GET READY TO CHANGE MAKE IT ABOUT YES

GET READY TO CHANGE MAKE IT ABOUT YES! It’s Not About Willpower: Make It a Habit Scarsdale Library Jan 9, 2015 Presented by: Dr. Caren Baruch-Feldman www. drbaruchfeldman. com ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

A Little Bit About Me Before After ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Goals for Today 1. Review the latest research in goal setting, habit building and willpower (based on 5 books). 2. Help you to develop your own positive, new habits. 3. Share with the latest tools so that you can maintain these new habits. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Five Books Serve as Inspiration ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

The BAD News 1. Our brains are lazy. 2. Stress makes us more susceptible to fall into bad habits. 3. Willpower can be a limited resource. 4. Unfortunately, glucose which releases dopamine, can hijack the brain and has been found to refuel willpower (ugh). 5. We are of two minds. Unfortunately, the shortterm, emotional brain often wins out against the long-term, rational brain. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

GOOD News 1. You can build those willpower muscles. 2. Pick gateway habits (write it down, meditation, and exercise). These types of habits build resistance muscles and self-control. 3. Since willpower is limited – need to establish a habit so willpower is not being used. Make it automatic. 4. Beliefs/mindset can make us more rational and long-term thinkers as opposed to short term thinkers. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

What the Research Tells Us In Terms of Changing A Habit • Make it from a place of YES! • Know your triggers. Don’t think can outsmart old habits. Instead try to avoid them. • Make it easy to be good and hard to be bad. • Give yourself credit. • Change one habit at a time. • Wait 10 minutes. • Practice meditation • Get social support and make it public. • Is this your habit? Better to be internally driven. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

What the Research Tells Us In Terms of Changing A Habit • Catch some good habits. • It takes time to change a habit. Remember, the beginning is the hardest. • Mental Contrasting (Oettingen) and the power of if-then plan (Gollwitzer). • Pre-commit. Makes it difficult to reverse your preferences. Makes it automatic. • Change your outlook/thinking. Develop a new belief. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Changing a Habit is Not Enough: Need to Change the Belief • Stand firm. No wavering. • Remind yourself of the whole story, not just the beginning. • Stay away from- “what the heck” phenomena. • Stay away from thinking your are doing “good”. • “Your future self, is no better than your current self. ” • Seek to be consistent. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

It’s All About the “BRAIN!” • What are your sabotaging beliefs? • What beliefs inspire you to meet your longterm goals? • Stand firm. • Remind yourself of the whole story, not just the beginning. • Stay away from - “what the heck” phenomena. • Stay away from - thinking your are doing “good”. • “Your future self, is no better than your current self. ” • I will avoid, rather than think I have the willpower to overcome. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Response Cards • A response card is a tool that helps you change your mindset and overcome sabotaging thoughts. • Read the card everyday and when you are struggling with a craving, temptation, or sabotaging thought. • By reading everyday you make this into a habit. • Make your own Response Cards. Example of a Response Card: My Advantage Card • • • ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com I’ll look better. I’ll be able to wear a smaller size. I’ll be in better health. I’ll feel better physically. I’ll feel more in control.

