Grief Loss Jacqueline Ruff MSW LSW Social Worker

Grief & Loss Jacqueline Ruff, MSW, LSW Social Worker, HHS Room 161 201 -646 -0722

What is the Drop-In Center; What do we do? Short-term individual & family counseling Groups (Girl Code, True Colors, Guy code) Tutoring Employment/Volunteer/Internships Recreation Room 161 by the cafeteria

Grief : Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. Of itself, grief is neither a pathological condition nor a personality disorder Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior

TEDx: Changing The Way We Mourn https: //www. youtube. com/watch? v=T 4 o. TIJ-4 ml. E [Start: 11: 53 ]

Types of losses Death Divorce Loss of a friendship Moving Loss of housing Pet loss Financial change (increase or decrease in wealth) Loss of health End of Addiction Starting a new School

Five Stages of Grief Denial: “This can’t be happening to me. ” Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame? ” Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____. ” Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything. ” Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened. ”

Responses to Grief Reduced concentration A sense of numbness Disrupted sleeping patterns Changed eating habits Roller coaster of emotional energy Feel sad or depressed Be irritable or angry (at the deceased, oneself, others, higher powers) Feel frustrated or misunderstood Experience anxiety, nervousness, or fearfulness Feel like you want to "escape“ Experience guilt or remorse Be ambivalent Lack energy and motivation

Misconceptions of Grieving “Time heals all” “Be strong” Don’t feel bad Grieve alone. “Give your mom some space” or “He just needs a minute alone in the other room” Children are taught to hide sad feelings or experience them alone

Unresolved Grief What is it? If you are unwilling to think about or talk about someone who has died, or express feelings about any other losses. If fond memories turn painful. If you want to talk only about the positive aspects of the relationship, you may be incomplete. Wanting to talk about only the negative aspects of the relationship. Unresolved Grief may be at the root of any fear associated with thoughts or feelings about a relationship.

Unresolved Grief continued: People who experience significant loss may put their own life on hold for various reasons including: To protect themselves from further heartbreak Living a guarded life and reluctance to fully participate in relationships or new endeavors Guilt

What to say? “I can’t imagine how you feel; I know that when I lost my mother I felt …. . ” Stay in the moment while they’re speaking. If you leave the moment for one second, you have just become an unsafe person to talk to about Grief “I can’t imagine how you feel. ” or “I can’t imagine how painful – devastating – heartbreaking – that must have been for you. ” Every relationship is unique, therefore, every Griever is unique

Adolescents & Grief Teens are at a higher risk for self-injurious behaviors or substance use Red Flag Behaviors Suicidal thoughts or actions Chronic depression, sleeping difficulties and low self-esteem Isolation from family and friends Academic failure or overachievement Dramatic change in personality or attitude Eating disorders Drug and alcohol abuse Fighting or legal troubles Inappropriate sexual behaviors

Healthy Behaviors As a teen, grief is important to understand acknowledge. This includes: Expressing yourself about the special person you lost through story telling, sharing photos and explaining the relationship Write a letter to the deceased person Teens should state where they were when the death occurred, what happened immediately afterwards, and what are they experiencing right now.

Self Care Face your feelings Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way Look after your physical health Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel Plan ahead for grief “triggers” Seek professional mental health Remember: If you’re experiencing a loss don’t forget that YOU’RE still alive. Live your life in a healthy manner.

Resources 201 -262 -HELP Hearts & Crafts Grief Counseling 330 Broadway, Hillsdale, NJ 07642 (201) 818 -9399 http: //www. heartsandcraftscounseling. org Journeys Program Valley Home Care, Inc. 15 Essex Rd. , Ste. 409 Paramus, NY 07652 (201) 291 -6000 x 7133 http: //www. valleyhealth. com/Valley_Home. Care. aspx? id=46 Journeys serves children 3 thru teens coping with the life threatening illness or death of a family member. We offer individual, family and group therapy. The program is run by Masters level credentialed art therapists (ATR-BC) who also have LPC's. There is a moderate fee for the program. Laura V. Loumeau-May, MPS, ATR-BC, LPC LLOUMEA@valleyhealth. com 2 nd Floor teen hotline 888 -2228

References http: //cdn 2. hubspot. net/hubfs/2184336/GRM_Ebooks/grm_ebook_r_new. pdf ? t=1482176242123 http: //www. helpguide. org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss. htm http: //teaching. monster. com/benefits/articles/1927 -how-to-help-yourstudents-deal-with-grief-and-loss http: //winterspring. org/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/102389570 -Talking-toa-Grieving-Teen. pdf