Families Michele Smith MA LCADC WTS Family Goals

Families Michele Smith, MA, LCADC, WTS

Family Goals • Afford families an opportunity for family therapy with or without their loved one. • Allow families an opportunity to exchange experiences with other family members.

Family Program Goals • Instruct families in the Twelve Step recovery approach that Seabrook embraces. • Afford the families the opportunity to experience an Al. Anon or Nar-Anon meeting.

What can I do? • Get educated about addiction and recovery. • Become aware of, interrupt, and stop enabling behaviors. • Receive help and support. • Take care of myself.

Addiction Risk Factors Genetics / family history Psychiatric diagnosis Emotional trauma Chronic physical pain Addictive Personality None of the above (only 2%)

Addictive Personality A new study prepared for the National Academy of Sciences concludes that there is no single set of psychological characteristics that embrace all addictions, but the study does see common elements from addiction to addiction. The report finds that there are several '‘Significant Personality Factors'' that can contribute to addiction:

Addictive Personality • Impulsive behavior • Difficulty in delaying gratification • A disposition toward sensation seeking • A high value on nonconformity • Low self-esteem • Marked depression or anxiety • Physical or sexual abuse in childhood • Compulsive Behavior • Dichotomous Thinking

Addictive Personality • Difficulty fitting in • Feelings of Rejection and Abandonment • Hard learners and easy forgetters • Low Frustration Tolerance • Stunted Emotional IQ • Negative inner critical voice • Poor Reality Testing • Relationship Problems • Unrealistic Expectations(About Life in General)

Post Acute Withdrawal Post-acute withdrawal occurs because the Chemistry of the brain is gradually returning to normal. As the brain improves, the level of brain chemicals fluctuate as they approach the new equilibrium causing post acute withdrawal symptoms.

Symptoms of Post-Acute Withdrawal (PAWS) The most common postacute withdrawal symptoms are: • • Mood swings Anxiety Irritability Tiredness • Variable energy • Low enthusiasm • Variable concentration • Disturbed sleep Post-acute withdrawal feels like a rollercoaster of symptoms and can last up to one year.

What is Co-Addiction/Codependency? • Co-addiction is a condition that negatively affects a person’s ability to have healthy, mutually-satisfying relationships. • Those experiencing co-addiction become preoccupied with the needs of others, and can lose contact with their own needs and sense of self. • Co-addiction is often passed down from one generation to another, and is likely to attract further abuse.

Family Systems Model of Addiction • Addiction skews the family’s behaviors towards short-term stability at the expense of long-term growth. • Addiction-related behavior becomes a central organizing principle of the family. • The behavioral accommodations profoundly influence the overall shape of family growth and development.

Unspoken Rules in Families experiencing coaddiction • Families experiencing co-addiction do not talk openly about shameful, abusive, or compulsive behaviors in the family. Communication is kept in-direct. • Families experiencing co-addiction do not talk about feelings, especially vulnerable ones like anxiety, fear, loneliness, grief or rejection.

Unspoken Rules in Families experiencing coaddiction Don’t be selfish, always take care of the needs of others first. Always be in control, but if something doesn’t happen as planned –blame someone else!

The 3 C’s of Freedom from Codependency: • I didn’t CAUSE it, • I can’t CONTROL it, • I can’t CURE it, …but I can CONTRIBUTE.

What is Enabling? • Enabling allows destructive behavior patterns to continue by taking responsibility for addicts/ alcoholics and not allowing them to face the consequences of their own actions. • Loved ones are motivated to enable for various compelling reasons -- reasons which seem generous and good, but in the presence of addiction, they become twisted and misused.

Enabling Behaviors • • • Accepting responsibility for his or her abusive or unhealthy behavior. Bailing them out. Believing they’re a victim and unable to help themselves. Blaming other people for problems the addict is creating, rather than confronting them on it. Buying into their excuses, such as “I drink because I’m depressed. ” Case-building with them (blaming others for their feelings, and problems)

Enabling Behaviors • • • Continuing to help even though it is never appreciated or acknowledged. Doing things for them that they could, and should, be doing for themselves Ignoring the problem (because they get defensive when you bring it up) Ignoring unacceptable behavior. Ignoring your own physical, spiritual, and mental health needs. Loaning money or paying bills (even when you don’t have the money to loan. )

Enabling Behaviors • • • Making excuses for the addicted person. Neglecting other significant relationships. Paying their bills. Paying their child support, or picking up their kids because they’re too intoxicated to do so. Putting aside your own needs and desires to help. Putting the addicts needs above all else, even their children.

Enabling Behaviors • • • Repeatedly bailing them out of jail, financial problems, or other tight spots they get themselves into. Repeatedly coming to the rescue. Threatening to kick them out but never following through (or taking them back after you’ve kicked them out) Tip-toeing around to avoid an explosion. Trying to “fix” them and/or their problems. Trying to control them and/or their problems.

In Other Words… Have you betrayed your own standards and accepted the unacceptable as a trade-off for a little peace and quiet?

Reasons Why We Enable • Peace at any price • Conspiracy of silence • Succumbing to blame, guilt, and a sense of duty • Explaining it all away

What are Boundaries? • A boundary sets a physical, emotional, or intellectual limit and protects integrity. • A boundary does not create impenetrable walls or try to control others. • Boundaries demonstrate self-respect and increase self-worth. • Boundaries increase true intimacy. • Boundaries protect us and our families.

Setting Boundaries • Essential ingredients for boundary setting – they must be specific, logical, and do-able. • If boundaries are NOT do-able, they aren’t boundaries, they are empty threats.

Three Enablement Questions: • Is it really helping? • What are my motives? • Whose responsibility is it really?

What are my options? • Family Therapy Al-Anon / Nar-Anon Meetings • Pastoral Counseling • Religious Organizations • EAP (Employee Assistance Programs) • Family Support Groups

Help Line 800 -761 -7575 www. seabrook. org