Let’s Put Our Ideas Into Practice: “Change that Habit” Form BAD HABIT NEW, POSITIVE HABIT 1. Write down one bad habit that you would like to work on. 2. What is the cue, routine, and reward for this bad habit? 3. What is the sabotaging belief? 1. Write down one new habit that you would like to work on. 2. What Is the cue, routine, and reward for the new habit? 3. What is the new, rational belief? ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Bad Habit/Good Habit New Habit? Staying calm when my son loses another Northface jacket. 2. What is the Cue, Routine, and Reward for the New Habit? Cue = Son loses his jacket. Routine = Stay calm and see if we can brainstorm to find it. Reward = Better relationship with my son. Good role model for dealing with frustration. 3. New, Rational belief? My relationship with my son is more important than being right. Yelling is not the best way to make my point. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman 1. Bad Habit to Change? Getting frustrated with my son when he loses his jacket. 2. What is the Cue, Routine, and Reward of this Old Habit? Cue = Son loses his jacket. Routine = I get frustrated that he has lost another Northface coat. Reward = Get it off my chest and feel better as I’m yelling. 3. Sabotaging Belief? He shouldn’t lose his jacket and that it is terrible. Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Example of Bad Habit/Good Habit BAD HABIT NEW, POSITIVE HABIT 1. Bad habit to change? Eating cookies after 9 pm. 2. What Is the cue, routine, and reward of this old habit? Cue = feeling entitled/craving. Routine = go into the kitchen for just 1 cookie, but eat many more. Reward = dopamine rush and pleasure from taste of cookie. 3. What is your sabotaging thought(s)? I am entitled. I have been so good. The cookies are so GOOD!!! 1. What is the new habit ? Staying out of the kitchen after 9 pm. 2. What is the cue, routine, and reward for the new habit? Cue = feeling entitled/craving Routine = go into bedroom and drink decaf coffee. Reward = continue to fit into my size 4 pants. 3. What is your new belief? “Nothing taste as good as thin feels”. I need to remember the whole story. Stand firm. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Mental Contrasting and If-Then Plan WOOP, Mental Contrasting MY WOOP • W = Lose 5 pounds. W = Wish (define your • O = If I lost 5 pounds, wish/goal) clothes would fit easily, feet would feel better, be happy O = Outcome (imagine the with myself in pictures. best possible outcome) • O = eating after 9 PM O = Obstacle (what holds carbohydrates. me back from experiencing that wish, that outcome) • P = If I want to go into the kitchen then I will go to my P = Plan (create an If-Then bedroom. If I want to eat a plan for the obstacle) carb then I will drink tea. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman by Oettingen • • Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Mental Contrasting and If-Then Plan WOOP, Mental Contrasting MY WOOP by Oettingen • W = To be worry free. • O = I would be less stressed, happier, and free. • O = I want certainty. The uncertainty of everyday life. • P = If I want to have total certainty then I will tell myself that it is ok to be uncertain and to have everything unfold. • W = Wish (define your wish/goal) • O = Outcome (imagine the best possible outcome) • O = Obstacle (what holds me back from experiencing that wish, that outcome) • P = Plan (create an If-Then plan for the obstacle) ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

1 st Response Card: “Advantage Card” My Advantage Card for Watching My Weight I’ll look better. I’ll be able to wear a smaller size. I’ll be in better health. I’ll feel better physically. I’ll feel more in control. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

“It’s Not Ok” Response Card It’s not ok to go in the kitchen after 9 pm. It’s not ok to eat crumbs. Every time I do so I wind up eating more or something that I am not supposed to. I also feel bad afterwards. Even though it does taste good for a few minutes, it is not worth it. It’s not ok to be nasty with my son. I wouldn’t want anyone to talk to me that way even if the other person was right. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Be Accepting: “Oh Well” • Saying, “oh well” means I don’t like it this, but I’ll accept this and move on. • True acceptance allows us to relinquish the struggle and allows us to have the energy to focus on what we can control rather than on what we can’t control. I really feel hungry. Oh well. This is too hard and not fair. Oh well. I wish I could eat what I wanted all the time. Oh well. My son keeps losing his Northface Oh well. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

“Get Back on Track” Response Card Okay I shouldn’t have eaten that… I made a mistake… This one mistake is certainly not going to make me gain weight this week. It’s a million times better to stop now than to allow myself to eat more. I deserve credit for stopping. ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

What I Did Personally to Lose 25 Pounds and Keep It Off • • • Make It a Habit. Keep My Sugar Level Stable. Avoid My Triggers. Write It Down. Make It Public. Change My Beliefs to Be a Long Term Hedonist by Remembering the Advantages of Being Thin, Continually Fighting my Sabotaging Thoughts, and When I Fail Forgiving Myself and Going Right Back on Track (and on the scale). ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com

Summary • Be proactive, mindful, and avoid triggers. • Make it about YES! Give yourself credit. Don’t put yourself down. • Develop beliefs that will inspire you. • Be mindful and reflective, focusing on the long term goals as opposed to the immediate rewards. Come Back on March 6 th on the topic "Got Grit, Got Growth, Got Marshmallows? Increasing Self-Control and Resilience in Our Lives and the Lives of Our Children“. Come back again on May 1 st "Helping Decrease Stress and Worry – In Our Children and Our Own Lives. " ©) Caren Baruch-Feldman Dr. Baruchfeldman. com