GENDERED COMMUNICATION PRACTICES Communication between men and women

GENDERED COMMUNICATION PRACTICES “Communication between men and women can be like cross cultural communication, prey to a clash of conversational styles” Deborah Tannen (1990)

WOMEN’S SPEECH n n For Most Women Communication is: to establish and maintain relationships conversation is for sharing and learning about others Talk is the essence of relationships

n n n Equality between people is generally important try and achieve symmetry often match experiences – “you’re not alone in how you feel – “I’ve done the same thing many times” n respond and build on each other’s ideas – Rather than “you-tell-your-ideathen-I’ll-tell-mine, ” voices weave together to create conversations. EQUALITY

SHOWING SUPPORT n Often express understanding & Sympathy – “Oh, you must feel terrible” – “I think you did the right thing” – “I really hear what you are saying”

RELATIONSHIP LEVEL Focus on feelings Focus on relationship between communicators rather than content n often probe to understand feelings n n n – “Tell me about what happened? ” – “How did you feel when it occurred? ” – “Do you think it was deliberate? ” Content is dealt with but also feelings involved.

CONVERSATION MAINTENANCE n n n Women’s style is conversational maintenance work efforts to sustain talk often initiate topics for others – “How was your day” – “Tell me about your meeting” – “Did anything interesting happen on your trip”

INCLUSIVITY n n RESPONSIVENESS usually respond in some fashion verbally and nonverbally more engaged make other feel valued and included

PERSONAL, CONCRETE STYLE Typical of women's conversation are ü personal disclosures ü details ü anecdotes ü concrete reasoning n

TENTATIVENESS n Verbal Hedges • “I kind of feel you may be overreacting” n Qualifiers • “I’m not the best judge of this, but. . . ” n Keep Talk Provisional, Tag questions that invite response • “That was a pretty good movie, wasn’t it? ” • “We should get out this weekend, don’t you think? ”

MEN’S SPEECH n n Goal of talk is exerting control, preserving independence, and enhancing status. Conversation is the arena for proving oneself & negotiating prestige.

Men’s Speech n General Tendencies n Use talk to establish and defend personal status and ideas When comforting, they do so by respecting others independence and avoiding condescending n

SHOW KNOWLEDGE, SKILL, OR ABILITY n Avoid disclosing personal information that might appear weak or vulnerable • e. g. , someone expresses concern about a relationship with a boyfriend – “The way you should handle that is. . . ” – “Don’t let him get to you. ” – “You ought to tell him. . ”

ADVICE n n Tendency to give ADVICE Instrumental not feeling, but rather what you should do Superiority Maintain control Men see as “give and take, ” Women as lack of concern

INSTRUMENTALITY n Instrumentality - The use of talk to accomplish instrumental objectives n Men socialized to do things, achieve goals In talk this is expressed as problem-solving, getting information, facts, suggesting solutions This focus on content works between men Show support in ways learned to do so - solve the problem. n n n

CONVERSATIONAL DOMINANCE n n Men tend to dominate conversations talk more than women Talk more frequently For longer duration Select topic of talk Interrupt more Men interrupt to control conversation Women interrupt to show interest, affirm

ABSOLUTE, ASSERTIVE TALK – Language tends to forceful, direct, authoritative – Less use of hedges and disclaimers

ABSTRACT TALK n n Speak in general terms Fewer concrete experiences More distanced from personal feelings Works best in Public situation where theoretical & conceptual, talk is appropriate

LESS RESPONSIVE n n More “minimal response cues” Less sympathy and selfdisclosure • Sympathy seen as sign of condescension • Personal problems seen as vulnerability

Talking about Troubles n Woman disappointed in not getting job – Man says, “You shouldn’t feel bad. Lots of people don’t get jobs they want” • She thinks, he belittles her experience • He thinks, he is showing respect by bolstering her independence

Talking about Troubles, Cont. n Man disappointed is not getting job – Woman says, “Are you okay” What’s bothering you? ” • He thinks this points out his vulnerability • She probes to show she cares

RELATIONSHIP TALK n n WOMEN It’s going fine if there is talk Talk is a process to sustain relationship Talk is a way to show closeness – “We need to talk, ” to affirm our caring n n MEN It’s going fine if there is no need to talk Talk is to solve problems Talk indicate a problem – Duck when she say, “we need to talk”

GENDER QUESTIONNAIRE n n n Men talk more than women. T/F T Men are more likely to interrupt women than they are to interrupt other men. T Women tend to confront problems more directly and are likely to bring up the problem first. T

Questionnaire, cont. n n n During conversation men spend more time looking at their partner than women do. F Women are more alert to nonverbal cues than men are. T Groups that use the male style of sticking to the task get more work done. F In general men and women talk about the same things. F Women use less personal space than men do. T When a man speaks, he is listened to more carefully than a woman, even if the presentation is identical. T

Questionnaire, cont. n n n In general women speak in a more tentative style than men do. T Women are more likely than men to disclose personal information. T In general men smile more often than women. F Women are more likely than men to answer questions that are not addressed to them. F Women and men are equally emotional when they speak. T Men appreciate jokes more than women. T

THE END Based on Julia Wood’s book Gendered Lives