Forgiveness and Healing for Leaders Mike and Barb

Forgiveness and Healing for Leaders Mike and Barb Stelzer Contemporary Christian Ministries Wholeness Expression 1

Agenda • • • God’s agenda for His Servant Leaders Factors that effect our Servant Leaders Forgiveness and healing steps Sharing experiences Supportive reference materials 2

The Servant Leader 3

Servant Leadership The Cost • • • Self-Sacrifice Loneliness Fatigue Criticism Rejection Pressure The Competencies • Humor • Patience • Friendship • Tact and Diplomacy • Inspirational Power • Executive Ability • The Art of Listening • The Art of Letter Writing 4

Servant Leaders We are more prone to give up or cave in to negative thoughts, criticism, worldly temptation than to actually achieve our goals. We need to replace old habits and patterns with new habits and patterns. Old Habits • • Self focused Competitiveness Manipulation Tardiness Procrastination Lack of Organization Desperate for Change and Searching for Fulfillment • Struggling with Old habits New Habits • Powerful Demonstration of Godly Values • Christ Focused • Ethical, Fair and Just • Discipleship • Strong Moral Patterns and Character • Balanced Life: Spiritually, Emotionally, and Physically 5

The Rise and Fall of Spiritual Leaders • Billy Graham • Oral Roberts • Benny Hinn Healing and Teaching Crusades • Joyce Meyer Teaching • Paula White Preaching Evangelism Crusades Healing Crusades ************************************************************ • Ted Haggard New Life Church/ NAE Spokes Person (Sin) • Jimmy Swaggart TV Evangelism (Sin) • Jim Bakker PTL Club (Sin) 6

Temptation and Sin • 6 out of 10 men openly admit they have a problem with sexual immorality. • No matter how many pleasures Satan offers you, his ultimate intention is to ruin you. Your destruction is highest priority. • The modern day world rationalizes sin as a social problem you are having and not a sin. • The Bible is straight forward and focuses on the modern day problems. (I Corinthians 7: 2 -5 NASB) • God has made a way for you to escape the temptations of the world. (I Corinthians 10: 13) • Do you love God, more than you love yourself? Are you willing to surrender everything to Him? 7

Factors That Take Leaders Into Sin And Evil • • • Morals and Values Financial Situations Abuse of Power Ego Temptation No Compassion Toward Adversaries • Distorted Views of Reality • Inner Conflict • Addictions • Famous or Prestigious Position • Stubborn and Rigid • Tyrannical or Dictatorial • Creates Anger and Arrogance In Others • Lying to Yourself • Above the Law 8

The Ten Pitfalls of Leadership 1. Pride 2. Sexual Sin 3. Cynicism 4. Greed 5. Mental Laziness 6. Oversensitivity 7. Spiritual Lethargy 8. Domestic Neglect 9. Administrative Carelessness 10. Prolonged Position Holding Source: Spiritual Leadership, Henry & Richard Blackaby 9

30 Core Competencies for Servant Leaders Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’, and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. ’ Luke 10: 27 10 Core Virtues Love 1 John 4: 10 -12 I unconditionally love others. Joy John 15: 11 I have inner contentment and purpose in spite of my circumstances. Peace Philippians 4: 6 -7 I am free from anxiety because things are right between God, myself, and others. Patience Proverbs 14: 29 I am patient with others. Kindness/Goodness 1 Thessalonians 5: 15 I choose to do the right things in my relationships with others above myself. Faithfulness Proverbs 3: 3 -4 I am faithful to fulfill God’s will for my life. Gentleness Philippians 4: 5 I am thoughtful, considerate, and calm in dealing with others. Self-Control 1 Thessalonians 5: 6 I have the power, through Christ, to control myself. Hope Hebrews 6: 17 -20 I can cope with the hardships of life and with death because of the hope I have in Jesus Christ. Humility Philippians 2: 3 -4 I choose to esteem 10

