Grounding Skills Heidi VermeerQuist Psy D Licensed Clinical

Grounding Skills Heidi Vermeer-Quist, Psy. D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist Effective Psychological and Spiritual coping skills Unity Point Oncology Conference 11. 4. 16

Introduction Grounding Goals today: Self-talk, Self-Care, Spirituality, Grounding (DBT - mindfulness & emotion management), and other tangible skills that you can use to help patients and also to deal with your own life struggles. Encouraging patients to talk openly and honestly with family members to enhance good relationships throughout the cancer journey. Q & A

GROUNDING Your Life For this Power Point From the book…GROUNDING Presentation, the “Grounding” book, or to contact me with any questions, please visit: www. gardeningyourlife. c om

GROUNDING Your Life Mental health is a lot like gardening… Grounding Grieving & Growing in the hands of our Master Gardener John 15 – Abiding in the Vine

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding Self-Talk Words become Worlds What do you tell yourself? Train your brain to embrace a Healthy Self Concept: For Example: In Christ, • • • I am Accepted I am Secure I am Significant

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding Basics Physical Health! We are organic too, so tend to the BIG THREE: 1. Eat 2. Sleep 3. Exercise

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding Basics PRACTICE Set the tone for application of “Grounding” work throughout the week – Journaling and Using the Grounding Skills Log daily. Use it or lose it…No shame, just lots of encouragement!!!

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding – Healthy Limits Put Down Roots for Healthy Boundaries – Good News! You are responsible FOR far less than you think. Learn how to live in and manage your own backyard.

GROUNDING Your Life YOU F – feelings A – attitudes B – behaviors NOW (one moment at a time) RESPONSIBLE FOR Your One Life – Right Now. Managing Your FAByoulous treasures.

GOD Source of Love, Life, and Wisdom Prayer GROUNDING Your Life yer Pra YOU F – feelings A – attitudes B – behaviors NOW Other Person F – feelings A – attitudes B – behaviors e ! NOW h t k ove a e L Sp in uth r T RESPONSIBLE TO EACH OTHER BY SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding – Healthy Limits Know Your Limits – Healthy Boundaries CAUTION: You are about to enter the “O” Zone! Getting stuck in the “O Zone” is when you feel responsible for Others, Outcomes and Old Stuff. Just notice: when you feel responsible for the “O” Zone, you WILL feel stressed. Do you think that perhaps God made you to feel stressed in those times, in order to signal you to slow down and remain responsible just for YOUR part?

GROUNDING Your Life Prayer Benefits of Prayer: Feel less alone – aware of being with God Look at a bigger picture Discern meaning and purpose in the midst of suffering Entrust God with the “O Zone”

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding – Living in the Precious Present Be Mindful – live in the precious present. Putting your mind fully on something. Use Your Five Senses Use Your Breath – 4 -7 -8 Practice Observe, Describe, Participate in the gift of the present moment.

GROUNDING Your Life Mindfulness Skills WHAT Skills: 1. Observe – observe the moment you are in. Turn your mind to WHATEVER is in this present moment. External and internal mindfulness… 1. Describe – describe what you are observing. Attach words to what you are experiencing… 1. Participate – participate in the moment. Be involved in whatever you are doing…

GROUNDING Your Life Mindfulness Skills HOW skills: Non-Judgmentally – Accept the moment just as it is. Notice what is helpful and harmful but try not to judge. One-Mindfully – Be mindful of each activity, doing one thing at a time. Let go of distractions – use “Teflon mind” – letting unhelpful thoughts slide off your mental frying pan and then return to the present moment. Effectively – Focus on what works effectively for the moment. Use the principles, morals and values you know and trust. Use effective tools: journaling, prayer and social support. Consider your options – what is most effective (not perfect) for the situation.

GROUNDING Your Life Mindfulness Exercise External Mindfulness – focus on the breath and then guide yourself (or others) through observing, describing and participating in the five senses. Goal: Calm and External Grounding. Internal Mindfulness – focus on breath and guide yourself (or others) through observing, describing and letting go of thoughts. Notice, name and move on to the next thought. Goal: Calm and Internal Awareness & Grounding.

GROUNDING Your Life Emotion Management… Whoa, Nelly!

