First go and be reconciled to your brother

“. . . First go and be reconciled to your brother; . . ” Matt 5: 23 -24

Matt 5 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

Matt 5 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Who determines if I have a problem? Whose responibility is it to solve the problem? What is the priority? Why leave gift in front of the altar? What is “Therefore”?

Matt 5 21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. ’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca, [c]’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. 25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny. [d]

Commands of reconciliation Matt 5 23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matt 18 15 “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. Rom 12 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

Reconciliation requires (1): Phi 2 2 make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 1 Pet 5 4: All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. ”[Prov 3: 34] 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. One-ness: we submit together – to our common higher Authority and Purpose Humility: we submit to each other – the other is right (at least as much as I am right) Faith: God will uphold my (and your) cause – When we trust him in obedience

Reconciliation requires (2): 1 Pet 4 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. James 5 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Col 3 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Love: the basis – With compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience Confession: Own your sin – No: justifying, diminishing, explaining away, blaming, . . . Forgiving: Essential ingredient for reconciliation – Quickest way to healing

One-ness? Humility? Faith? Love? Confession? Forgiveness?

? Communication?

Just an everyday example. .

What's the matter?

What's wrong ?

What's wrong ? NOTHING!

I am sorry if I hurt you. . .

I am sorry if I hurt you. . . I am sorry if that does not help me. . .

Did I hurt you?

Did I hurt you honey? Was I unloving to you? ( )

Did I hurt you honey? Was I disrespectful to you? ( )

Did I hurt you?

Did I hurt you? Actually, yes. . .

How can you be hurt by such an little remark?

How can you be hurt by such an little remark? I only said the truth!

How can you be hurt by such an little remark? I only said the truth! But you asked for it!

How can you be hurt by such an little remark? I only said the truth! But you asked for it! I was just kidding : -)

How can you be hurt by such an little remark? But I only said the truth! And you asked for it! I was just kidding : -)

Did I hurt you? Actually, yes. . .

So I see I hurt you. . .

So I see I hurt you. . . Please explain how?

So I see I hurt you. . . Please explain how? Don't you even know? !

So I see I hurt you. . . Please explain how?

So I see I hurt you. . . Please explain how? When you did. . . When you said. . . I felt like. . .

You shouldn't be hurt by that! That is normal behaviour! When you did. . . When you said. . . I felt like. . .

You shouldn't be hurt by that! That is normal behaviour!

When you did. . . When you said. . . I felt like. . .

Ooh. . Did I really make you feel like. . . when I. . . When you did. . . When you said. . . I felt like. . .

Yes you did. . .

Yes you did. . . It felt just like when. . .

I'm so sorry. . . Can you please forgive me?

I'm so sorry. . . Can you please forgive me? . . .

I'm so sorry. . . Can you please forgive me? Yes I can

I'm so sorry. . . Can you please forgive me? In God's strength I will

Is there more?

Is there more? . . .

What can I do to prevent this next time?

I request that you. .

So you request that I. . . Is that right?

Yes, I am glad you understand!

Is there more? . . .

I will really try. . . Please bear with me. . .

I will really try. . . Please bear with me. . . But may I request that in these situations you. . .

OK, I will do my best.

Did I hurt you?

How to discuss difficult situations (1) You take initiative! Take turns, one at the time Ask, don't assume you know Reflect what the other says, and check if you got it right (Mirroring, drive-through talk) Acknowledge feelings Take ownership for behaviour “Is there more? ” Make requests for behaviour change, no demands or obligations

How to discuss difficult situations (2) Never: -”you always” or “you never” -”you are a. . . ”(negative description) Do: -Describe behaviour (when you. . . ) -Describe feelings (I feel like …) Always: -Ask and give forgiveness -Act in Love: look for the best, in and for the other one! -Act in Humility: the other one is right! (at least as much as you are right. . . ) -Act in Faith: Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

In conclusion Col 3 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 1 Pet 5 8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.