30 Core Competencies for Servant Leaders 10 Core Beliefs Church 2 Corinthians 13: 14 I believe the God of the Bible is the only true God – Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Ephesians 4: 15 -16 I believe the church is God’s primary way to accomplish his purposes on earth today. Trinity Salvation by Grace Humanity Ephesians 2: 8 -9 I believe a person comes into a right relationship with God by his grace, through faith in Jesus Christ. John 3: 16 I believe all people are loved by God and need Jesus Christ as their Savior. Authority of the Bible Compassion Psalm 82: 3 -4 I believe God calls all Christians to show compassion to those in need. 2 Timothy 3: 16 -17 I believe the Bible is the Word of God and has the right to command my belief and action. Personal God Psalm 121: 1 -2 I believe God is involved in and cares about my daily life. Identity in Christ John 1: 12 I believe I am significant because of my position as a child of God. Eternity John 14: 1 -4 I believe there is a heaven and a hell and that Jesus Christ is returning to judge the earth and to establish his eternal kingdom. Stewardship 1 Timothy 6: 17 -19 I believe that everything I am or own belongs to God. 11

30 Core Competencies for Servant Leaders 10 Core Practices Worship Psalm 95: 1 -7 I worship God for who he is and what he has done for me. Prayer Psalm 66: 16 -20 I pray to God to know him, to lay my request before him and to find direction for my daily life. Bible Study Hebrews 4: 12 I study the Bible to know God, the truth and to find direction for my daily life. Single-mindedness Matthew 6: 33 I focus on God and His priorities for my life. Biblical Community Acts 2: 44 -47 I fellowship with other Christians to accomplish God’s purposes in my life, others’ lives, and in the world. Spiritual Gifts Romans 12: 4 -5 I know and use my spiritual gifts to accomplish God’s purposes. Giving Away My Time Colossians 3: 17 I give away my time to fulfill God’s purposes. Giving Away My Money 2 Corinthians 8: 7 I give away my money to fulfill God’s purposes. Giving Away My Faith Ephesians 6: 19 -20 I give away my faith to fulfill God’s purposes. Giving Away My Life Romans 12: 1 I give away my life to fulfill God’s purposes 12

Leadership Questions • • • • Tell us about a time you aspired to be a leader in some area of life, and what happened. Why are spiritual leaders in such short supply today? How would your church be different if it’s leaders develop a spiritual relationship with God and led the people according to His agenda. ? What does forgiveness and healing mean to you? What natural leadership qualities do others say you possess? What deficiencies and failing do you most often notice in leaders? Who is your role model as a spiritual leader? As a business or community leader? If you were granted a wish and could instantly and permanently acquire one leadership quality, which one would you select? What leadership qualities do you think are in most short supply among Christians. If you had to turn in a report card on your leadership qualities, where have you made improvements recently, and where do you still need some more work? What price are you willing to pay as a leader? Which test of leadership do you fear the most? Which figure from the Bible do you admire the most? 13

Forgiveness and Healing 14

Steps To Forgiveness • Surrender All Things To God • Repentance and Confession: – Awareness and Acknowledgement of the sin, abuse, or problems that exist. • Make the Decision to Forgive Yourself and Others: – – Forgiveness is a Choice Forgive Yourself and Others Release Yourself and Others Receive the Holy Spirit so He can heal you 15

Emotional Healing Comes Through The Spirit Of Forgiveness • Forgiveness – Repentance – Confession • Releasing – Yourself – Others • Receiving – Holy Spirit For Healing Root Of Bitterness Heb 12: 15 16

Forgiveness and Healing I know I need to ask ____ to forgive me. I need to forgive myself for _________. I need to forgive _______for ________. I need to ask God to forgive me for _____. God, who do You want me to forgive first _____. 17

To Err is Human, To Forgive Devine q I am not perfect. q I have flaws and shortcomings. q I need to have a better, closer personal relationship with God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. q I need to ask forgiveness for hurting, offending, injuring, and misusing people I love, work with, and socialize with. q I need to be held accountable by someone other than myself. q I need to be less judgmental and critical of others. q I want to learn how to react and respond to others with humility, kindness, and compassion, rather than with selfishness and anger. q I need to listen to God and hear His voice by being in the Word daily. The “I” Chart 18

Forgiveness Rare To See : The Leaders and Forgiveness demonstrated in our daily lives. Servant Leaders incorporate forgiveness as a leadership competency and are willing to become vulnerable with the people he or she serves or leads. Common to Witness: • Dehumanization • Diminished Esteem • Personal Vendettas • Withholding of Grace • Erosion of Character • Diminished Esteem • Suffocation of Joy and Hope • Hurt, Betrayal, Insecurity • Anger 19