GROUNDING Your Life Emotion Management… Whoa, Nelly! The horse – emotional mind – needs the rider The rider – reasonable mind – needs the horse (with all of its strength and ability) Designed to work together to produce “wise mind” realities. Use prayer, paying attention to a loving God, the Ultimate Horse Whisperer!

GROUNDING Your Life Emotion Management Observe Your Emotion – just name it. Experience Your Emotion – as a wave coming and going. Remember You Are Not Your Emotion – Your emotion is just part of you – a signal. Emotions only last 8 -15 seconds. The more we accept what we feel and distract our thoughts to neutral or positive experiences, the less we feed the distress and suffering of our emotions. Practice Loving Your Emotion – don’t judge it… practice accepting it.

GROUNDING Your Life FAB Prayer Journaling through Emotions Dear God, • F - What am I feeling? • A - What am I reacting to? o the current situation: o my interpretation (subjective): o the truth (objective – just the facts): • B - How did I (or how am I now) respond(ing) to my interpretation of the situation? What is my typical knee jerk response? What other options do I have? (Really listen to yourself, God, what others have taught you…. ) What do I choose to do?

GROUNDING Your Life Distress Tolerance Wise Mind ACCEPTS A – Activities C – Contributing C – Comparisons E – Opposite Emotion P – Push Away T – Other Thoughts S – Five Senses

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding – Radical Acceptance ACT (Acceptance-Commitment Therapy) The Serenity Prayer Posture Accept what you cannot change Courage to change what you can (your one life, one moment at a time) Remain Committed to Faith, Principles & Values

GROUNDING Your Life Serenity Prayer (for today) God, grant me the Serenity (tranquility, composure and peace) to ACCEPT (gratefully receive) the things I cannot change (Others, Outcomes and Old stuff), COURAGE to change things I can (myself in this moment, managing my Feelings, Attitudes, and Behaviors), and WISDOM (understanding) to know the difference…

Continued… GROUNDING Your Life LIVING One Day at a time… ENJOYING One MOMENT at a time (mindfully observing, describing and participating in the precious present) ACCEPTING HARDSHIP as a pathway to PEACE… TAKING, as Jesus did, this sinful (evil, corrupt and broken) world as it IS, not as I would have it… TRUSTING that You are making all things right as I SURRENDER (give in)to YOUR will… So that I am reasonably (sensibly and quite) HAPPY in this life and SUPREMELY HAPPY with You forever in the next. AMEN (So be it!) —Adapted from Reinhold Niebuhr’s Original by Heidi Vermeer-Quist

GROUNDING Your Life Encourage Patients to Talk openly and honestly with family to enhance good relationships throughout the cancer journey. Remember Boundaries – Don’t assume anything. Remember loved ones do care, but they don’t fully understand. Receive care and radically accept that others are powerless in controlling the “O zone” too. Focus on walking this journey together - one moment at a time.

GROUNDING Your Life Linda Wilson’s 5 C’s (Cancer Survivor) 1. 2. 3. Cry out to God. Pray for yourself and ask others to pray with and for you. Count your blessings. Slow down and just notice what is going well. When you count your blessings it changes your outlook and your mood. Claim God’s promises. In the Bible, God promises to provide for you and never leave you. You can read thousands of passages to back up this claim. I encourage you to start with the Psalms and hear songs of both despair and joy.

GROUNDING Your Life Linda Wilson’s 5 C’s 4. Consider your options and opportunities. SLOW DOWN! Don’t make hasty decisions out of your emotions of grief—fear, anger or depression. Tend to those emotions by listing out your options. Perhaps enlist a trusted friend or counselor to help you think through your options and opportunities as your deal with the challenges of cancer. 5. Choose to trust and work toward positives. Accept what is real and choose to squeeze out every ounce of learning you can. Look for meaning/purpose. Positive Psychology.

GROUNDING Your Life Grounding Skills Q & A

GROUNDING Your Life For this Power Point From the book…GROUNDING Presentation, the “Grounding” book, or to contact me with any questions, please visit: www. gardeningyourlife. c om

GROUNDING Your Life Gardening Your Life (for groups or individuals): Book One: Grounding Conference Sale: $20 Cash/Check only (VQ Consult) (regular price $25) Book Two: Grieving (pruning) Brand new - $20 Cash/Check only Book Three: Growing (new growth in grateful community) Coming in 2017