third friend, Gina, shows up. Gina: Hey girls! Whatcha looking at? Brianna: A picture of Kristen. Sydney: She cut her hair…. . It…. . Looks…. Awful! She must think she’s all

Discussion 1. Who lost? Who won? 2. What negative feelings might Sydney have towards herself after this situation? 3. Why is Lose-Win thinking just as dangerous as Win-Lose thinking?

Poor Attitude #3 Lose-Lose • It’s the belief that if I’m going to “lose”, you are “losing” too. People with this attitude usually: – Seek revenge – Want to win at all costs – Are obsessed with others in a negative way – Have codependent and emotionally damaging relationships • Examples? • I need a boy and a girl volunteer

Lose-Lose Scenario Doug: Amy, who was that guy you were talking to just now? Amy: Oh, that was Brian. He’s just a good friend I grew up with. Doug: I don’t want you hangin’ out with that guy. Amy: Doug, he’s just a friend I’ve known for a long time. We went to elementary school together. Doug: I don’t care how long you’ve known him. You shouldn’t be so friendly to him. Amy: It’s no big deal. He’s having some problems and just needs someone to talk to. Doug: Are you committed to me or not? Amy: Okay Doug. If that’s what you want, I won’t talk to him anymore.

Discussion 1. Why did Doug and Amy respond this way? 2. How did Doug’s Lose-Lose thinking affect Amy? 3. How will Amy’s Lose-Lose thinking affect her friendship with Brian?

The Attitude to Have: Think Win-Win • It’s the belief that if I can win, so can you. People with this attitude usually: – Are happy when others succeed – Help others succeed – Are willing to share recognition with others – See life as an all-you-can-eat buffet for everybody • Examples? • I need two boy volunteers

Win-Win Scenario Narrator: Sean and Chris are twin brothers and are hanging out at home after school. They are waiting for their college acceptance letters to arrive. Sean goes and gets the mail. Sean: Chris, there are two letters here from Cal State Long Beach. Chris: Really? Let’s see ‘em. Narrator: Both brothers open their letters Sean: YESSS! I got accepted!!! What about you Chris? Chris: No, I didn’t. Narrator: Inside, Chris is feeling terrible about his own situation. Sean: Bro, I’m really sorry. Chris: Yeah, I’m disappointed…. . But you know, this is awesome for you. I’m genuinely happy for you. We should celebrate your great news. Sean: Thanks for saying that.

Discussion 1. What benefits will both Chris and Sean enjoy from practicing Win-Win thinking? 2. How is this type of thinking contagious?

Think Win-Win • It’s an attitude towards life • It’s a mental frame of mind that says: – “I can win, and so can you. ” – “It’s not me or you, it’s both of us. ” • It’s the foundation for getting along well with other people. • It’s the belief that no one is inferior or superior to anyone else.

How to Think Win-Win • Win the Private Victory First – Insecure – Jealousy – Deposit into PBA – Have personal security

How to Think Win-Win • Avoid the Tumor Twins: – Competing – Comparing

Competition • Is healthy when you compete against yourself • Is healthy when it challenges you to reach and stretch and become your best. • Is unhealthy when you tie your self-worth into winning • Is unhealthy when you use it as a way to place yourself above another.

• Let’s use competition as a benchmark to measure ourselves against, but let’s stop competing over boyfriends, girlfriends, status, friends, popularity, attention, and just start enjoying life.

Comparing • Comparing yourself to others is nothing but bad news. Why?

• Comparing ourselves makes us feel like a wave of the sea tossed to and fro by the wind. • We go up and down, feeling inferior one moment and superior the next, confident one moment and intimidated the next.

No Deal • When Win-Win is not possible.

What do you think of this? • https: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=U 41 N 0 2_9 z. NU