What Is Forgiveness • Forgiveness is the act of releasing another from the guilt, shame, or deserved retribution that have merited through their own intentional or unintentional actions directed at another which have resulted in hurt, anger, and animosity. • Exercising forgiveness is an act of accountability that requires change. • Forgiveness is a conscious choice that is made towards another who needs to be forgiven. 20

What Is Forgiveness • Forgiveness requires the capacity to understand the event that created the situation requiring forgiveness. • Forgiveness means the Servant Leader must see himself or herself in light of their own humanity, fragility, and imperfections. • Forgiveness is a supreme act of empowerment of another to raise them up and redeem and restore them to an original (positive and healthy) status. • Forgiveness responds to the fundamental understanding that lives within every human: we know we are imperfect, flawed, insecure, and vulnerable. We fabricate barriers and walls to keep others from discovering our vulnerabilities. We attempt to hide our weaknesses and our fears. 21

The Servant Leader and Forgiveness • The Servant Leader has to experience forgiveness before he or she seeks to apply forgiveness in the lives of others. • Leaders who have never experienced forgiveness find it difficult, if not impossible, to integrate forgiveness within their exercise of leadership and management. • Servant Leaders understand the intrinsic worth of people and the value of building relationships. • The true test of a Servant Leader is that the people around the Leader become more healthy, more wise, more free, more autonomous, and better able themselves to become Servant Leaders. 22

Forgiveness Scriptures • • Matthew 6: 14 -15 Leviticus 6: 6 -7 Acts 10: 43 Luke 6: 36 -38 Ephesians 4: 32 Colossians 1: 13 -14 Ephesians 1: 7 Colossians 2: 13 • • Matthew 18: 23 -35 2 Sam 12: 13 Psalm 51 Mark 3: 28 Psalm 103: 3 I John 1: 9 Luke 15: 11 -24 23

Personal Relationships 24

A Personal Relationship With God It’s important for each of us to know that we matter to God and He wants us to have a personal relationship with Him. The problem is our sin has separated us from God. Most people have a sense of this and try many ways to get back to God and have a relationship with Him. People try living a good life, going to church and doing what they think is right. These things are good, but they all fall short, because they don’t connect us to God. The Bible says because of our sin, we all deserve death for eternity. That’s the bad news. Source: Lakeside Community Church 25

A Personal Relationship With God The Good News is this. . . Jesus did something for us that we couldn’t do for ourselves. He died on the cross and paid the price for our sins. He became a bridge that connected us to God by paying our death penalty. As good as this is, it’s not enough! We have to choose to cross over. We have to ask God for His forgiveness and leadership. We have to agree with God that we’ve sinned and put our trust in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Source: Lakeside Community Church 26

A Personal Relationship With God As you look at your life, where do you see yourself? Is there a reason why you feel you can’t go to the other side? What is holding you back? You can get there by praying and asking Him into your heart. Repeat this prayer: “Lord Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I give every area of my life to you and I want to live for you. I open the door of my heart and receive you as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life and make me the person you want me to be. Thank You forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. ” Lakeside Community Church 27

Awareness Of My Relationship With: 28

My Personal Awareness Inventory What Is Missing? (Symptom/Problem/Issue) What Is The Root Cause? (Diagnosis) What Do I Need To Do? (Rx Prescription) PHYSICAL: EMOTIONAL: SPIRITUAL: 29

Reference Materials • Blackaby, Henry & Richard, Spiritual Leadership (Nashville: Broadman and Holman Publishers, 2001) • Sanders, J. Oswald, Spiritual Leadership (Chicago: Mood Press, 1994) • Kotter, John P. , Leading Change, (Boston: Harvard Business School Press, 1996) • Stanley, Charles, The Gift of Forgiveness, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1991) • Wilkinson, Bruce H. , Victory Over Temptation, (Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 1998) • Tiribassi, Becky, Change Your Life Daily Journal, (www. changeyourlifedaily. com) • James Hunter, The World's Most Powerful Leadership Principle: How to Become a Servant Leader, (New York: Crown, 2004) 30