Friendships Relationships and Sexuality Michelle S Alkon Adult

Friendships, Relationships and Sexuality Michelle S. Alkon Adult Services, AANE michelle. alkon@aane. org 617. 393. 3824 ext. 25 DDS Training January 29 2016

Agenda: Friendships, Relationships and Sexuality • • • Friendship How ASD Impacts Friendship Strategies Relationships How ASD Impacts Relationship Strategies ©Asperger/Autism Network 2

The Friendship Algorithm 3

How ASD Impacts Friendship • Aspects of Communication – Non-verbal Communication – Verbal Communication ©Asperger/Autism Network 4

How ASD Impacts Friendship • Socialization Pattern Mode of Socialization Environment • • Home College Workplace Social Media • • Phone Email Texting/Messaging In person/Face-toface Socialization Platform • • Facebook Twitter Instagram Snapchat Video Games Movies/Video Internet Forum Online Chat Groups ©Asperger/Autism Network Frequency • Rarely • Randomly • Regularly • Annually • Monthly • Biweekly • Once a week • Daily 5

How ASD Impacts Friendship Areas of Difficulty • Figures of speech/proverbs • Humor • Sarcasm • Hidden Curriculum • Socializing • Social interactions • Social anxiety • Processing speed ©Asperger/Autism Network 6

Friendship Strategies • Expectations • Social rules in various environments • Define a friend • How to make friends • Friend or acquaintance • Maintaining friendship • Boundaries • Content and context of speech ©Asperger/Autism Network 7

Friendship Strategies • Example: scheduling social interactions ©Asperger/Autism Network 8

Friendship Strategies Teaching Tools • Observe in various situations • List specific issues • List perceived issues • Provide conversation starters • Topics for small talk • Watch videos/film clips • Schedules, scripts, etc. • Role-play • Real life situation practice • Comprehend generalized situations ©Asperger/Autism Network 9

Amy Seducing Sheldon ©Asperger/Autism Network 10

Romantic and Sexual Relationships “Not only are friendship and closeness valuable in and of themselves, but they are also prerequisites for healthy romantic and sexual relationships in adulthood. ” (Bolick) ©Asperger/Autism Network 11

How ASD Impacts Relationships AS Characteristics Developmental Profile Experience • Social skills: • Communication abilities: • verbal and non verbal • Theory of Mind: • Emotions: • Detecting • Reading • Expressing • Sensory issues • Socio-sexual development: selfstimulation, exploring sexuality, lack of experience and guidance • Frustrations and inappropriate behaviours • Gender identity, fluidity & role definition • Sexual Orientation • Social imitation: context, consent • Interpretation of emotions: • Black & white thinking • Interpersonal relationships: couples, empathy, intimacy • Confusion & anxiety • Less experience • Fear of rejection • Sexual drive, desire, curiosity ©Asperger/Autism Network 12

How ASD Impacts Relationships • Influential Factors Information • Basic knowledge • Experiences • Social support Limitations of the environment Intimacy Medication • Gender segregation • Social network • Rules • Sex education • Interests and limits: steps in a relationship • Private and public setting • Quality time • Secondary effects • Synergic effects ©Asperger/Autism Network 13

How ASD Impacts Relationships Safety • Recognition of dangerous or abusive/unfriendly relationship • Online dating skills • Reading people’s intention • Qualities of a healthy relationship • • Sharing Communication Pleasure, interest Respect, communication and much more… ©Asperger/Autism Network 14

How ASD Impacts Relationships • Late developer in social/emotional maturity • Not sexist, ageist or culturally biased • Wants to be a friend/lover but little intuitive knowledge or experience • Women with AS may prefer a relationship with a man with AS* • Extreme NTs more likely to fall in love with an Aspie* *Goldsworthy & Stokes, 2011 ©Asperger/Autism Network 15

Relationship Strategies Safety Issues Emotions Social Behaviors • The first date • Maintaining the relationship • Reading facial emotions, Mind-Reading • Expressing emotions • Emotion management (intensity, anger, rigidity, empathy) • CBT • Support groups • Various activities and interests • Neuro-typical friends, group, family Pleasure List • Quality time: for individual and couple • Relaxing activities • Physical activities • Social activities • On a weekly schedule: make it happen! Communications Skills ©Asperger/Autism Network 16

Relationship Strategies Marriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies* • Pursuing a diagnosis • Accepting the diagnosis • Staying motivated • Understanding how AS impacts the individual • Managing depression, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD • Self-exploration and self-awareness • Creating a Relationship Schedule • Meeting each other's sexual needs • Bridging parallel play • Coping with sensory overload and meltdowns • Expanding Theory of Mind • Improving communication • Co-parenting strategies • Managing expectations and suspending judgment Eva Mendes, M. A. , Psychotherapist & Couple's Counselor ©Asperger/Autism Network 17

Resources: Articles, Webinars, Websites Articles • General information about relationships http: //www. aane. org/about_asperger_syndrome/living_asperger_syndrome_partne rs. html • Eva Mendes’ Marriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies • Dania Jekel and Grace Myhill's article, Asperger Marriage: Viewing Partnerships Through a Different Lens • Elsa Abele's article Tips for Couples to Improve Social Interaction Webinars: • Puberty, Dating and Healthy Sexuality for Individuals with ASD and Asperger’s Syndrome by Dr. Isabelle Hénault: https: //vimeo. com/ondemand/31531/119915502 • Viewing Marriage and Long-Term Relationships through an Aspergers Lens by Grace Myhill and Eva Mendes: https: //vimeo. com/ondemand/22898/108290855 Websites for social skills and connections: • www. succeedsocially. com • www. meetup. com • www. toastmasters. org • wrongplanet. net ©Asperger/Autism Network 18

Resources: Books • • Marriage and Lasting Relationships with Asperger's Syndrome by Eva Mendes The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch Love, Sex and Long-Term Relationships: What People With Asperger Syndrome Really Want by Sarah Hendrickx Socially Curious, Curiously Social A Social Thinking Guidebook for Bright Teens & Young Adults by Michelle Garcia Winner, Pamela Crooke Safety Skills for Asperger Women: How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life by Liane Holliday Willey Social Skills Picture Book for High School and Beyond by Jed Baker Look at the Recommended Reading List at: http: //aane. org/asperger_resources/recommended_reading_spou ses. html ©Asperger/Autism Network 19

About AANE The Asperger/Autism Network (AANE) works with individuals, families, and professionals to help people with Asperger Syndrome and similar autism spectrum profiles build meaningful, connected lives. We do this by providing information, education, community, support, and advocacy, all in an atmosphere of validation and respect. AANE provides support and community to: • Adults and their families • Families of children and teens • Educators and professionals • Diverse leadership includes adults, family members and professionals • Advocate for appropriate quality services for people with AS profiles. 20